Vent about being in the Psych ward and wanting to CTB

[Sadness20]

I'm so tired of life. So tired of everything. In my mind is a big fat knot and if i tear at one end it just gets worse. It hurts so much. No one seems to even be able to imagine just how much i hate myself. I'm not able to talk to anyone about it. I have never mentioned this to ANYONE. Basically I have bad thoughts about wanting someone to take care of me. Sometimes i sit in my room crying just waiting for someone to come to me. And when i realize im thinking that, i start hating myself so badly i just want to CTB. I feel like i'm such an awful, terrible, disgusting person. I hate myself so much. I wished i was just gone. I wish it was over. I shouldnt even be allowed to exist. I should just be dead. Well now I'm in the psych ward, in the closed one and cant go through with my plan. I'm so lost. I cant start having hope again because that means comitting to a world full of pain. But i also cant stay here forever. I'm so lost i dont even know what i want anymore.

 

[dolemitedrums]

What you have described doesn't sound like an awful or disgusting person.

 

[Sadness20]

What you have described doesn't sound like an awful or disgusting person.

Does it not? I feel like it does..

 

[wantedloser]

You don't sound awful to me at all. Almost everyone has certain wants and needs, like to be taken care of in some way or this or that.