NSFW (Vent) I know people are tired of me

[SantasHelper]

Toggle NSFW for mention of s*x

I'm starting to feel really helpless when it comes to my mental illness. I'm an autistic person with multiple mental illnesses and it's ruining & controlling my life. PTSD, Depression, Anxiety. As the days passes, life feels like it becomes harder to function. I get panic attacks daily and/or I get so overwhelmed in every way possible (socially and physically) which also brings me to the point of panic attacks or even meltdowns.

My parents stopped caring about me. Whenever I'm panicking, sobbing uncontrollably, or I'm so scared that I can't breathe, my parents completely ignore me. Even when I start to scream, they ignore me. They also deny my autism and they are embarrassed about it when I bring it up or others know.

I even get panic attacks during s*x, and my partners look at me like they're disappointed at me or they're tired of me. I can't control it. I went to therapy many years for help, but now they're coming back again in full force. Everyone just seems tired of me. My partner, my family, my friends. I'm starting to think nobody cares at all.

I recently have been diagnosed a rare form of cancer. I'm too much of a wimp to CTB. So honestly, this cancer is my only way out of here. I know I sound terrible, there are so many people in the world to wish to be cured of their cancer. But I can no longer endure the pain of life. This cancer will not only "accidentally" kill me, the pain passing on to others (if it even will) won't be as bad compared to CTB, because this is something out of my control.

Just wanted to vent again. I wish I could truly CTB but it's not possible. I'll just let the cancer take it's course.
Forgot to add that my current therapist doesn't even reach back to me and when I try to find a new one. None of them reach back to me either. It's like they all know I'm a lost cause tbh

sorry typos

 

[Why Me?]

I'm an autistic person with multiple mental illnesses and it's ruining & controlling my life. PTSD, Depression, Anxiety. As the days passes, life feels like it becomes harder to function.

I'm dealing with the same issues on top of being in a nightmare living situation. Everybody is tired of me too. I had some people whom I was venting to, and they stopped calling me, and I don't blame them, even though it just adds to my pain. Humans can only handle so much, especially because they are designed to keep themselves happy, nobody wants to be pulled into a bad mood dealing with someone else when they don't have to. I am clearly a very unlikeable disaster exploding with trauma, desperate for help. That's why I am now just focusing on the root of the problem, which is me having the horrible bad luck of being me. It's not fair that I was damaged mostly by my "mother" & "sisters" which ended up ruining my life, and making my mental illnesses worse, plus other horrible stuff, it is what it is. They got away with it, nobody cares. I will be CTBing very very soon

I'm sorry to hear what you've been dealing with, I hope you find peace. Thanks for sharing.

 

[SantasHelper]

I'm dealing with the same issues on top of being in a nightmare living situation. Everybody is tired of me too. I had some people whom I was venting to, and they stopped calling me, and I don't blame them, even though it just adds to my pain. Humans can only handle so much, especially because they are designed to keep themselves happy, nobody wants to be pulled into a bad mood dealing with someone else when they don't have to. I am clearly a very unlikeable disaster exploding with trauma, desperate for help. That's why I am now just focusing on the root of the problem, which is me having the horrible bad luck of being me. It's not fair that I was damaged mostly by my "mother" & "sisters" which ended up ruining my life, and making my mental illnesses worse, plus other horrible stuff, it is what it is. They got away with it, nobody cares. I will be CTBing very very soon

I'm sorry to hear what you've been dealing with, I hope you find peace. Thanks for sharing.

I genuinely feel like you wrote out some parts of my life. I can completely relate to you too. You even type like me.

I hope you find peace too in whatever you choose to do

 

[CTB Dream]

Vry sry, all this have v crurl this life no end pain sffr illne etc vry sry cncr, this awfl all ppl no care only shllw ,rly sry hpn all hope peace

 

[The anhedonic one]

People are the worst when it comes to caring about mentally ill people.
They stop caring because they are stupid and selfish, and conveniently forget that mental illness isn't attention seeking behaviour, but is actually agony of the soul.
Family members are often the worst offenders when it comes to this type of behaviour.

 

[MrDarkness]

I'm sorry your going through this right now, best I can suggest is medication to help your panic attacks, that's the best I can suggest, and I'm sorry to hear about the cancer

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really awful and tiring what you have to go through, existence is just too cruel and there is too much suffering in existing. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry what you have to endure is awful. It's inhumane not to grant assisted suicide even in the case of cancer and humans have to wait a long time just to die of cancer should they have the wish the leave this world. I hope you can find peace!

 

[ANTALWOODA]

I can relate at some level, i am truly sorry what you're going through, anxiety and panic attacks are scary to me, having cancer is frightening, you are not alone, most of my family don't care about me and it hurts, i just wish that something good happens in your life, something that can ease pain you are going through

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

No one is tired of you.

I hope your cancer won't be painful. I know it can be particularly unpleasant. I'm not sure I envy you. It would be great to have a way out of this miserable existence but I'm not sure I'd want it to be cancer. I hope the doctors are good to you and give you lots of strong pain killers etc.

BTW you don't need to sensor "sex", this isn't reddit. Thankfully this place has not been overrun with snowflakes