Very tired of living

[Defenestration]

So almost 37 years old

A myriad of psychological problems: bipolar, social phobia, borderline personality disorder, generalized anxiety.

I have tried everything in care since January 2008 (a whole bunch of medications and various therapies, hospitalization, changing therapists, sport, sophrology, meditation, individual and group CBT, book readings, etc.). The psychologists are lost with me ,they admitted it to me.


A psychiatric patient since 2004, I am celebrating 20 years of illness.


I managed to get the disabled adult allowance for 3 years (I managed to work for 9 years in a row in the medical sector, it destroyed me even more completely)... unable to work again.

but hey, nothing tempts me anymore, everything tires me out. I could win 10 million euros in the lottery, it wouldn't change anything.


The only things that kept me alive were my boyfriend (very strong romantic relationship for 7 and a half years) but who died of an illness...and close relationship with my mother but who had Alzheimer's at 65 years old...

I am stuck on this earth because I cannot commit suicide because of the survival instinct which prevents me from taking action at the last moment. I want to try again next week or the next.

Good weekend

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you've suffered a lot, I understand why you'd feel so tired of existing here. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

i can relate to having tried everything one is supposed to do to be 'better'/'recover', to no avail. it's comforting though, knowing that i exhausted all options & they led me to the same conclusion, that i'm not meant to be a person. i'm also only alive due to SI & fear :// being trapped in purgatory like this for basically my entire life is not v fun.

good luck with your next attempt!!!<3 hopefully i'll find the energy to try again soon.

 

[thewalkingdread]

It sucks to be stuck here in this world...

 

[divinemistress36]

36 years old and disabled too and tried everything. I feel your pain

 

[throneofdispair03]

i am sorry that you had to go through all of that. i wish you luck with your attempt

 

[Defenestration]

i can relate to having tried everything one is supposed to do to be 'better'/'recover', to no avail. it's comforting though, knowing that i exhausted all options & they led me to the same conclusion, that i'm not meant to be a person. i'm also only alive due to SI & fear :// being trapped in purgatory like this for basically my entire life is not v fun.

good luck with your next attempt!!!<3 hopefully i'll find the energy to try again soon.

Thanks for videos of wpd...i have Seen lots of jumping.
me it's 60 meters but I Can fall in grass

 

[Defenestration]

It sucks to be stuck here in this world...

Yes but fear of New life will be hardest
Kill me