Venting venting about my friends boyfriend

[L34F]

not too long ago i went to visit my internet friend. it was our first time meeting and i'll be honest it didn't go very well and not as i expected. The night before I left she went to play some game with her boyfriend (he promised me stardew valley when I got home so we could play together with my friend and him), after a while she came to me and said she would be done in about 15 minutes and we would go play uno with her. it ended up being over an hour, I got tired of waiting for her and went to her room to remind her that we were supposed to go hang out. I ended up telling her that it had been over an hour, she didn't even apologize and laughed at me. I got angry and honestly I don't remember what I said, but I didn't insult anyone, just swore and said that it was not right to do that to guests and that I was annoyed that she was playing with her boyfriend on my last day with them. Then we finally did play and before I went to bed I apologized to her, she said it was okay and asked why I hated her boyfriend. I explained why and that seemed to be the end of the conflict.
I finally went home, apologized again and asked her to apologize to her boyfriend. She calmed me down again and said it was okay and he`s not mad at me.
In the end I never got the game and when I asked her why, she told me that it was because I had humiliated her boyfriend and he was offended by it. That kind of thing.
I never humiliate or insult anyone unless there is a good reason and I am provoked. I don't know what he said to her, but in the end she almost turned her back on me. I feel bad that he didn't confront me personally and instead decided to turn the only person close to me against me and make me feel guilty. I feel awful, my mental health was already terrible before this, but now it's even worse. now no one wants to help me and the only way i see is suicide. i hate this person and i hate myself for being so gullible. if i knew my best friend was going to be taken away from me, i would never have agreed to go to her. i feel like garbage now. i don`t know what to do. she doesn't even want to listen to me and deal with the problem. i don't want to get in touch with this guy and i won't, i'm more than sure that he has blocked me everywhere. i don't care what kind of relationship they will have. i don`t care about him. it hurts me that he doesn't even know me and the reasons for my behavior, not knowing about my problems decided to take away the closest person to me. it hurts me that my best friend doesn't believe me, but him.
I have no friends besides her. I have no one else to share my joys or worries with. I have no one else to play video games with. and I doubt I'll ever have friends, a boyfriend, or a soulmate.

 

[voidreverse1982]

If I were you, I would just sit back and relax, put on some nice music and try to forget about it for the moment, try to join a community online that you feel comfortable with and try to find someone that can cover up that missing gap your best friend used to cover. This is just my personal opinion and I completely understand the feeling of seeing suicide as the only way. You will probably think your next friendship is either going to be worse than the one you previously had or that you will just be replaced again at any given moment and therefore feeling helpless, but this is just the life as it is, with constant ups and downs. You have to accept that your friend is probably gone forever, at least until she realizes how deeply you regret everything that happened and comes back to you. If that's the case, I don't even know whether you should come back to be friends with her, because who can guarantee that the same thing doesn't happen again.. I mean, the same thing can happen to literally anyone else, but it's just more likely for it to happen again when it already happened once. Eitherway, people change over the course of many years, people's lifes change and so do yours and your friends, so they may leave you for any reason, no matter if you knew them for years or just days. But as people change, they can also become friends with you when they wouldn't before, so I do believe that anyone can find their right friend or partner with enough effort, even if it seems really hard to do so.

Anyways, this is your life for now and you decide what to do with it, either keep seeking out for actual friends or to just give up and give in to suicide, I wish you the best of luck in whatever way you are going for and hope that you can succeed in whatever you are planning on doing.