Update

[NekoNomNom]

Hello, everyone. It's been a while, hasn't it? I wasn't sure whether to post this here, or in the Recovery section; but I chose to post this here since I feel like I'm regressing tonight.

I recently posted a mini update on my story thread that I've been doing well in my recovery. I don't know if this regression is only temporary, or what.

In my story thread, I mentioned some things about an ex, and how that finally brought me to want to ctb. Well, I thought I was moving on in a healthy way, hence the recovery. That's kind of gone to shit this last week. I work at a major department store in my area, only about ten minutes from my house. On my way home I noticed my ex's vehicle in a plaza that's on the same block of my work... then another day I saw it again... and again. As I've figured out, he has a job at one of the stores in the plaza, and by his last job, I know which store it is. He lives about 20-25 minutes away on the complete opposite side of town, and his previous job was much closer to his house.

It's been almost two years since that night, and after this, it feels like those old wounds have just burst wide open. I know I've come so far, but it's starting to feel like it's been all for nothing. I also know that I feel like I should have moved on by now; that I'm the only one hurting myself by letting this affect me, but after everything I went through; after everything he said to me, it just feels like a giant slap in the face. I feel as though I'm filled with so much hatred, and I don't want to be like that.

Thank you for reading my silly thread. I just didn't know where else to go.

 

[Manaaja]

I'm sorry that things aren't going better for you.

It can be difficult to move one. I went no contact with my ex-friend a long time ago but sometimes I still get the urge to message them. Try to occupy your mind with others things, do something that takes your mind away from him.

Is your signature from the Silent hill song? I love that song! I've listened to it fifty times and never get tired from it.

 

[NekoNomNom]

You know, things really are going better. That's the thing. It's just this ONE thing; only one thing, yet it's so significant. I guess I just don't understand why he had to get a job literally right next to where I work, you know? What did he think was going to happen? And he knows how vulnerable I am to suicidal tendencies. It's like he's tempting me to do it, since I didn't right after we broke up. What a joke.

Anyway.

Yes! I get so excited when people recognize it I've got a whole playlist of Silent Hill songs that I love to just belt out, especially when I'm feeling like this.

 

[Snake of Eden]

You know, things really are going better. That's the thing. It's just this ONE thing; only one thing, yet it's so significant. I guess I just don't understand why he had to get a job literally right next to where I work, you know? What did he think was going to happen? And he knows how vulnerable I am to suicidal tendencies. It's like he's tempting me to do it, since I didn't right after we broke up. What a joke.

Anyway.

Yes! I get so excited when people recognize it I've got a whole playlist of Silent Hill songs that I love to just belt out, especially when I'm feeling like this.

I too havent been able to move on from somethting similar that happened two years ago and it is fuelling my desire to ctb.

Doctor give me what I need to cure my heart from this misery!!

 

[Huntfish34]

I dont think your post was silly at all, you were just sharing your thoughts and feelings with us in an update. I hope you can block him out of your mind and move on to somebody better that is Worth your time. I know that is easier said than done because I still have some hatred and resentments from past relationships myself. Its a really vicious cycle to say the very Least.

Take care of yourself,

Butch

 

[NekoNomNom]

I too havent been able to move on from somethting similar that happened two years ago and it is fuelling my desire to ctb.

Doctor give me what I need to cure my heart from this misery!!

I hope that you'll be able to find the strength to be able to move on from it, wherever that takes you. Sending hugs!

I dont think your post was silly at all, you were just sharing your thoughts and feelings with us in an update. I hope you can block him out of your mind and move on to somebody better that is Worth your time. I know that is easier said than done because I still have some hatred and resentments from past relationships myself. Its a really vicious cycle to say the very Least.

Take care of yourself,

Butch

Thank you so much for your kind words. I suppose I just feel silly about it all. Keeping him out of sight, out of mind was doing wonders for me, then this happens. I'm going to try my hardest to not back track on all of the progress I've feel I've made, but we'll see what happens. I mean, my first thought was to come back here, haha.

You also take care of yourself. I hope you find peace and light, wherever that takes you!

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Going through something similar right now. However, her and I split back in April. We had a huge blowout about it and didn't talk for a month. When we did again, things were awkward but ok at first but then it blew up again and we both said some pretty horrible things to one another. None of this would have the impact that it does if her and I weren't so damn close when we were together. Perfect Partner scenario. How in the hell did it come to this then? Well, it was a little bit both of us and a whole lot of outside parties manipulating and putting pressure on her. It's a long and sad story. Probably told it in pieces across the forum to some degree.

All that said, I am so damn sorry you have to deal with this. Don't really know you but have seen you around for a while and you seem like a kind person. I hope it gets better in some way for your sake and if you just need to talk, I will listen.

 

[NekoNomNom]

Going through something similar right now. However, her and I split back in April. We had a huge blowout about it and didn't talk for a month. When we did again, things were awkward but ok at first but then it blew up again and we both said some pretty horrible things to one another. None of this would have the impact that it does if her and I weren't so damn close when we were together. Perfect Partner scenario. How in the hell did it come to this then? Well, it was a little bit both of us and a whole lot of outside parties manipulating and putting pressure on her. It's a long and sad story. Probably told it in pieces across the forum to some degree.

All that said, I am so damn sorry you have to deal with this. Don't really know you but have seen you around for a while and you seem like a kind person. I hope it gets better in some way for your sake and if you just need to talk, I will listen.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through that. Relationships are so damn difficult sometimes. Especially when there are people outside of the relationship who meddle in someone else's business, and for what?

I am sorry too, honestly. I look back on myself from a year ago, and I just want to hug her. Sometimes I feel like I'm blowing all of this out of proportion. But I know I've got a right to feel the way that I do. Thank you for your kind words. I try to be a good person, especially after being such a shitty person for such a long time. I still struggle with it, but every day brings new opportunities to do and be better.

Should you ever need to talk, please feel free to drop a line! I'm not on here too much anymore, but I still pop in every once in a while.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine it must be painful to have to see him again, I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm glad things are getting better for you in general, I hope they stay that way and I wish you the best with your recovery.

 

[NekoNomNom]

I can imagine it must be painful to have to see him again, I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm glad things are getting better for you in general, I hope they stay that way and I wish you the best with your recovery.

Thank you so much. After actually seeing him walk from his truck back into the building, I've decided to start taking a different way home, that way I won't have to see him/his truck. As much as I want to see him again (in better circumstances, of course), it's best that I just avoid it all together. Although, not gonna lie, it's kind of bullshit that I have to avoid it, but what can you do, you know?

 

[UnemployedMD]

Seriously, get another job if it means preventing you from slipping back into considering ctb. These ex situations can bring that on even a small reminder such as what you described. It's not worth risking the progress you've made to continue putting yourself in a place where you may end up where you were before. You may see him again and what is going to happen if for example you see him with another woman? Really hope you stay safe.