Venting, My Method, and other Questions

[End_Game]

This site changed a lot. Where is the list of methods? I want my way to be fast, but not too fast and I don't want to drink anything. Seeing how I'm black and the south doesn't like that, I was thinking the other day I'll probably do suicide by cop. I get to die and they won't really mind doing it, plus they'd get away with it. Seems like a win-win. Of course with me being black, I'd have to make sure the cop is white. When I'm ready to do it, I'll just book a one-way trip down to Texas or Arizona and google for the most racist parts in that State. I don't want the person to feel guilty, that's why. So racism can actually work in my favor.

I'm not doing it anytime soon. Probably in my 40s or 50s, I'm 29 now. I've been saying since my early 20s that's when I'm probably gonna self-delete. Why wait, well my mom is still alive, so I have someone to talk to. I don't have any friends and I constantly get banned from sub Reddits lol. They think I'm a troll over there all the time when I'm not. But yeah, I just took a solo trip to Greece. I wanna travel the world and experience life before I go. I enjoyed my time in Greece and hope to go back, but when things didn't go right, I kept remembering that I'm alone and can't travel with friends even if I wanted to because they don't exist. I don't like depending on other people for happiness. Happiness comes from within, I can travel and live my best life on my own. But it's not like I'm traveling on my own because my friends didn't wanna come with me, it's the fact that I have no friends. I'm 29 years old and still a virgin. I'm going to try to get tested for Asperger's in a few months. It's not going to change much if it comes back that I am on the spectrum. At least I would just understand why my personality repels people. It wouldn't make a difference either way. At least I would just know. If I don't have Asperger's, then that just makes me an unlikeable person who gets taken advantage of whenever I show kindness. I can try to change that of course and see how things play out. But ultimately, I don't believe people change. I think if someone was a piece of shit 20 years ago, they are still a piece of shit. They just learned to hide in plain sight better. With me, I'm still going to be socially retarded, I'm just going to learn to hide it better.

So yeah, live my best life solo because I don't have a choice and then leave. A few family members would probably be shocked, but their life would go on as normal pretty much. My mom might be gone by then, unfortunately. And I can't have kids even if I wanted to because girls are always too busy to invest their time in to me. Nor are they obligated to. So it is what it is, sounds like everyone is pretty much ok with my death. I mean obviously, people won't be ok with it, but let's be honest they're not really gonna give a fuck either. There is not gonna really be anyone to give a fuck, if they even notice.

Anyway, I don't know if I'm venting or what. I lost the point of this post. So I will just ask 3 things.

Do you people understand where I'm coming from?

What do you think of my suicide method?

And where on earth are the list of methods, why did the site change so much over the past few years? (I guess that's two questions in one lol)

 

[Jrmull1993]

Do you people understand where I'm coming from?

I too don't relate to most people, and feel I have a complete disconnect. I also understand waiting because your mother is there to talk to you. I have one friend in my life which is the sole reason I'm still here.

What do you think of my suicide method?

To me it comes across as "reverse racism". A cop is only going to shoot if their life is threatened, why do that to someone? I see it as further polarizing society.

And where on earth are the list of methods, why did the site change so much over the past few years? (I guess that's two questions in one lol)

There are a whole bunch of megathreads, you can use the search function, or see the list of the more common ones here:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/suicide-resource-compilation.3/

 

[LittleJem]

It sounds like you are doing great all things considered, like going to Greece and still doing stuff you like.

Being kind and getting taken advantage of - yep. The world is beastly. I got scammed this whole year.

Suicide by cop.. the way you have argued it, why not…Use their racism against them for your benefit.

I don't want to drink anything gross either.

It sounds to me that you are smart and have it all worked out.

I wish it were easier to be different in this world

 

[End_Game]

To me it comes across as "reverse racism". A cop is only going to shoot if their life is threatened, why do that to someone? I see it as further polarizing society.

Call the cops on myself, I'm a black man but if you was to talk to me on the phone you'd think I'm a white woman. Ever time I'm on the phone they call me mama or miss by mistake. This will work in my favor.

2:17 AM "Hello, I need the cops over here. There is an African-American on the road and who has a gun in his back pocket. He looks drunk and he is standing outside of a car kicking it. Not sure if it's his."

Reality - The car is rented, I'm NOT drunk just holding a bottle of alcohol that I poured onto myself a little to make the bottle look half empty until I smell like alcohol, I'm kicking the car so they don't know if it's my car or not. They've been informed I have a weapon, it's dark outside and I'm wearing dark clothes. All I have to do is reach my back pocket real quick and aim something at them. Could be a cell phone, could be a toy gun. BAMM, my loneliness dies with me.

I don't have to die alone, there will be someone else with me as I die and it will be in a racist area that I did research on in the first place to mitigate the person filling guilt. Like I said, doing it this way makes it so I don't have to die alone. If that person hates me for my skin, a least there will be someone there. I think it's warm and beautiful from my perspective. They'll get away with it because I set them up to do this I genuinely do hope that they laugh about it with racist friends. I don't want them to feel bad. I feel so comfortable in this forum to the point where I can say I'm getting a little teary-eyed right now because I think it's so kind that we might both win in the end. I hope to use my last words to say thank you.

My plane ticket will be for one way. So.. once I leave my home state, I won't be coming back. It's not reverse racism, I'm trying to increase the chances of a racist shooting me by going to them. It would be selfish for me to not at the bare minimum at least do my research first.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry life has brought you to this point.

Honestly, getting someone to murder you seems a bit unfair though. Granted, I don't know your life experiences, I don't know the kind of racism you have endured. I don't know if literally ALL the police force in those states are racist arseholes. (I'm sure you're right that some of them are).

Trouble is, you have no way of choosing the person who comes along to your 'crime'. They may shoot you and maim you without killing you, they may not shoot you at all- in which case presumably you'll need to threaten or physically assault them to provoke a stronger reaction. Or, they might shoot you and regret it the rest of their lives.

I think we'd all like to die but not have to do it ourselves but there's just no way of knowing what reaction this will have on the other person. Sorry- that's just my opinion. I wish you peace whatever you decide and I hope you get to do some more travelling before you decide to go.

Regarding information on the methods, I think they call them 'mega-threads' on here but I'm not really sure.

 

[End_Game]

I'm sorry life has brought you to this point.

Honestly, getting someone to murder you seems a bit unfair though. Granted, I don't know your life experiences, I don't know the kind of racism you have endured. I don't know if literally ALL the police force in those states are racist arseholes. (I'm sure you're right that some of them are).

Trouble is, you have no way of choosing the person who comes along to your 'crime'. They may shoot you and maim you without killing you, they may not shoot you at all- in which case presumably you'll need to threaten or physically assault them to provoke a stronger reaction. Or, they might shoot you and regret it the rest of their lives.

I think we'd all like to die but not have to do it ourselves but there's just no way of knowing what reaction this will have on the other person. Sorry- that's just my opinion. I wish you peace whatever you decide and I hope you get to do some more travelling before you decide to go.

Regarding information on the methods, I think they call them 'mega-threads' on here but I'm not really sure.

I have not really endured a unreasonable amount of racism. Some here and there but nothing heavy. I've also never experienced anything heavy with the cops. My whole reason for doing this is because I'm alone and won't be missed. So if I feel that way, then me staying alive it's just me torturing myself and forcing myself to live in a world that doesn't give two shits about me. If succeed, people don't care. If I lose, people don't care. If I try to invite someone to hang out with me, the answer is no, or I'm busy. If I send someone something for their birthday, they won't send me anything for my birthday. If my mom is in the hospital, I will tell my closest friend and she will ask me what happened, after telling her what happened she will read my message and not reply. Although, she might actually be going through something. However, at the same time, I feel like I'm probably not her most favorite friend. Of all her friends I'm probably the one that's a burden. She's a good friend though, and someone who helps me want to stay alive just by being friends with her. However, we're just friends. I have no interest in being anything more than that with her. Plus she's married. It's not fair if my happiness is dependent upon her. It's my responsibility to go out there and make other friends, if I'm having a hard time doing that that's on me. I want to travel with someone I genuinely like, if I can't find that person, that's on me. At the end of the day when it comes to making friends, I'm incompetent. There's nothing wrong with that. That's on me and if I kill myself or get myself killed when I'm older, I won't have to worry about disturbing people's lives around me. At the bare minimum, my funeral would probably be inconvenient for them. That's all.

Would've been nice to have kids in my late 30s or early 40s though, unfortunately, that strongly appears to be unrealistic. I'm not pitying myself. I'm simply using logic to silence my loneliness. I'm not necessarily in pain like I use to be and I don't have any childhood trauma. I just want friends that I genuinely like and appreciate me when I'm being retarded or saying something politically incorrect. Friends who I can argue with but at the end of the day, we still love one another. Only attractive women have access to this reality. I do not. Even Chris Rock said only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only cared for under the condition he provides something. I respect him for telling it like it is. The truth that society wants to ignore. I mean think about it, I can kill myself when I'm older and no one's life would fall apart. If that's the case, why am I alive? I can't enjoy my sexual experience while I'm young, but I can sure enjoy my travel experience even if it's by myself. Once these experiences are complete in my youth, why would I stay here when I'm older? It doesn't make any sense. My suicide is pure logic based so I can stop asking myself why don't I have anyone to talk to or enjoy my life with.

If I have to enjoy my life on my own, fine. I just have to make sure the flame of my youth burns bright on its own before the light goes out. From a logical standpoint, my death makes sense. Plus, people find me annoying as fuck anyway. I don't really like people and people don't like me. I'm old enough to where I have learned to embrace that and move accordingly. That's what this is.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I have not really endured a unreasonable amount of racism. Some here and there but nothing heavy. I've also never experienced anything heavy with the cops. My whole reason for doing this is because I'm alone and won't be missed. So if I feel that way, then me staying alive it's just me torturing myself and forcing myself to live in a world that doesn't give two shits about me. If succeed, people don't care. If I lose, people don't care. If I try to invite someone to hang out with me, the answer is no, or I'm busy. If I send someone something for their birthday, they won't send me anything for my birthday. If my mom is in the hospital, I will tell my closest friend and she will ask me what happened, after telling her what happened she will read my message and not reply. Although, she might actually be going through something. However, at the same time, I feel like I'm probably not her most favorite friend. Of all her friends I'm probably the one that's a burden. She's a good friend though, and someone who helps me want to stay alive just by being friends with her. However, we're just friends. I have no interest in being anything more than that with her. Plus she's married. It's not fair if my happiness is dependent upon her. It's my responsibility to go out there and make other friends, if I'm having a hard time doing that that's on me. I want to travel with someone I genuinely like, if I can't find that person, that's on me. At the end of the day when it comes to making friends, I'm incompetent. There's nothing wrong with that. That's on me and if I kill myself or get myself killed when I'm older, I won't have to worry about disturbing people's lives around me. At the bare minimum, my funeral would probably be inconvenient for them. That's all.

Would've been nice to have kids in my late 30s or early 40s though, unfortunately, that strongly appears to be unrealistic. I'm not pitying myself. I'm simply using logic to silence my loneliness. I'm not necessarily in pain like I use to be and I don't have any childhood trauma. I just want friends that I genuinely like and appreciate me when I'm being retarded or saying something politically incorrect. Friends who I can argue with but at the end of the day, we still love one another. Only attractive women have access to this reality. I do not. Even Chris Rock said only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only cared for under the condition he provides something. I respect him for telling it like it is. The truth that society wants to ignore. I mean think about it, I can kill myself when I'm older and no one's life would fall apart. If that's the case, why am I alive? I can't enjoy my sexual experience while I'm young, but I can sure enjoy my travel experience even if it's by myself. Once these experiences are complete in my youth, why would I stay here when I'm older? It doesn't make any sense. My suicide is pure logic based so I can stop asking myself why don't I have anyone to talk to or enjoy my life with.

If I have to enjoy my life on my own, fine. I just have to make sure the flame of my youth burns bright on its own before the light goes out. From a logical standpoint, my death makes sense. Plus, people find me annoying as fuck anyway. I don't really like people and people don't like me. I'm old enough to where I have learned to embrace that and move accordingly. That's what this is.

I sympathise on a lot of what you are saying. I'm very much a loner. I used to really want love and friendship but I don't really trust either of those things now. People have their own lives and I have come to accept that more- now that I'm older (I'm 42). I try to have less expectations of people- that way, there's less disappointment.

Also absolutely agree that it's on us to a larger extent what happens in life- if we want it, we have to go out and get it- including friends. I have massive social anxiety and am actually more comfortable on my own, so it's not something I want to be bothered with but I do understand the want for it.

It's hard to know what to say- other than REAL friends (in my opinion) should feel effortless and comfortable to be around because they like you for who you are. Maybe you just haven't found them yet but sadly- it does mean meeting more people to try and seek them out.

Honestly, I'm such a pessimist that I've never wanted children. Couldn't bear to think of them being as unhappy as me. I have had crappy childhood stuff- so maybe that is something to do with it but I think life is just too stacked with negative possibilities to bring an innocent life into it. That's just me though- a pessimist- don't want to be passing those negative genes on to anyone else and honestly- think this planet would be much better off if a whole lot of us stopped reproducing.

I'm sorry things have turned out the way they have for you. I absolutely agree with you though- I see no appeal in getting old and infirm. 'Live fast, die young' and all that. I hope you are either able to meet some nice folk out there who you feel real connection to, or I hope you can feel more at ease being alone. Either way, I wish you all the best.