Venting

[FailureToAll]

I don't know how people cope with their emotions. All my emotions and reactions are extreme. I feel like my chest will explode. I have been lucky enough to have a decent life my only problem is myself, I am just a failure that constantly creates bad situations for myself. I'm a burden to everyone. I'm lucky to have family that love me yet all I do is let them down. I just want to die, I can't deal with my own feelings and the constant battle inside my head. I have no motivation for anything at all and no future. I can't even leave the house alone because my anxiety is so bad. My relationship is falling apart because of my own trust issues and fear of abandonment. I destroy everything and have no future. I want to die so badly but the times I've tried I've either failed or stopped part way as I get scared of what happens if I fail or what may await me after death.

 

[jussrav]

I don't know how people cope with their emotions. All my emotions and reactions are extreme. I feel like my chest will explode. I have been lucky enough to have a decent life my only problem is myself, I am just a failure that constantly creates bad situations for myself. I'm a burden to everyone. I'm lucky to have family that love me yet all I do is let them down. I just want to die, I can't deal with my own feelings and the constant battle inside my head. I have no motivation for anything at all and no future. I can't even leave the house alone because my anxiety is so bad. My relationship is falling apart because of my own trust issues and fear of abandonment. I destroy everything and have no future. I want to die so badly but the times I've tried I've either failed or stopped part way as I get scared of what happens if I fail or what may await me after death.

Sorry u feel like this. I can understand about the bad situations I do that aswell unknowingly. The battle in my head is also bad ontop of that eyes hurt, feel sick, can't eat, can't sleep wake up hourly. Ontop of that feel like I have messed myself up and also the working I will be useless. People will see I am not right. There is no going back for me but I hope u feel better.

 

[FailureToAll]

Sorry u feel like this. I can understand about the bad situations I do that aswell unknowingly. The battle in my head is also bad ontop of that eyes hurt, feel sick, can't eat, can't sleep wake up hourly. Ontop of that feel like I have messed myself up and also the working I will be useless. People will see I am not right. There is no going back for me but I hope u feel better.

Sorry you can relate. I get the feeling sick too but I tend to oversleep and over eat instead. I've messed myself up in ways too so I get that. I don't think I will but thank you anyway

 

[jussrav]

Sorry you can relate. I get the feeling sick too but I tend to oversleep and over eat instead. I've messed myself up in ways too so I get that. I don't think I will but thank you anyway

Honestly hand on heart please don't give up. You can oversleep, I will never be able to. I've messed my mental state up so bad. I am up there with the worst cases of mental health history. Even suicide prevention lines become pro suicide when they hear my story. Its the worst ever. But I think you have hope. I think you should see a psychiatrist and get on meds. If not go to a herbal doctor. Try alternative things like rieki, or acupuncture. Get therapy. I even wish I was in your position because I know I have royally messed myself up and there is no way back but just suffering.

 

[FailureToAll]

Honestly hand on heart please don't give up. You can oversleep, I will never be able to. I've messed my mental state up so bad. I am up there with the worst cases of mental health history. Even suicide prevention lines become pro suicide when they hear my story. Its the worst ever. But I think you have hope. I think you should see a psychiatrist and get on meds. If not go to a herbal doctor. Try alternative things like rieki, or acupuncture. Get therapy. I even wish I was in your position because I know I have royally messed myself up and there is no way back but just suffering.

I'm sorry to hear that. My issue is my anxiety is so bad that I can't open up to therapists I've tried multiple but it often doesn't help and the last one discharged me for missing an appt and phone calls bcuz of anxiety. I've tried a few meds too but the doctor didn't want to keep giving me meds if I didn't have therapy too so I stopped and I hadn't found one that worked yet anyway so it didn't matter. I honestly don't think I can manage to talk to anyone and the local free one already discharged me and I can't afford to go to a private one. Idk I feel incapable.

 

[jussrav]

I'm sorry to hear that. My issue is my anxiety is so bad that I can't open up to therapists I've tried multiple but it often doesn't help and the last one discharged me for missing an appt and phone calls bcuz of anxiety. I've tried a few meds too but the doctor didn't want to keep giving me meds if I didn't have therapy too so I stopped and I hadn't found one that worked yet anyway so it didn't matter. I honestly don't think I can manage to talk to anyone and the local free one already discharged me and I can't afford to go to a private one. Idk I feel incapable.

Oh hun honestly just pursue it. I've had everything go wrong for me. I am now in constant long covud symptoms. My eyes hurt due to stress. I have bad headaches all the time. I dont even function. I have a tumour aswell on my brain that is affecting me.i don't eat I feel sick I just throw it up. You are not incapable. Listen to my story yoy dont want thus. Pursue it and live. You dont want to end up like me with no chance xx

Oh hun honestly just pursue it. I've had everything go wrong for me. I am now in constant long covud symptoms. My eyes hurt due to stress. I have bad headaches all the time. I dont even function. I have a tumour aswell on my brain that is affecting me.i don't eat I feel sick I just throw it up. You are not incapable. Listen to my story yoy dont want thus. Pursue it and live. You dont want to end up like me with no chance xx

By the way every decision in my life has gone against me and messed me up really bad. Take decisions to get help.

 

[Amidaa]

i'm sorry to hear that you are going through rough times now, this place this existence is cruel to everyone that life in it. and not to mention the standards we set our self,
is sometimes so high and unforgiven. but like i have read your text some stuff are small and can be improving on thats what i feel though. i might not know you personally or what you all been going through in life. but i do feel like you might have to give it a lil time and who knows it might get beter if not then there's always the ctb option.
any ways no matter what path you might choose hope it goes well and i wish you all the best to the road of peace.

 

[FailureToAll]

Thanks, I appreciate the response. I seem to just get worse with time though. Hopefully I'll be able to ctb eventually

 

[The Burning Fool]

I don't know how people cope with their emotions. All my emotions and reactions are extreme. I feel like my chest will explode. I have been lucky enough to have a decent life my only problem is myself, I am just a failure that constantly creates bad situations for myself. I'm a burden to everyone. I'm lucky to have family that love me yet all I do is let them down. I just want to die, I can't deal with my own feelings and the constant battle inside my head. I have no motivation for anything at all and no future. I can't even leave the house alone because my anxiety is so bad. My relationship is falling apart because of my own trust issues and fear of abandonment. I destroy everything and have no future. I want to die so badly but the times I've tried I've either failed or stopped part way as I get scared of what happens if I fail or what may await me after death.

While I'm fully acknowledging your pain and I sympathize, please don't try to exit by making any more heedless attempts to harm yourself.

I wish for you to be as well as possible until your time comes, and then exit just the way you want. You don't have to feel bad about planning it carefully ahead of time. It's a wise thing to do.

Many of us, me included, are here to help you with that and more. I am here to listen to you, without judging you, if you want to tell any of your stories.

How else can I help?

 

[ChronicallyCynical]

I don't know how people cope with their emotions. All my emotions and reactions are extreme. I feel like my chest will explode. I have been lucky enough to have a decent life my only problem is myself, I am just a failure that constantly creates bad situations for myself. I'm a burden to everyone. I'm lucky to have family that love me yet all I do is let them down. I just want to die, I can't deal with my own feelings and the constant battle inside my head. I have no motivation for anything at all and no future. I can't even leave the house alone because my anxiety is so bad. My relationship is falling apart because of my own trust issues and fear of abandonment. I destroy everything and have no future. I want to die so badly but the times I've tried I've either failed or stopped part way as I get scared of what happens if I fail or what may await me after death.

Decent family =/= no struggles.

There are many different reasons why people may struggle. You could've just happened to be born with some unfortunate genes that predisposed you to this. There could have been other environmental factors you couldn't even have considered that are affecting your mood. And it's okay to be exhausted by it, to struggle to fight it constantly, to have little motivation to go on. Extreme and unstable emotions could be a sign of an underlying health/mental health issue; it might bear to consider going to therapy, but I can also understand why you might not wish to do so. If you wish, there are methods threads here to read, though I wouldn't rush through anything, as it can result in a botched attempt.

Regarding death, there is no knowing of what will come, but in that same vein, there is no saying it'll be hell or more suffering. Regarding your potential future, if you do choose to go on, I cannot guarantee anything and I am not psychic. There might be some way of bouncing back from this; there might not be. Sorry if this is deeply unhelpful, but it's something to find out.

If your family loves you, they probably don't think you keep letting them down. They might be concerned about you, but I doubt the sort of people you are describing could think their relative a burden simply for going through a turbulent time like that.

I do hope you find a resolution to your issues, whatever methods you go with. All the best.

 

[FailureToAll]

While I'm fully acknowledging your pain and I sympathize, please don't try to exit by making any more heedless attempts to harm yourself.

I wish for you to be as well as possible until your time comes, and then exit just the way you want. You don't have to feel bad about planning it carefully ahead of time. It's a wise thing to do.

Many of us, me included, are here to help you with that and more. I am here to listen to you, without judging you, if you want to tell any of your stories.

How else can I help?

I don't think I will make any attempts until I do have a better plan.
Thank you for listening and asking what else you can do to help but honestly I'm not sure I'm just overwhelmed and lost and don't know what I need. I think just having someone listen and respond was enough

 

[whywere]

I have BPD REALLY bad. It makes the fear of being alone and/or abandonment so darn hard sometimes. Know the feeling so very well.

I want you to KNOW that having you here with everyone helps me each and every day and I hope in some small way it helps you also.

In my 67 plus years on this planet, I have had some failures true, BUT the lions share has been good or even better.

You are NOT a loser, or anything remotely even in the definition of the word or phrase and I want the very best for you and try not to let a situation, person or the like bring you down ever. Yes, it is easy to say and hard to do, heavens I have had decades to work on it and sometimes it still gets me, BUT with all the love and caring here, I hope that you understand just how important of a soul you are.

Lots of HUGE hugs, love, caring, kindness and lots, and lots of sunny blue skies and fields of lovely flower to/for you, my great friend.

Walter

 

[FailureToAll]

Decent family =/= no struggles.

There are many different reasons why people may struggle. You could've just happened to be born with some unfortunate genes that predisposed you to this. There could have been other environmental factors you couldn't even have considered that are affecting your mood. And it's okay to be exhausted by it, to struggle to fight it constantly, to have little motivation to go on. Extreme and unstable emotions could be a sign of an underlying health/mental health issue; it might bear to consider going to therapy, but I can also understand why you might not wish to do so. If you wish, there are methods threads here to read, though I wouldn't rush through anything, as it can result in a botched attempt.

Regarding death, there is no knowing of what will come, but in that same vein, there is no saying it'll be hell or more suffering. Regarding your potential future, if you do choose to go on, I cannot guarantee anything and I am not psychic. There might be some way of bouncing back from this; there might not be. Sorry if this is deeply unhelpful, but it's something to find out.

If your family loves you, they probably don't think you keep letting them down. They might be concerned about you, but I doubt the sort of people you are describing could think their relative a burden simply for going through a turbulent time like that.

I do hope you find a resolution to your issues, whatever methods you go with. All the best.

Thank you for saying that. Some of these things I logically know but at the same time it doesn't feel like they apply to me, I know of some factors that may have contributed to me being like this and I am diagnosed with social anxiety and depression but I still feel like it's just me that's the problem or created the problem and I'm just a bad person. The way I'm affected by certain things seems to extreme for how small the things were. There's other things I suspect I have but I find talking the therapists terrifying and don't feel capable of trying again currently.


I have read a few of the threads that I think might be achievable but the ones I would prefer require resources that I don't have yet. I will keep looking into the options though and plan more.

Maybe they don't. They're always supportive but I just feel worse because of that, I make them cry and cause them stress. If I died they may grieve, but then afterwards they would be free from the stress.

Thank you

 

[jussrav]

I don't know how people cope with their emotions. All my emotions and reactions are extreme. I feel like my chest will explode. I have been lucky enough to have a decent life my only problem is myself, I am just a failure that constantly creates bad situations for myself. I'm a burden to everyone. I'm lucky to have family that love me yet all I do is let them down. I just want to die, I can't deal with my own feelings and the constant battle inside my head. I have no motivation for anything at all and no future. I can't even leave the house alone because my anxiety is so bad. My relationship is falling apart because of my own trust issues and fear of abandonment. I destroy everything and have no future. I want to die so badly but the times I've tried I've either failed or stopped part way as I get scared of what happens if I fail or what may await me after death.

I can see from all your replies that everyone has said to you there is a chance not to do ctb. That's hopeful isn't it. Because on my posts people don't say that much. So take that as a blessing and make your life positive and sonething to be proud of. I am rooting for you xx

 

[FailureToAll]

I have BPD REALLY bad. It makes the fear of being alone and/or abandonment so darn hard sometimes. Know the feeling so very well.

I want you to KNOW that having you here with everyone helps me each and every day and I hope in some small way it helps you also.

In my 67 plus years on this planet, I have had some failures true, BUT the lions share has been good or even better.

You are NOT a loser, or anything remotely even in the definition of the word or phrase and I want the very best for you and try not to let a situation, person or the like bring you down ever. Yes, it is easy to say and hard to do, heavens I have had decades to work on it and sometimes it still gets me, BUT with all the love and caring here, I hope that you understand just how important of a soul you are.

Lots of HUGE hugs, love, caring, kindness and lots, and lots of sunny blue skies and fields of lovely flower to/for you, my great friend.

Walter

I somehow missed this and only just saw it now so sorry for replying late. Thank you Walter your response gave me a feeling of warmth. I'm glad you find help from having people here, I haven't been on this site for long but I have been finding it as my biggest comfort these last few days <3