Very sick, weighting my options to CTB ASAP, what do you think ?

[madameviolette]

I want to CTB as soon as possible while I'm physically able too, I'll be completely bedbound soon and in severe pain. I'm very sick physically and mentally, I don't have a long time left. I only thought about ways to leave 1 month ago when my situation got so much worse. To make it short, I was harmed by medications. I was healthy prior to that and only had isolated pain. I got prescribed psych drugs that gave me dystonia, dyskinesia, severe akathisia, rage, aggression. Then I got prescribed an antibiotics that destroyed my tendons and gave me nerve damage. I lost my hearing and sight. I became psychotic and I can't sleep anymore to the point of hallucinations.

I'm weighting my options here as a way to CTB as soon as possible. I don't want it to be violent like hanging or jumping as I feel I suffered enough and I can't do that to my body. I also don't want to use psych drugs as they destroyed my life and if I survive It will make my movement disorders much worse.

My options are :

1. Chloroquine, I have 60 pills of 500mg.

2. Charcoal in a car. I read the post of another member who lost counsciousness within 120 seconds. He survived because he was found 8 hours later. I'm only worried about possible smoke and heat inside the car. I bought a Carbon Monoxide meter to measure prior to my attempt.

3. Trying to find a SN source. Very difficult. Found one in East Asia but it needs too much documents.


What do you all think ?

 

[ummwhaaat]

3) Which continent are you from?

 

[madameviolette]

3) Which continent are you from?

West Europe

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm sorry for your situation. I have cervical dystonia and many mental health issues so I feel you.
You can avoid medication overdose. It's not 100% reliable but I may be wrong because chloroquine seems to be something strong. I don't know charcoal method so I cannot say a word about it. SN is my method but it may be partial hanging or jumping too. Take care with asian sources. If you can find it, you'll need to test it.
You should be eligible to euthanasia. and get pentobarbital. It's just insane that people must use violent methods.
I send you a lot of hugs and I hope you'll find peace

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

#1: Don't waste your time, you will only fail.

Why ODs Fail Miserably (A Guide)

There's still a lot of questions and inquiries about ODs, and people asking about what things may facilitate a successful attempt. Let's be clear, ODs are rarely fatal. Why? For a couple of reasons: (1) modern medications are designed to be very safe, as manufacturers aim to avoid deaths that...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Non-methods that should not be attempted

mod note: this has been added to the suicide resource compilation at the top. This has been made in response to the ever increasing amount of posts made about highly unlikely methods. Please read before posting about one of these methods or feel free to link if someone does post about them...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[ummwhaaat]

West Europe

There are sources for SN in your case. I'll say that much
Don't try ODing on something random

 

[madameviolette]

I'm sorry for your situation. I have cervical dystonia and many mental health issues so I feel you.
You can avoid medication overdose. It's not 100% reliable but I may be wrong because chloroquine seems to be something strong. I don't know charcoal method so I cannot say a word about it. SN is my method but it may be partial hanging or jumping too. Take care with asian sources. If you can find it, you'll need to test it.
You should be eligible to euthanasia. and get pentobarbital. It's just insane that people must use violent methods.
I send you a lot of hugs and I hope you'll find peace

Thanks for the comfort
J'ai cru comprendre que tu parlais français ? Malheureusement le temps de faire une demande d'euthanasie est beaucoup trop long. Aurais tu un petit indice pour savoir où je peux me procurer le SN ? Peut-être en mp ?

 

[unluckysadness]

Thanks for the comfort
J'ai cru comprendre que tu parlais français ? Malheureusement le temps de faire une demande d'euthanasie est beaucoup trop long. Aurais tu un petit indice pour savoir où je peux me procurer le SN ? Peut-être en mp ?

Oui je suis français. Je ne peux pas t'envoyer de mp pour le moment car tu n'as pas encore posté assez de messages donc le forum ne donne pas cette possibilité, mais de toute façon je ne souhaite pas donner de source précise. Mais il existe des sites légaux en Europe de l'Est. En cherchant bien, tu trouveras. Sinon pour la demande d'euthanasie, as-tu demandé à Pegasus en Suisse ? Je leur ai envoyé un mail et ils m'ont plus ou moins envoyé balader car je suis "trop jeune" (43 ans).

 

[madameviolette]

#1: Don't waste your time, you will only fail.

Why ODs Fail Miserably (A Guide)

There's still a lot of questions and inquiries about ODs, and people asking about what things may facilitate a successful attempt. Let's be clear, ODs are rarely fatal. Why? For a couple of reasons: (1) modern medications are designed to be very safe, as manufacturers aim to avoid deaths that...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Non-methods that should not be attempted

mod note: this has been added to the suicide resource compilation at the top. This has been made in response to the ever increasing amount of posts made about highly unlikely methods. Please read before posting about one of these methods or feel free to link if someone does post about them...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I'm definitely not going the psych drug route, or sedatives.

As for chloroquine I think I'll make it my last option, I read of many threads with failed attempts or the drug doing nothing but give stomach cramps

Oui je suis français. Je ne peux pas t'envoyer de mp pour le moment car tu n'as pas encore posté assez de messages donc le forum ne donne pas cette possibilité, mais de toute façon je ne souhaite pas donner de source précise. Mais il existe des sites légaux en Europe de l'Est. En cherchant bien, tu trouveras. Sinon pour la demande d'euthanasie, as-tu demandé à Pegasus en Suisse ? Je leur ai envoyé un mail et ils m'ont plus ou moins envoyé balader car je suis "trop jeune" (43 ans).

Ah mince! Je vais chercher merci. En Pologne, Ukraine ? Pour Pegasus, je suis encore plus jeune que toi, j'ai 27 ans Aucune chance qu'ils m'acceptent

 

[arcticmonkey]

I don't really have much advice to offer but I'm so sorry that you were put through all of that, i can't imagine the pain, i hope whatever you choose to do brings you the most peace and the least pain, sending virtual hugs ❤

 

[Eudaimonic]

#1: Don't waste your time, you will only fail.

Why ODs Fail Miserably (A Guide)

There's still a lot of questions and inquiries about ODs, and people asking about what things may facilitate a successful attempt. Let's be clear, ODs are rarely fatal. Why? For a couple of reasons: (1) modern medications are designed to be very safe, as manufacturers aim to avoid deaths that...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Non-methods that should not be attempted

mod note: this has been added to the suicide resource compilation at the top. This has been made in response to the ever increasing amount of posts made about highly unlikely methods. Please read before posting about one of these methods or feel free to link if someone does post about them...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Don't think this applies to chloroquine. Then again, idk how reliable it is, not enough data imo

 

[madameviolette]

I just watched the video of Joe Winko ODing on SN and it doesn't look very peaceful tbh. Foaming at the mouth and struggling. I won't go that route I think.

 

[idiotmother]

Which psych meds damaged you? I was damaged by Effexor, risperidone and seroquel. I'm sorry you're suffering so horrendously, no one deserves this. Maybe Sn is your best bet, I wish pentobarbital was more accessible.

Edit; Just saw your comment about not wanting to do sn, nevermind! Not sure what if there's anything widely available that brings a peaceful death.

 

[Eudaimonic]

Re 2, car is not generally recommended because it's harder to seal the interior. Also, it is not advised to remain in the space as the charcoal is burning, as that's likely to be very unpleasant

 

[madameviolette]

Which psych meds damaged you? I was damaged by Effexor, risperidone and seroquel. I'm sorry you're suffering so horrendously, no one deserves this. Maybe Sn is your best bet, I wish pentobarbital was more accessible.

Edit; Just saw your comment about not wanting to do sn, nevermind! Not sure what if there's anything widely available that brings a peaceful death.

Metoclopramide an old gen antipsychotic given for nausea, benzos, then antibiotics that are neurotoxic and made me lose my mind. How were you damaged my friend ?

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm definitely not going the psych drug route, or sedatives.

As for chloroquine I think I'll make it my last option, I read of many threads with failed attempts or the drug doing nothing but give stomach cramps

Ah mince! Je vais chercher merci. En Pologne, Ukraine ? Pour Pegasus, je suis encore plus jeune que toi, j'ai 27 ans Aucune chance qu'ils m'acceptent

Un des deux pays est le bon mais je ne peux pas trop en dre plus. Oui vu ton âge pour l'euthanasie c'est mort je pense (sans mauvais jeu de mot...) Courage à toi. N'hésite pas à me MP quand ce sera possible

 

[madameviolette]

Un des deux pays est le bon mais je ne peux pas trop en dre plus. Oui vu ton âge pour l'euthanasie c'est mort je pense (sans mauvais jeu de mot...) Courage à toi. N'hésite pas à me MP quand ce sera possible

Pas de soucis, merci, courage à toi aussi

 

[idiotmother]

Metoclopramide an old gen antipsychotic given for nausea, benzos, then antibiotics that are neurotoxic and made me lose my mind. How were you damaged my friend ?

I got Akathisia, complete emotional numbeness, severe anxiety, very little sleep. My whole body feels heavy and I just don't have the will to live anymore. It's so tragic because I've got a daughter..your username reminds me of her. But my body is so damaged and I'm still on the drugs, I can't get off them.

 

[madameviolette]

I got Akathisia, complete emotional numbeness, severe anxiety, very little sleep. My whole body feels heavy and I just don't have the will to live anymore. It's so tragic because I've got a daughter..your username reminds me of her. But my body is so damaged and I'm still on the drugs, I can't get off them.

I completely understand you. How did you end up on these drugs ? Your daughter might not understand your suffering now but as she grow up she'll have new perspectives

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find freedom from suffering, it's so horrific to me how there's all this extreme pain and torture in existing, I'm sorry you've had to suffer so unbearably.

 

[idiotmother]

I completely understand you. How did you end up on these drugs ? Your daughter might not understand your suffering now but as she grow up she'll have new perspectives

I had a bad reaction to a supplement and ended up in psych ward . They put me on klonopin but discharged me without anything, so I ended up back in there against my will when I had suicidal feelings (my mom called cops on me). Because I was in there against my will, they were able to force me onto risperidone. It's been a downward spiral ever since. Ended up on seroquel form trying to taper risperidone, the Akathisia kept coming back. So I feel completely dead inside now. It's terrible.

I was already in Effexor withdrawal when I had the supplement reaction so my brain is incredibly sensitive and damaged.

 

[Hiro Uchiha]

I just watched the video of Joe Winko ODing on SN and it doesn't look very peaceful tbh. Foaming at the mouth and struggling. I won't go that route I think.

Hi, where can I watch this video? Thanks

 

[madameviolette]

I hope you find freedom from suffering, it's so horrific to me how there's all this extreme pain and torture in existing, I'm sorry you've had to suffer so unbearably.

Yes I don't understand either why so much pain and suffering. But I also know the torture I'm in is not natural and was man-made. Akathisia, dystonia and dyskinesia are absolutely horrible and torture. This is not natural at all. These psych drugs were used by Soviet Union on prisoners as a tool of torture. It creates such distress and insane adrenaline in your gut constantly.

Hi, where can I watch this video? Thanks

You can just type Joe Winko Gore on Y, it's within the first few links

 

[enough of this]

I want to CTB as soon as possible while I'm physically able too, I'll be completely bedbound soon and in severe pain. I'm very sick physically and mentally, I don't have a long time left. I only thought about ways to leave 1 month ago when my situation got so much worse. To make it short, I was harmed by medications. I was healthy prior to that and only had isolated pain. I got prescribed psych drugs that gave me dystonia, dyskinesia, severe akathisia, rage, aggression. Then I got prescribed an antibiotics that destroyed my tendons and gave me nerve damage. I lost my hearing and sight. I became psychotic and I can't sleep anymore to the point of hallucinations.

I'm weighting my options here as a way to CTB as soon as possible. I don't want it to be violent like hanging or jumping as I feel I suffered enough and I can't do that to my body. I also don't want to use psych drugs as they destroyed my life and if I survive It will make my movement disorders much worse.

My options are :

1. Chloroquine, I have 60 pills of 500mg.

2. Charcoal in a car. I read the post of another member who lost counsciousness within 120 seconds. He survived because he was found 8 hours later. I'm only worried about possible smoke and heat inside the car. I bought a Carbon Monoxide meter to measure prior to my attempt.

3. Trying to find a SN source. Very difficult. Found one in East Asia but it needs too much documents.


What do you all think ?

OMG, I don't know what to say, other than, I'm so sorry your medical care has resulted in this. I'm angry that the medical and pharmaceutical industries prioritize money over proper patient care.

Today is my baby brother's birthday. He died 20 years ago due to medical malpractice. I'm celebrating his life today, and, wishing I were with him. This has never been my world, and I'm ready to leave it behind.

I hope you can find some peace before you CTB.
Blessings to you.

 

[madameviolette]

OMG, I don't know what to say, other than, I'm so sorry your medical care has resulted in this. I'm angry that the medical and pharmaceutical industries prioritize money over proper patient care.

Today is my baby brother's birthday. He died 20 years ago due to medical malpractice. I'm celebrating his life today, and, wishing I were with him. This has never been my world, and I'm ready to leave it behind.

I hope you can find some peace before you CTB.
Blessings to you.

I'm so sorry for your brother, too much lives destroyed :(
May I ask what happened ?

Hugs

 

[copioushopelessness]

I just watched the video of Joe Winko ODing on SN and it doesn't look very peaceful tbh. Foaming at the mouth and struggling. I won't go that route I think.

Where did you see that video? I've been wondering why people say sn is peaceful. It's now harder to source where I am.. it seems I've joined this forum too late for that suggestion. I relate to your situation a lot. I'm not who I was before. I want to do this before I'm not able. I already can't seem to comprehend it or have the physical strength.

 

[madameviolette]

Where did you see that video? I've been wondering why people say sn is peaceful. It's now harder to source where I am.. it seems I've joined this forum too late for that suggestion. I relate to your situation a lot. I'm not who I was before. I want to do this before I'm not able. I already can't seem to comprehend it or have the physical strength.

You can type on Y search tool, it's on WPD website, you just have to type his name

Where did you see that video? I've been wondering why people say sn is peaceful. It's now harder to source where I am.. it seems I've joined this forum too late for that suggestion. I relate to your situation a lot. I'm not who I was before. I want to do this before I'm not able. I already can't seem to comprehend it or have the physical strength.

What happened to you my friend

 

[copioushopelessness]

You can type on Y search tool, it's on WPD website, you just have to type his name


What happened to you my friend

I was abused my whole life, isolated, tortured. Despite everything I still tried. Was a great cook, an artist, used to have a brilliant mind. I have chronic illnesses, no one cared. Neglected. Taunted. I was sent to the hospital and put on medication that completely changed who I was. I can't even find words. Been bed ridden due to my illnesses. Lost my home. Lost my only friend to suicide. Now I'm desperately trying to find a way to end it. My physical and mental illness is too much to endure. I endured as long as I could. People took advantage of my vulnerability, my forgiving heart and left me for dead.

 

[madameviolette]

I was abused my whole life, isolated, tortured. Despite everything I still tried. Was a great cook, an artist, used to have a brilliant mind. I have chronic illnesses, no one cared. Neglected. Taunted. I was sent to the hospital and put on medication that completely changed who I was. I can't even find words. Been bed ridden due to my illnesses. Lost my home. Lost my only friend to suicide. Now I'm desperately trying to find a way to end it. My physical and mental illness is too much to endure. I endured as long as I could. People took advantage of my vulnerability, my forgiving heart and left me for dead.

I'm sorry
I can relate. I hope you find peace and solidarity here

Where are you from

 

[RunDown]

Have you thought of inert gas asphyxiation? It was surprisingly easy to gather everything. You would have to leave the house to get a couple things.