This is really upsetting. Depending on where you live, investigate concealed carry permit and firearms training. 9mm frangible (hollow-point). Two books: DEADLY FORCE (Understanding Your Right To Self-Defense) by Massad Ayoob; AFTER YOU SHOOT by Alan Korwin. Another title that might be of interest :ARREST-PROOF YOURSELF by Dale C. Carson (ex-FBI, SWAT sniper, etc.) Get training. Call a gun shop and ask about hands-on training. Get a concealed carry permit. Know the law. Be prepared. Fuck this scumbag. These kind of psychoes are not to be taken lightly. There are lots of semi-auots that are lightweight and compact. Good to have a revolver as well at home as back up. Maybe a shotgun too. But I'm cool with 2 handguns for self-defense (I live in a high homicide area). No hugs for thugs. Love the additional idea of cursing this s.o.b. Check out MAGICKAL ATTACK by Gordon WInterfield, and also ANGELS OF WRATH by same author). Stay safe. Be proactive.
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If you haven't yet, we highly encourage you to check out our Recovery Resources thread!
Susannah
Mage
- Jul 2, 2018
- 530
I live in Norway. We're not allowed to defend ourselves using any kind of weapon. I used to practice boxing, still do, but in this case my skills wouldn't stand a chance. Thanks anyway.
The problem is, to really be effective, you need combat training with your weapon, not self-defense training. If you are defending, and not the aggressor, you are already at a huge disadvantage. As a guy, you can carry in a pocket or iwh. That may not work with women's clothing. There are purses specially designed for cc, but that only works if you have the purse at all times.
Another problem is the false sense of security that comes with carrying. Inside of 7 yards, only the best trained people will be able to draw and fire before the threat is close enough to grab them. Unfortunately, for most women, once a man has them, they don't have the strength or size to get free. A lanyard push knife would be much more effective in a situation like this.
In the house, I don't recommend a shotgun for most women. I think a better solution is something small and light, with a lot of rounds. My #1 recommendation would be a 9mm ar pistol with 8in barrel. I have one, and it's so much fun to shoot. They work with glock 33 round mags, have an adjustable stock, 3 points of contact, and a rail for a red dot. If anyone does get one of these - DO NOT get the 27 round pmag magazines. The jam all the time. Stick with real glock, or even the clear no-name mag that comes with the gun.
I see. Unfortunate. Here are some songs to fortify your inner warrior woman spirit. The dude's a bully/psycho/piece of garbage. Stay strong and vigilant. I am rooting for you.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWQdEDtveB0
www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkgAykrjDdg
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb0w08EKkGA
www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRXtYZPJTyE
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oA2qKqQ7SeQ
www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmYyPcEQKU4
www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9-SwZbhNqU
And if the police (domestic or Interpol) are reading this, why don't you do something to help this lovely woman in Norway? Don't destroy First Amendment liberties. If you're going to do that, why don't you go after the guy who created the Internet Archive? Look under "Folkscanomy: Books", and then click on "Self-Defense" and tell me why you don't do a thing about the heinous, DANGEROUS (!) how-to knowledge available for any and all there, and instead focus on a site such as this. You know why! That info. on how to make silencers, homemade C4, armor-piercing bullets is all protected under the First Amendment. I hate that that material is available and wish the Internet Archive would ban it and the abundance of anti-Semitic, pro_Nazi filth. But it's protected speech. How is what's on this site protected as well? Any good lawyer with gonads or ovaries would directly cite this hypocrisy and selective prosecution.
All EXCELLENT points! I really hate thugs like this and feel very protective of folks on the receiving end.
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Susannah
Mage
- Jul 2, 2018
- 530
Today it happened again. I was on my way out the door (was going to work) when I heard an explosion-like sound from the living room. At first I thought it was a bomb, and I was terrified. I walked carefully out onto the porch. The neighbors came too, just as startled.
The psychopath is obviously back on a revenge tour, because I reported him to the police before Christmas. Three times after he got the restraining order, he destroyed my car. He also smashed and destroyed the neighbor's car. All cases have been dropped.
Today he escalated further. Another neighbor had seen him cycling quickly across our lawn, throwing a huge rock through the window of my living room. It was a large crater of a hole, and the sofas, the bed and the floor were covered with tens of thousands of pieces of glass.
I called the police, and the neighbors gave a description of the guy. There is no doubt that he is the perpetrator.
My dog was lying on the couch and got a lot of glass over him. I'll take him to the vet tomorrow, and sew some deeper cuts he got from sharp classpieces.
I'm so disappointed with the police. They do nothing. They said they would help me if I reported him, but that's just a lie. I have a son too. Fortunately, he was not home. I feel so helpless, stupid and ashamed. What can I do?
Do I have to live like that, maybe for the rest of my life?
The psychopath is obviously back on a revenge tour, because I reported him to the police before Christmas. Three times after he got the restraining order, he destroyed my car. He also smashed and destroyed the neighbor's car. All cases have been dropped.
Today he escalated further. Another neighbor had seen him cycling quickly across our lawn, throwing a huge rock through the window of my living room. It was a large crater of a hole, and the sofas, the bed and the floor were covered with tens of thousands of pieces of glass.
I called the police, and the neighbors gave a description of the guy. There is no doubt that he is the perpetrator.
My dog was lying on the couch and got a lot of glass over him. I'll take him to the vet tomorrow, and sew some deeper cuts he got from sharp classpieces.
I'm so disappointed with the police. They do nothing. They said they would help me if I reported him, but that's just a lie. I have a son too. Fortunately, he was not home. I feel so helpless, stupid and ashamed. What can I do?
Do I have to live like that, maybe for the rest of my life?
I hate how the police are so useless and dismissive when it comes to stalking. I don't know how to help, but do stay safe and speak up if things escalate. Annoy the police if you have to, it's their job to deal with things like this.
If the police don't do anything, I know some people can't afford it but try getting a attorney and bring it to court.
There literally are Supreme Court decisions in the US that decided it's NOT the police's job to protect you. https://www.nytimes.com/2005/06/28/...ot-have-a-constitutional-duty-to-protect.html
You get a gun and protect yourself or become a victim. That's the reality of the situation.
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markimobzzdeasui
Life is a cruel joke
- Oct 24, 2021
- 1,149
Sorry you had to experience such horrible circumstances. I don't know if this would help you or not but if you can give it a try, then maybe try Richard grannon channel on yt. It seems he has a lot of practical life experiences on dealing with psychopaths and narcissists and he even understand their mindsets and ways to manipulate them to decrease their abuses. Again I am sorry.
Yeah, this is the video she needs to watch and practice until it becomes second nature.
Here's another good one if someone is holding you down.
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Yikes, as if I couldn't hate the government system even more. No wonder the police are so ineffective.
In that case, getting a permit to carry is a good idea. But I don't really know if they can get a permit because of mental health records, hopefully that won't be the case.
I guess I learned something new today, many thanks!
Susannah
Mage
- Jul 2, 2018
- 530
Update on the psycho- stalker:
Before the summer, I received a summons to a court hearing from the police. I was summoned as a police witness. I called the responsible lawyer. She said the reason for the main hearing is that the stalker has not accepted, or paid the fine for violating all the restraining orders. This will take place in October this year. I don't get any compensation (I live in Norway), but of course I have to attend the hearing.
The stalker still rides his bike around the lawn a few days a week. He has also started sending warnings via SMS. I have sent "evidence" to the police.
My question is: Can I ask for an extension of the restraining order in court? The visiting ban expires from 2023.
He will never stop harassing me and my family. I can move to another place, but not in a few years from now. How can I get the judiciary to understand this? Will I be able to tell my story?
Thanks in advance
Before the summer, I received a summons to a court hearing from the police. I was summoned as a police witness. I called the responsible lawyer. She said the reason for the main hearing is that the stalker has not accepted, or paid the fine for violating all the restraining orders. This will take place in October this year. I don't get any compensation (I live in Norway), but of course I have to attend the hearing.
The stalker still rides his bike around the lawn a few days a week. He has also started sending warnings via SMS. I have sent "evidence" to the police.
My question is: Can I ask for an extension of the restraining order in court? The visiting ban expires from 2023.
He will never stop harassing me and my family. I can move to another place, but not in a few years from now. How can I get the judiciary to understand this? Will I be able to tell my story?
Thanks in advance
Suicidebydeath
No chances to be happy - dead inside
- Nov 25, 2021
- 3,559
Maybe write it down and make sure you tell them this. I don't see why you couldn't ask for an extension, if he's already breaking the restraining orders as is. I hope it works out for you.
Serious question, if the person is already breaking a restraining order, what is an extension supposed to do?
Red lights are supposed to stop cars, but people get killed in crosswalks all the time.
Suicidebydeath
No chances to be happy - dead inside
- Nov 25, 2021
- 3,559
By breaking the restraining order it's providing constant evidence that the stalker is a legitimate threat. Therefore by extending the restraining order, evidence will continue to be built up. Basically it makes OP's case stronger and easier, than if he was continuing to stalk but not flagrantly defying any legal orders, and provides OP with more immediate protections. I'd go so far as to say that not having an extension would be downright dangerous. With the order in place, an emergency call placed by OP in complaint of the stalker should be guaranteed to be taken seriously and promptly.
Once OP states at an official hearing that the stalker is defying the restraining orders, then hopefully they should take it more seriously. OP is being let down by the system but they can only ignore so much. The court hearing is exactly the place to air this.
Red lights are supposed to stop cars, and when people don't stop at a red light, they get in legal trouble.
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Op lives in the us. There are no guaranteed protections here (I posted the SCOTUS decision earlier). Also, any one of those violations could be the op's last if they decide to get violent.
Restraining orders are a joke in the us, and most of the world from what I've seen. If someone intends to harm you, a court decision or piece of paper won't stop them. A bullet will.
Same with red lights. Sure, the person who runs the red light and kills someone may wind up in jail, but the other person is already dead. What difference does it make to them at that point.
Suicidebydeath
No chances to be happy - dead inside
- Nov 25, 2021
- 3,559
I'm aware the US has some problems. Regardless of what you think, there is zero reason for OP not to mention everything they've already stated and request an extension. You're not being at all supportive right now, the only thing you could possibly be doing is making OP unsure, when what they need right now is some certainty.
Are you seriously comparing a restraining order to a traffic light? Wtf.
@Susannah ignore this tool. You're doing the right thing. Keep sending the evidence to the police, and prepare for what you're going to say at the court hearing. The fact that he defys the restraining order is important, you can ask for an extension, you can tell them he'll never stop harassing you. You should get a chance to speak. Take notes if you have to. You can make any other preparations to be safe in the meantime.
It's sad that you have to move out but the justice system fails sometimes. There's an allergy to arresting people sometimes.
Are you seriously comparing a restraining order to a traffic light? Wtf.
@Susannah ignore this tool. You're doing the right thing. Keep sending the evidence to the police, and prepare for what you're going to say at the court hearing. The fact that he defys the restraining order is important, you can ask for an extension, you can tell them he'll never stop harassing you. You should get a chance to speak. Take notes if you have to. You can make any other preparations to be safe in the meantime.
It's sad that you have to move out but the justice system fails sometimes. There's an allergy to arresting people sometimes.
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Guess you haven't changed, still calling people names. Very mature my friend.
Don't bother responding, I'm ignoring you going forward.
Suicidebydeath
No chances to be happy - dead inside
- Nov 25, 2021
- 3,559
I'm just calling it how it is, you're a tool and you're not being supportive. OP asked a question and you've jumped on it right away asking for relevance. That makes zero sense. Why are you even here with that attitude?
You are in the wrong here, telling someone that its pointless to extend their restraining order is extremely irresponsible. Did I hit a nerve or something, are you a stalker? It seems like it with that comment. Going over your previous posts in the thread here you seem deadset that OP's only option is to put a bullet in their stalker before they 'do' anything. That's very unhinged thinking. You're irresponsible, probably a very irresponsible firearms owner. Shoot first isn't the only option in all circumstances.
The reason I haven't put you on ignore first is I find your comments downright dangerous. I found your original comments disturbing when I read them but ignored them, since its reasonable to assume someone would not fully act out on them. If someone shoots or stabs a person, they better have a good reason for it. However its compounded by your views on the restraining order and attempting to wrestle agency away from OP when OP is being sensible, I can't ignore that.
You are in the wrong here, telling someone that its pointless to extend their restraining order is extremely irresponsible. Did I hit a nerve or something, are you a stalker? It seems like it with that comment. Going over your previous posts in the thread here you seem deadset that OP's only option is to put a bullet in their stalker before they 'do' anything. That's very unhinged thinking. You're irresponsible, probably a very irresponsible firearms owner. Shoot first isn't the only option in all circumstances.
The reason I haven't put you on ignore first is I find your comments downright dangerous. I found your original comments disturbing when I read them but ignored them, since its reasonable to assume someone would not fully act out on them. If someone shoots or stabs a person, they better have a good reason for it. However its compounded by your views on the restraining order and attempting to wrestle agency away from OP when OP is being sensible, I can't ignore that.
You changed your name from threesummers. The last time we spoke was because you said "women have it easy, they can get laid whenever they want" which I think is pretty ignorant. I certainly haven't changed, I still think that. Women don't have it easy, they care about more than just 'getting laid'. If that's 'name-calling'.
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Susannah
Mage
- Jul 2, 2018
- 530
Thank you
I'll follow your advice. Use the opportunity to speak up, and ask for an extended order. I live in Norway, and we don't have weapons like in the US. Weapons in my country is strictly for the police. And of course for hunters with permission.
Lots of LoveS
I am so sorry this awful person is harassing you.
Absolutely, in addition to reporting this and asking for any possible extension and enforcement of the restraining order, I'd put out surveillance systems, get weapons for self-defense, let neighbors and friends know this person is trespassing.
I would keep in mind also that abuse cannot be blamed on any psychiatric diagnosis. It's caused by people DECIDING to do harm to others, based on CORE VALUES AND BELIEFS about entitlement to women's lives and bodies. Many oppressive, controlling mindsets, sadly, aren't considered "deviant" at all - they're rewarded, as when bosses get rich by abusing and exploiting workers or when right-wing churches reward parents who beat their kids.
Here's a domestic violence service's explanation on why mental illness is not the cause of someone CHOOSING to abuse, even if they also happen to have a psych diagnosis. (Please note also that people with psych diagnoses are VICTIMS of abuse and violence far more often than they're perpetrators.)
hydecounty-hotline.org
Lundy Bancroft has written more about this in "Why Does He Do That?"
Absolutely, in addition to reporting this and asking for any possible extension and enforcement of the restraining order, I'd put out surveillance systems, get weapons for self-defense, let neighbors and friends know this person is trespassing.
I would keep in mind also that abuse cannot be blamed on any psychiatric diagnosis. It's caused by people DECIDING to do harm to others, based on CORE VALUES AND BELIEFS about entitlement to women's lives and bodies. Many oppressive, controlling mindsets, sadly, aren't considered "deviant" at all - they're rewarded, as when bosses get rich by abusing and exploiting workers or when right-wing churches reward parents who beat their kids.
Here's a domestic violence service's explanation on why mental illness is not the cause of someone CHOOSING to abuse, even if they also happen to have a psych diagnosis. (Please note also that people with psych diagnoses are VICTIMS of abuse and violence far more often than they're perpetrators.)
Abuse Cannot Be Blamed on Mental Illness
Research shows abusers are no more likely to be mentally ill than others By DomesticShelters.org Abusers love excuses. They only yelled at you because they were drunk. They only hit you because they were hit as children. They’re only abusive because they’re depressed. It’s not their fault. Survivors
hydecounty-hotline.org
Lundy Bancroft has written more about this in "Why Does He Do That?"
Suicidebydeath
No chances to be happy - dead inside
- Nov 25, 2021
- 3,559
The 'lives in US' part confused me because I was certain you lived in Norway too. I hope it works out for you.
Susannah
Mage
- Jul 2, 2018
- 530
Update
I got a message from the police last week. The trial has been cancelled. The psychopath chose to pay the fine for breaching the restraining order 4 days before the main hearing.
I am quite distraught. Now I don't get the opportunity to tell the court about all the damn things he has done, and how it affects me and my family. Once again, my trust in the police and the judiciary is gone. He's still hanging around here, but doesn't do anything but show off.
I know that the restraining order expires on 1 January 2023. Should I apply to have it extended? Should I drop it?
It is conceivable that he will be more pissed off if he gets another ban. Or maybe he waits until the restraining order expires before he starts again at full strength.
Any advice?
Lots of loveS
I got a message from the police last week. The trial has been cancelled. The psychopath chose to pay the fine for breaching the restraining order 4 days before the main hearing.
I am quite distraught. Now I don't get the opportunity to tell the court about all the damn things he has done, and how it affects me and my family. Once again, my trust in the police and the judiciary is gone. He's still hanging around here, but doesn't do anything but show off.
I know that the restraining order expires on 1 January 2023. Should I apply to have it extended? Should I drop it?
It is conceivable that he will be more pissed off if he gets another ban. Or maybe he waits until the restraining order expires before he starts again at full strength.
Any advice?
Lots of loveS
