Urge to SH is getting more intense.

[heLLishLandscape]

Everyday of my life, I have the most intense craving to dig into my flesh with whatever I can get my hands on. I fantasize about metal hooks sinking in my back and just the feeling of pain I would have. I want physical pain, but I can't bring myself to make myself bleed anymore. I have raised scars on my arm from previous years. I've been substituting it with burning myself since that leaves less scarring, but I crave the rush of blood. Part of that scares me, but part of me finds comfort in it. Maybe I'm going crazy.

 

[cheese.out]

Sorry you have to experience that - it sounds very exhausting. I hope you find your peace in life ❤

And youre not crazy - our brains just try to create any coping mechs it can hold on to so you are still able to process your reality. For me its drugs, for you its feeling pain.