Venting Vent/advice?

[I_am_Lo]

My partner keeps hiding his phone, when messaging someone, he will only answer with "no one" or "nothing" when i ask who or what he's talking about, hes become kind of distant and refuses to talk to me about anything that is wrong with him or if anything happened, he barely even talks to me in general anymore, i dont know what to do, i honestly might just ctb tonight and disappear, he keeps saying im horrible and mean to him, yet he keeps making jokes that are triggering and upsetting and he'll grab me even though ive told him lots that it trigfers me and triggers my claustrophobia
i dont know what to do
i just want to stop existing
disappear and stop hurting everyone
what am i supposed to do?
this is a situation ive never been in before
i just want to disappear

 

[Heidi48]

really sorry to hear hes making you feel this way. Do you have somewhere you could go for a few days, get some space?

 

[I_am_Lo]

really sorry to hear hes making you feel this way. Do you have somewhere you could go for a few days, get some space?

not really, my friend in portugal in thinking of sending me money to go to my friend's in scotland but i dont want him to, that costs a lot, and it wouldnt be fair on my friend to impose my issues onto him, im looking at all sorts online but, if i were to bring it up directly or abruptly im worried that my partner will shut down or get mad at me, with all my trauma the worst thing in my mind is anyone being mad at me

i will ask around and see if anyone is able to let me stay with them, thank you its genuinely making me consider ctb early