Unrealistic?

[Lost Dreamer]

I've always had this irrational idea that if I could find a person with similar issues to mine (mostly mental health state) that I could form a meaningful connection with them, one where both us could help each other improve, overcome our shortcomings and push each other forward. I feel like people can understand people in pain and despair much better if they themselves have felt this way. I've always had trouble accepting any sort of help, mostly because I have a deeply rooted belief that I do not deserve it and that it isn't my right to inconvinience people but if I could help someone recover then I think I could accept their help in turn without feeling terrible about myself. I don't want to ruin someones day with talk of how I actually have suicidal thoughts on a daily basis and that I feel like life is a cruel joke but if that someone were to feel the same way I'd find opening up much easier. If they are already sad, I can either make them happy or idk, maybe we could be sad together?

 

[Reticent Being]

Hi, i relate to your post. I had the same thoughts for the past ten+ years. i think that is a perfect idea of what all relationships should be: supporting and helping each other improve. It's hard accepting help for me too.

Some individuals will claim that this idea sets me up for bad relationships. That it makes me too nice to those that only want to take advantage of me. The people i connected with... Some of them had anger issues and copied what their abusive parents taught them about relationships. Some of them were scared of criticism because they felt like it made them look "bad." Some of them were self-centered and felt like they knew everything. Some of them were social climbers. Some seemed open minded, then were closed.

Looking back, i found myself attracted to quiet loners. Then, the people whom i think are loners like me are actually just someone waiting for their real friends to show up... i liked people from broken homes who liked depressing music because i could relate to them. I didnt judge them if they were incarcerated before or not. I made some good connections, but it didnt work out overall. Im glad i met them instead of wondering "what if," but i can say confidently that they didnt want me. It could have been my looks, my finances, my job, my social status, their mindset at the time, things outside of my control... im positive now that it's hard interacting with other humans and keeping them entertained. All my dreams of being in a supportive, healthy-ish relationship no longer exists.

i still think that your idea is something beautiful. To be there for someone and letting them be there for you in return.. Someone who didnt care about faking being happy and didnt say "you complain about everything." someone to build with and make improvements with no idea that mistakes are bad . To conclude, I'm not sure if it is unrealistic . I only know that for my life, yes it is. That could be because i'm undesirable .