Vent.

[ForbiddenSiren]

Maybe this is just a moment im having, im not sure. But I feel so alone. Tempted to walk into the police station pretending I have something in my pocket so they gun me down. Realistically I will probably just hang myself in the forest. Life has constantly been unfair. I know it sounds cliche but its true. Tortured as a child. Bullied to hell as a teenager. Mind fucked as an adult. In my current situation with my on and off again girlfriend of 10 years, she has ignored me for over a week now. I havent heard from her. Going outside is hard and trying to wake up to go to work is killing me. This isnt how I pictured life.

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you're suffering and have to work

 

[ukket]

I can relate, i just don't want to get up in the morning, everything seems a struggle and cannot see the reason why we have to go through this cycle every bloody day... Hope you can find peace.

 

[actual_fox]

If you feel this way you have the right to do so. Please just do not suicide by cop, It would be super stressful or make It even worse. I did go to the forest to hang myself quite a few times. It always make me feel better to walk in the nature outside of well known paths.

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

I think it's far more cliche to be happy and shallow like most people are, and you seem to be a lot more interesting and deep of a person to me, so I admire that. I'm not trying to disuade you but I would strongly advise against either of the two methods you mentioned; one of them is actually difficult and the other will get you sectioned in minutes if you fail. I hope you find some kind of happiness before you go...

Thanks, I will try and keep going for a bit longer. Will see how things pan out over for the next week.

 

[Everlong]

"Maybe this is just a moment im having, im not sure."

Red flag, Bro. It's you're life and decision, but I'm going to be damn sure I'm not saying anything like this when I go. Please don't be impulsive or vengeful (towards her)IF that is a motivation.
I'm no prolifer and I believe my time is short so don't misunderstand me.
Damn, I can relate to your history with society. We can be fucks. I was absolutely bullied to not end as a kid. I was a late bloomer. Got some meat on me and that shit ceased.
You mentioned the forest. I'd that a special place for you or just a bunch of gallows with leaves? Nature does some amazing shit for a tortured mind.
Is she ghosting you for a particular reason? Can you work on that? Like one issue at a time?
We will fail eachother. Happiness isn't inside her. I'm not being hypocritical. I too have a familial issue and involves my wife, mostly. I'm only pumping the brakes because you say you aren't sure. This decision carries more weight than any you can make. Everything you're going through, every decision you've made can be worked on. Not this one. Game over is just that. Can you and do you feel comfortable giving more details?

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is such a horrible, cruel existence and it does feel as though there is no real relief from suffering in a life like this. I'm sorry that you have had to endure so much. I wish you freedom.

 

[Lost Magic]

While I understand your pain I would not go down the cop gunning down routine. It's really not fair on them or you to go out this way. Whatever method you decide see if you can get some propranolol and/or benzodiazepines to calm you down beforehand. Best wishes!

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

While I understand your pain I would not go down the cop gunning down routine. It's really not fair on them or you to go out this way. Whatever method you decide see if you can get some propranolol and/or benzodiazepines to calm you down beforehand. Best wishes!

Thanks, you are right. Was just a lack of impulse control to post this, I dont want to traumatize anyone. Hopefully this week gets better. Thanks for replying and I hope you're doing ok

"Maybe this is just a moment im having, im not sure."

Red flag, Bro. It's you're life and decision, but I'm going to be damn sure I'm not saying anything like this when I go. Please don't be impulsive or vengeful (towards her)IF that is a motivation.
I'm no prolifer and I believe my time is short so don't misunderstand me.
Damn, I can relate to your history with society. We can be fucks. I was absolutely bullied to not end as a kid. I was a late bloomer. Got some meat on me and that shit ceased.
You mentioned the forest. I'd that a special place for you or just a bunch of gallows with leaves? Nature does some amazing shit for a tortured mind.
Is she ghosting you for a particular reason? Can you work on that? Like one issue at a time?
We will fail eachother. Happiness isn't inside her. I'm not being hypocritical. I too have a familial issue and involves my wife, mostly. I'm only pumping the brakes because you say you aren't sure. This decision carries more weight than any you can make. Everything you're going through, every decision you've made can be worked on. Not this one. Game over is just that. Can you and do you feel comfortable giving more details?

Its not vengeful. I wish her the best. The situation that is going on is because i talked to a female friend who stopped me from killing myself. But I am constantly getting accused of cheating on my partner because I talked to her. I literally just talked to this person online. It just felt good to have a support network. But i am not allowed to have female friends. She has heaps of male friends and I dont care. A friend is a friend. Kinda ironic because she slept with someone else not even 24 hours after. I have never been unfaithful to her. And yes the forest is a special place, my best friend hung himself there years ago. Thanks for your reply and I hope you are doing ok

 

[Everlong]

Thanks, you are right. Was just a lack of impulse control to post this, I dont want to traumatize anyone. Hopefully this week gets better. Thanks for replying and I hope you're doing ok

Its not vengeful. I wish her the best. The situation that is going on is because i talked to a female friend who stopped me from killing myself. But I am constantly getting accused of cheating on my partner because I talked to her. I literally just talked to this person online. It just felt good to have a support network. But i am not allowed to have female friends. She has heaps of male friends and I dont care. A friend is a friend. Kinda ironic because she slept with someone else not even 24 hours after. I have never been unfaithful to her. And yes the forest is a special place, my best friend hung himself there years ago. Thanks for your reply and I hope you are doing ok

Jealous people are usually the unfaithful ones, I have found. We are most annoyed by others whom exhibit the qualities we dislike most in ourselves. Time to find peaches from another tree, I think.
You sound like a sensitive soul. Any like minded others around who catch your fancy? Might be worth another go in the bike before you catch the bus?
Thank you. Today is a decent day.

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

Jealous people are usually the unfaithful ones, I have found. We are most annoyed by others whom exhibit the qualities we dislike most in ourselves. Time to find peaches from another tree, I think.
You sound like a sensitive soul. Any like minded others around who catch your fancy? Might be worth another go in the bike before you catch the bus?
Thank you. Today is a decent day.

Yep you are right! And nope no one catches my interest, been so despondent to other people lately. Im glad you are having a decent day :) if you are ever struggling send me a pm and I will help in any way I can

 

[Everlong]

Yep you are right! And nope no one catches my interest, been so despondent to other people lately. Im glad you are having a decent day :) if you are ever struggling send me a pm and I will help in any way I can

Likewise, I'm sure.