Venting Update: My best friend who blocked me

[LonelyStarrySky]

Essentially it was advice from her sister, that she was told to block me. But she said she missed me and decided to give me another chance.

She has come back ever since, and we did talk together for about two weeks, but I have been emotionally protective and distant from her. I explained to her my mental difficulties and how much I struggle with emotional instability. She has been quite "accepting" at first of my struggles and I warned her I might seriosly struggle with BPD. We were trying to get things to return to normal before she blocked me, and I was still feeling quite hurt by everything that had happened before. It was a struggle to talk to her and I felt on edge while talking to her. I was friendly, but felt like it wasn't gonna last long. However I have throught all the time while she has "returned" to me been browsing this forum and continued preparing to eventually CTB because I really have given up on life long before I even met her. In the unexpected turn of events the day I bought the rope on she messaged me how she thinks its best we end it all and stop being together. It was quite heartbreaking honestly, but I knew that eventually she would leave me again. I decided to give up from trying to form anything with her anymore because it never works out between us. Honestly it will just motivate me to end all of my suffering even quicker at this point. I showed her the post I made on this forum and told her that I am sick and tired of not being enough for everyone and always being a burden on everyone. Because everyone will leave me no matter what I do and I regret being born. She just replied to everything saying:

"Seriously, this is out of actual concern. Seek therapy. This is not healthy"

I fucking hate how she just thinks that would fix everything.
Its quite easy for her to say all of that, because its obvious she doesn't know how much I have suffered in life with all of the relationships that have gotten broken because of my emotional instability which I can't do anything about. This relationship with her made it feel like my suffering was made a bit easier and bearable, but now I just feel lonely because I have no emotional support which I need. I am tired of being broken and abused by everyone around me. There she can just finally leave me, its not like I have anything more to lose at this point, I already have a rope. I can CTB any time I want now. I don't think there is much anchoring me in this cursed world.

 

[todeswunsch]

I'm sorry for all that you had to go through.
Its not something you have control over. I cant imagine how hard it has being to you.
Sadly not everyone knows how to deal with people. But there are people who knows, and you may come across someone who understands you and wont leave you.
Good luck on whatever course of action you take.
May you be free from your suffering as you do not deserve it!
I wish you the best.

 

[skaro]

I truly relate to emotional instability getting in the way, my conclusion seems to be that you need to let yourself be vulnerable in these situations and let others know you're not bothering anyone on purpose and that you can't control it, they may think it's an excuse or not understand but I believe if they have a good heart they'll listen... I can't speak from experience too much here since my emotional instability is way worse than what yours seems to be like, but trust me you're very far from a lost cause. Remember it's not your fault, just be honest about yourself and if you're going through stuff let others know right away to make it easier for them to understand.
And I'm sorry about the "get therapy" response you received, I get that alot too, in my opinion people say that because they don't know what to tell you and it's sort of just the default response, I don't think it's from bad intent. Therapy genuinely does help alot of people though, and sometimes combined with meds (there's other forms of therapy too, not just talk therapy)