Vengeance to recover from dating a psycopath

[Susannah]

I feel this urge for vengeance after being treated like trash by my last date. I don't want to hurt him psycically, and I don't want him to know who's behind. I just want him to struggle, I want him admitted, off the streets for a while. He is still stalking me, and although I've reported him, I don't know if it will help, nor if the police will provide å restriction order. It will take time anyway. It might sound childish and stupid of my wanting this, but I feel so used and shameful.

Any tips to a clever vengeance?

Lots of loveS

 

[TooConscious]

It's not revenge if you're using other people's ideas straight away.

 

[summers]

@Susannah revenge in real life isn't clever like the movies - it's a direct way to remove a threat. When someone is physically stronger than you, the only way to eliminate that threat is to reduce their physical capability until it's less than yous. If you're not ready to go along this path, then just hope the cops keep this guy away from you because there aren't peaceful solutions to violent problems.

 

[Pluto]

The only real vengeance would be finding someone loving who treats you as you deserve... or being completely happy alone.

 

[rationalis]

I think one way to vengeance is to have empathy on others who have suffered, and seek vengeance for them. This avoids having an identifiable motive.

 

[blueclover_.]

Being happy and successful is the best kind of revenge. Have fun and laugh at his face when you two cross paths.

 

[Susannah]

@Susannah revenge in real life isn't clever like the movies - it's a direct way to remove a threat. When someone is physically stronger than you, the only way to eliminate that threat is to reduce their physical capability until it's less than yous. If you're not ready to go along this path, then just hope the cops keep this guy away from you because there aren't peaceful solutions to violent problems.

Update: Thank you.
I don't need a "personal" revenge anymore.

The police called me today to confirm the restriction order. And I'm so releaved. The police just gained my trust, and I feel greatful.

Lots of loveS

 

[rationalis]

Being happy and successful is the best kind of revenge. Have fun and laugh at his face when you two cross paths.

In my town, a grandfather got probation after it was proven he molested his granddaughter. The vast majority of crimes are never even prosecuted. The world would be a better place with accountability.

Update: Thank you.
I don't need a "personal" revenge anymore.

The police called me today to confirm the restriction order. And I'm so releaved. The police just gained my trust, and I feel greatful.

Lots of loveS

Good, hope the police keep your trust.

 

[Sherri]

Showing that person that hurt you that you recovered the wrong that person did and show you don't care it's the best "slap in the face" not in reality of course, I know you will still feel like you are now . But show that person you moved on. That's what I did, when someone hurt me the worst way someone can hurt someone like in your case. Hugs. Be strong.

 

[Josh007]

I feel this urge for vengeance after being treated like trash by my last date. I don't want to hurt him psycically, and I don't want him to know who's behind. I just want him to struggle, I want him admitted, off the streets for a while. He is still stalking me, and although I've reported him, I don't know if it will help, nor if the police will provide å restriction order. It will take time anyway. It might sound childish and stupid of my wanting this, but I feel so used and shameful.

Any tips to a clever vengeance?

Lots of loveS

Revenge rarely leads to relief. Telling someone how much they've hurt you can be empowering.
Also seeing someone's motivations to hurt can be enough by itself. People tend to hurt others out of pain, specially adept one's like him. I can tell you with certainty that protecting yourself it's driving him crazy already.
Protect yourself and move on with your life and you will forever be the one the "bad one", that is until he does away with trying to use you to fill his needs.
Take care.

 

[motel rooms]

Telling someone how much they've hurt you can be empowering.
Also seeing someone's motivations to hurt can be enough by itself.

Adorable.

 

[Mr2005]

I thought you meant recovery was the revenge which sounds like a win win.

 

[Susannah]

I thought you meant recovery was the revenge which sounds like a win win.

I'm already in recovery. Have been over him for several months. He slashed all the 4 tyres on my car for the second time on wednesday. He also wroted me several sms telling my to "drive" safe followed by laughter emoji. Explained that he needed revenge, and he knows how much I love and need my car. Total personal cost 1200 $. I've now parked my car at a secret place. The police have spoken to him again, this time several male officers (he does'nt respect female officers), went to his home.

I guess he'll hate me the rest of his life, but stay away for a while.

Wish you a peaceful holiday.
Lots of loveS

 

[WearyHSP]

I dated a sociopath for two years - they're in a category all their own.

Susannah, Glad you got your restraining order. I had to get one once, (a different guy, not the sociopath.) and he never bothered me again. I hope that's the case for you.

 

[Mr2005]

I'm already in recovery. Have been over him for several months. He slashed all the 4 tyres on my car for the second time on wednesday. He also wroted me several sms telling my to "drive" safe followed by laughter emoji. Explained that he needed revenge, and he knows how much I love and need my car. Total personal cost 1200 $. I've now parked my car at a secret place. The police have spoken to him again, this time several male officers (he does'nt respect female officers), went to his home.

I guess he'll hate me the rest of his life, but stay away for a while.

Wish you a peaceful holiday.
Lots of loveS

What does he need revenge for?

 

[Susannah]

What does he need revenge for?

That's what he wrote to me. He had to punish me for taking legal action. Probably because I involved the police. This is a cruel, aggressive man with no sense of reality, moral or limits. He is dangerous, and shouldn't be walking free.

 

[Mr2005]

That's what he wrote to me. He had to punish me for taking legal action. Probably because I involved the police. This is a cruel, aggressive man with no sense of reality, moral or limits. He is dangerous, and shouldn't be walking free.

There's a depressing number of them unfortunately

 

[Undroto]

It's not stupid or childish to take this seriously.
Please let your friends and family know about this situation. You may consider getting cameras installed and a security system, even a camera for your car?
Some systems will alert you remotely in real time when someone is at your door. Any evidence of threatening/illegal behavior will strengthen your claims with the police.
Ignore all communications, offers to meet or reconcile, and gifts from your ex. You may want to block or delete him on your phone and or social media.
Consider personal protection devices, mace, taser, whistle, *more.
You might want to keep a log of any events or communications.
It's good you have a restraining order, now any new contact on his part is a violation and increases the chance of further restrictions (you mentioned a treatment program for him).
Of course it's always safer to be with friends or family when out.
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this but you need to be vigilant for yourself.
You need to make being aware of your surroundings and situation a new hobby. And don't hesitate to make a racket, or ask strangers for help.
Keep researching how to be safe.

 

[Susannah]

It's not stupid or childish to take this seriously.
Please let your friends and family know about this situation. You may consider getting cameras installed and a security system, even a camera for your car?
Some systems will alert you remotely in real time when someone is at your door. Any evidence of threatening/illegal behavior will strengthen your claims with the police.
Ignore all communications, offers to meet or reconcile, and gifts from your ex. You may want to block or delete him on your phone and or social media.
Consider personal protection devices, mace, taser, whistle, *more.
You might want to keep a log of any events or communications.
It's good you have a restraining order, now any new contact on his part is a violation and increases the chance of further restrictions (you mentioned a treatment program for him).
Of course it's always safer to be with friends or family when out.
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this but you need to be vigilant for yourself.
You need to make being aware of your surroundings and situation a new hobby. And don't hesitate to make a racket, or ask strangers for help.
Keep researching how to be safe.

Thank you. My family, friends and collegues know. I've blocked him on all social plattforms. Next time he contacts me, the police will arrest him for 24h. I like your tips on buying a small surveillance camera for my car. I don't know if it's considered a legal evidence in case of a potential lawsuit, but at least it's an action for protection. I'm already in a "red alert" state of mind, and clear- headed of my surroundings.
S

 

[Suicidebydeath]

What does he need revenge for?

Originally probably for something as inconsequential as refusing to see him anymore after a trash date. OP said it was just a date. The things he's doing are extreme. Calling the police on him is just an excuse for him to pretend like it even needed anything to continue his behaviour.

I prefer justice to revenge. Justice is arguably easier to obtain and morally acceptable. Revenge needs to be extremely well-executed and is not something I'd personally advise unless you're already good at getting away with it and covering your tracks, but feelings of wanting revenge are within the subset of normal. The best non-standard revenge is of course, to to be well-adjusted and recover while the other person stagnates all on their own.

You're very brave OP and it sounds to me like you're already doing everything right. Follow the advice of Undroto since its a pro-active way to protect yourself without antagonizing him. Something like pretending/acquiring a new strong partner would be a very effective standard revenge but also potentially overt and antagonistic to him, for example.

In a nutshell though, add lots of passive protection and ignore him. He will stagnate all on his own without your attention.

 

[Julgran]

I guess he'll hate me the rest of his life, but stay away for a while.

This "for a while" should last both your lifetimes

Next time he contacts me, the police will arrest him for 24h.

It's a really sad situation. Are you aware of any previous relationships that this guy may have had before? He could have been equally as dangerous to others, as well. If so, it might be a good idea to record their statement, so that you have some grounds to build a possible lawsuit on against this guy.

Those 24 hours may not affect him much - other than to make him more obsessed about ruining your life. You could get some stickers from a motorcycle gang and paste them all over your home and car - I'm sure he would think differently about trying to approach you

 

[Susannah]

This "for a while" should last both your lifetimes



It's a really sad situation. Are you aware of any previous relationships that this guy may have had before? He could have been equally as dangerous to others, as well. If so, it might be a good idea to record their statement, so that you have some grounds to build a possible lawsuit on against this guy.

Those 24 hours may not affect him much - other than to make him more obsessed about ruining your life. You could get some stickers from a motorcycle gang and paste them all over your home and car - I'm sure he would think differently about trying to approach you

I am aware of his history with woman. He's been in a very long- lasting relationship. They've got kids. I've spoken to her several times earlier. She's a mess, of course. She's been "investigating" for years, but she has never involved the "law". She hopes he'll get traitment by the health care, by force. He has stolen and harassed many woman, girls too (young girls), but no one dares/ have the energy to press charges against him. It's the regular shit. He fucks up their lives when he is done with them.

The police know him, and they are aware of his actions, but they always depend on victims who are willing to file a report on him. To build a case.

 

[Julgran]

I am aware of his history with woman. He's been in a very long- lasting relationship. They've got kids. I've spoken to her several times earlier. She's a mess, of course. She's been "investigating" for years, but she has never involved the "law". She hopes he'll get traitment by the health care, by force. He has stolen and harassed many woman, girls too (young girls), but no one dares/ have the energy to press charges against him. It's the regular shit. He fucks up their lives when he is done with them.

I understand... it sounds like he will stop at nothing to ruin other people's lives.

Do you think that he acts out this way because of anger solely, or could there be some mental diagnosis behind it all, perhaps? From what you have described, he is unquestionable behaving irrationally, but the terms "mentally ill" and "crazy" are very concrete terms that may not be applicable to his situation.

The police know him, and they are aware of his actions, but they always depend on victims who are willing to file a report on him. To build a case.

Of course - there's always a risk of repercussions.

Could you move elsewhere, where he can't find you, and possibly even get a hidden identity? It's unfortunate if that should be required of you, since you are not the one who's at fault here, but if it would solve your problems, maybe it's worth the headache.

 

[Susannah]

I understand... it sounds like he will stop at nothing to ruin other people's lives.

Do you think that he acts out this way because of anger solely, or could there be some mental diagnosis behind it all, perhaps? From what you have described, he is unquestionable behaving irrationally, but the terms "mentally ill" and "crazy" are very concrete terms that may not be applicable to his situation.

I strongly believe that he's got several diagnosis. He shows all the signs of the very definition of a psycopath. Psychopathy is a collective term that involves a number of other diagnoses. Lying, manipulation and abuse of other people. Inability to empathize and self-insight. He's also an alcoholic and drug abuser (all drugs). He's a player, and a good one. He's very good- looking, charming and convincing. He now hangs out with criminals to feel better about himself.

Of course - there's always a risk of repercussions.

Could you move elsewhere, where he can't find you, and possibly even get a hidden identity?

In worst case, yes. But I believe this would be more relevant for the mother of his children, if she ever truly wants him out of her (and the kids') life. She's obviously mentally unstable as well, having lived with him for 20y.

It's unfortunate if that should be required of you, since you are not the one who's at fault here, but if it would solve your problems, maybe it's worth the headache.

My "plan" is to stay away from all of them, no matter what. I still get sms from his ex and I've also received some calls from his mother (I never answer). I'll try to get on with my life, paying extra attention to my surroundings.
S

 

[Julgran]

I strongly believe that he's got several diagnosis. He shows all the signs of the very definition of a psycopath. Psychopathy is a collective term that involves a number of other diagnoses. Lying, manipulation and abuse of other people. Inability to empathize and self-insight. He's also an alcoholic and drug abuser (all drugs). He's a player, and a good one. He's very good- looking, charming and convincing. He now hangs out with criminals to feel better about himself.

In worst case, yes. But I believe this would be more relevant for the mother of his children, if she ever truly wants him out of her (and the kids') life. She's obviously mentally unstable as well, having lived with him for 20y.

My "plan" is to stay away from all of them, no matter what. I still get sms from his ex and I've also received some calls from his mother (I never answer). I'll try to get on with my life, paying extra attention to my surroundings.
S

Now the picture is clear, and I hope that you eventually will find some peace of mind

 

[Ihadagoodlife]

You can't really hurt a psychopath tbh i think

 

[Chaestergram]

I'm all about giving back karma to someone and seeing all those wannabe positive comments made me wants to indeed reply so, it's pretty simple :

The cops won't do shit for stalking cases, happened to me 3 times, nothing was done.

- Ban the person from their favorite place/workplace by reporting them through different people
- Expose them online, like with all their link, descriptions and else
- If you good at coding, then you get what I mean
- If they have a partner or dating, show all proof to them

Then it should be enough for you to move on at some point without going too psycho/crazy, otherwise there's tons of other good ways but I already sounds out of the ordinary so yep

Ps : If you're into witchcraft, there's tons of spell/hex/curse you can do for that matter and it's just muah

 

[Susannah]

I'm all about giving back karma to someone and seeing all those wannabe positive comments made me wants to indeed reply so, it's pretty simple :

The cops won't do shit for stalking cases, happened to me 3 times, nothing was done.

- Ban the person from their favorite place/workplace by reporting them through different people
- Expose them online, like with all their link, descriptions and else
- If you good at coding, then you get what I mean
- If they have a partner or dating, show all proof to them

Then it should be enough for you to move on at some point without going too psycho/crazy, otherwise there's tons of other good ways but I already sounds out of the ordinary so yep

Ps : If you're into witchcraft, there's tons of spell/hex/curse you can do for that matter and it's just muah

Thank you. I see what you mean. It involves a bit of time and energy from my side, but if I think it will make things better for me and also other people, it could be worth doing. I know some coding/ contacts. It's actually nice to get some thumbs up from someone with actual tips. In general I believe in karma and peace and love. But sometimes in life you'll have to "fight back".

 

[Julgran]

I'm all about giving back karma to someone and seeing all those wannabe positive comments made me wants to indeed reply so, it's pretty simple :

The cops won't do shit for stalking cases, happened to me 3 times, nothing was done.

- Ban the person from their favorite place/workplace by reporting them through different people
- Expose them online, like with all their link, descriptions and else
- If you good at coding, then you get what I mean
- If they have a partner or dating, show all proof to them

Then it should be enough for you to move on at some point without going too psycho/crazy, otherwise there's tons of other good ways but I already sounds out of the ordinary so yep

Ps : If you're into witchcraft, there's tons of spell/hex/curse you can do for that matter and it's just muah

Thank you. I see what you mean. It involves a bit of time and energy from my side, but if I think it will make things better for me and also other people, it could be worth doing. I know some coding/ contacts. It's actually nice to get some thumbs up from someone with actual tips. In general I believe in karma and peace and love. But sometimes in life you'll have to "fight back".

For whatever it's worth - I don't agree with any of these tips, given that the person who you are dealing with is a maniac. I can picture you being hurt very bad, physcially, by following through with this.

Be extra careful!

 

[Chaestergram]

Thank you. I see what you mean. It involves a bit of time and energy from my side, but if I think it will make things better for me and also other people, it could be worth doing. I know some coding/ contacts. It's actually nice to get some thumbs up from someone with actual tips. In general I believe in karma and peace and love. But sometimes in life you'll have to "fight back".

Exactly, it will require some dedication from your side but not only it will give you a bit of peace but it can also prevent the next person to fall for that person, so in some way you are also doing something good.

Did exactly what I said and it calmed my anger a bit then of course needed to heal but at least the rage/anger had been taking care of !