BodyOfDaffodil
Member
- Jun 14, 2023
- 31
So, it's me again, Daffodil for those of who care to know. I've disclosed some hard living circumstances I've had in the last year or so. Dealing with constant homelessness and always having to keep everyone I own limited to a bag or two. It's been a very difficult life I've lead, one full of horrible trauma and obstacles that no child my age should have dealt with.
Regardless of past grips, I've been able to construct a little life for myself almost entirely on my own. Aside from help from trusted authority and prevention workers keeping me on my toes. For years, I thought it would have been impossible for someone like me to find stability and have some sort of independence after spending years stuck in continuous cycles of narcissistic behaviour. I got my shit together in the last month or so, and started to try and find better in life. I moved out into a city where I don't know many people, enrolled in a school that genuinely cares about it's students and have gone back to the therapies I need to be stable. As well as take medication on the regular again.
I still live in a household where an abuser is present, but the abuse isn't directed toward me. Not that it makes it any better to be honest, but it's better than nothing. I do my fair share of protecting said victim and their children best of my abilities. I have a blade hidden under my pillow, one in my jacket, one always on my waistband and another wedged in between floorboards. Overkill? maybe, do I care? No.
The victim said it's temporary and I am inclined to believe so, and I know thing will improve. Regardless of living situation, my mental health has been stabilising somewhat thanks to outside sources. It's been a long time since I've been able to lay in my own bed, surrounded by stuffed animals I've found with blankets I bought in a safe environment that moves at my pace. My pad is a confined space, with a large bedroom and a bathroom complete with a stand up shower and storage space. I don't have any closet area except for a creepy cubby hole, haha. My bed is a thin mattress topper I've folded in half to compensate for lack of cushioning, and all my belongings fit on one shelf I have at my disposal.
Depression has hit due to loneliness, lack of access to coping skills and just a general desire to keep myself afloat in these difficult times.
I am happy to report that I spent Christmas with my family, and was welcomed with loving arms. Even if this pattern is set to change in a few weeks or months given the track record I have with them, then let it be so. I got to spend one holiday with them in peace, and without drama so I'll take what I can get. While to some it may seem that I have obtained the bare minimum in terms of housing, clothing, furniture or even family love; I look at it as that I am very fortunate and lucky to have been able to accomplish and achieve so much in so little time that I've been trying to turn my life around. I am eighteen years old, quite young, yet I was convinced my life had ended when I turned eight years old. It's astounding to look back on how far I've come in terms of home life and family situation.
Anyway's, I'm on a tangent cuz I smoked some devil's lettuce to relax my smooth brain.
Daffodil is happy to report that life has been going well, with some minor bumps in the road, of course. Although Daffodil is certain that things will turn out for better and I'll finally be comfortable in life.
Thank you for everyone who encouraged me, or just talked to me in the comments in the last year or so. I'm glad this community has people who are so understanding and caring for one another regardless of circumstances. I hope everyone has had a great Christmas, and will have an amazing new years.
Regardless of past grips, I've been able to construct a little life for myself almost entirely on my own. Aside from help from trusted authority and prevention workers keeping me on my toes. For years, I thought it would have been impossible for someone like me to find stability and have some sort of independence after spending years stuck in continuous cycles of narcissistic behaviour. I got my shit together in the last month or so, and started to try and find better in life. I moved out into a city where I don't know many people, enrolled in a school that genuinely cares about it's students and have gone back to the therapies I need to be stable. As well as take medication on the regular again.
I still live in a household where an abuser is present, but the abuse isn't directed toward me. Not that it makes it any better to be honest, but it's better than nothing. I do my fair share of protecting said victim and their children best of my abilities. I have a blade hidden under my pillow, one in my jacket, one always on my waistband and another wedged in between floorboards. Overkill? maybe, do I care? No.
The victim said it's temporary and I am inclined to believe so, and I know thing will improve. Regardless of living situation, my mental health has been stabilising somewhat thanks to outside sources. It's been a long time since I've been able to lay in my own bed, surrounded by stuffed animals I've found with blankets I bought in a safe environment that moves at my pace. My pad is a confined space, with a large bedroom and a bathroom complete with a stand up shower and storage space. I don't have any closet area except for a creepy cubby hole, haha. My bed is a thin mattress topper I've folded in half to compensate for lack of cushioning, and all my belongings fit on one shelf I have at my disposal.
Depression has hit due to loneliness, lack of access to coping skills and just a general desire to keep myself afloat in these difficult times.
I am happy to report that I spent Christmas with my family, and was welcomed with loving arms. Even if this pattern is set to change in a few weeks or months given the track record I have with them, then let it be so. I got to spend one holiday with them in peace, and without drama so I'll take what I can get. While to some it may seem that I have obtained the bare minimum in terms of housing, clothing, furniture or even family love; I look at it as that I am very fortunate and lucky to have been able to accomplish and achieve so much in so little time that I've been trying to turn my life around. I am eighteen years old, quite young, yet I was convinced my life had ended when I turned eight years old. It's astounding to look back on how far I've come in terms of home life and family situation.
Anyway's, I'm on a tangent cuz I smoked some devil's lettuce to relax my smooth brain.
Daffodil is happy to report that life has been going well, with some minor bumps in the road, of course. Although Daffodil is certain that things will turn out for better and I'll finally be comfortable in life.
Thank you for everyone who encouraged me, or just talked to me in the comments in the last year or so. I'm glad this community has people who are so understanding and caring for one another regardless of circumstances. I hope everyone has had a great Christmas, and will have an amazing new years.
