Story Vehicular suicide temptation

[mlcs]

I was driving yesterday like a maniac. 160-200 km/h for 2 hours. I was in temptation to end it all quickly by crushing into a pole. I was very close to do it, at this point I don't even care if I become a vegetable because I already feel like one. I have legs, but I don't have any desire to walk. I have arms but only thing I grab with them is phone and food. I have brain but I can't think of anything but suicide, everything else starts to hurt instantly. I can't listen to the music, can't see the sun and can barely talk. I was thinking of jumping from height, but now I think crush with a car at 190km/h speed would end me instatnly. And I feel like its easier to just press the gas pedal than jump from the bridge. I was also thinking of removing cathalityc converter and try with CO posioning, but than I could lose a chance to drive where I want cause it's illegal to drive without that, and I don't know if CO method would be successful.

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course it's really understandable so desperately wishing to leave, but I think that if one became a vegetable after failing a suicide attempt then it would make it very difficult to attempt another method, the thought of failing suicide terrifies me and I see it as being so horrible how it's not more straightforward to finally leave this world. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.

 

[mlcs]

I agree, but all I'm doing is suffering and growing pain tolerance. It could go indefinitely and I don't want to grow older and miserable. I want to die young and I'm afraid if I wait a bit more I could postpone it for years.