Venting vent

[kimikatachibana]

venting here again
i can't stop coming back to my ex, i'm really at my breaking point and contacting him are just my desperate attempts to cling on
he keeps calling me selfish for still trying to talk to him cause i keep hurting him, i really do love and care about him but i really can't control myself sometimes and i get mental breakdowns just by reminding myself he's gone because of me so i desperately try just to hear from him again by calling him. i feel so guilty for still wanting to talk to him and i hate myself so much for still letting myself contact him after everything but i love him too much it's killing me. i'll never love anyone other than him and the fact that i'm mentally fucked and that i went through a lot before just makes it harder cause i don't know any better other than to just be desperate and worse. i lost my will to get better, i don't wanna find anyone that can take his place as my boyfriend and i have to just accept i'll grieve over him until the day i ctb.
true love can be either the best or the worst thing that exists :)