comeoutandhauntme
all that i can, i will do <3
- Feb 10, 2026
- 87
i know many people like to distance themselves from loved ones before ctb in order to try and minimize the pain, but i personally prefer to try and spend as much time w my friends as possible to give them some good memories of me, and also because my friends are genuinely just my favorite people ever.
well. past couple days i've unintentionally just done stupid stuff. i think i might have totally overestimated the value i have in one of their lives, i think she may just see me as a regular old friend even tho she's like one of my best friends ever. and now, knowing that she feels that, i just selfishly feel different and like i can't be the same around her, this person who i thought felt the same abt me as i did them. acting differently will probably be noticeable, bc i suck at hiding my emotions, and then put a rut in the friendship.
as for the other friend. i made a dumbass joke today that came off totally wrong, bc i have an awful habit of making stupid jokes without thinking that just end up sounding totally wrong and mean and not at all what i meant. it wasn't even directed towards her but it was just a kinda nasty joke. and even tho i immediately regretted it and apologized and explained what i meant i don't think she was rlly happy with me. like i think she kinda brushed it off and acted like it was fine but i can tell it's not. and also in response to the joke she made an (equally cruel, but still ouch) remark that i think might of been a reference to the fact i used to have a crush on her MONTHS back that was very not reciprocated that she was aware of. not to go into all of THAT but still, it stung.
well that turned into more of a rant than i originally planned but anyways. all this to say that even tho it stings to know i'm losing my favorite people in what are hopefully my final weeks, maybe it'll all work out so that they grieve me less in the end, if they grieve me at all. i'm not gonna purposely continue to try and push them away or anything, but leave it to me to completely fuck up the only good things i have in my life, so if it happens, it happens
if only my sn could just fucking GET HERE ALREADY that would be super amazing and rlly speed things along but god forbid anything ever fucking works out for me
well. past couple days i've unintentionally just done stupid stuff. i think i might have totally overestimated the value i have in one of their lives, i think she may just see me as a regular old friend even tho she's like one of my best friends ever. and now, knowing that she feels that, i just selfishly feel different and like i can't be the same around her, this person who i thought felt the same abt me as i did them. acting differently will probably be noticeable, bc i suck at hiding my emotions, and then put a rut in the friendship.
as for the other friend. i made a dumbass joke today that came off totally wrong, bc i have an awful habit of making stupid jokes without thinking that just end up sounding totally wrong and mean and not at all what i meant. it wasn't even directed towards her but it was just a kinda nasty joke. and even tho i immediately regretted it and apologized and explained what i meant i don't think she was rlly happy with me. like i think she kinda brushed it off and acted like it was fine but i can tell it's not. and also in response to the joke she made an (equally cruel, but still ouch) remark that i think might of been a reference to the fact i used to have a crush on her MONTHS back that was very not reciprocated that she was aware of. not to go into all of THAT but still, it stung.
well that turned into more of a rant than i originally planned but anyways. all this to say that even tho it stings to know i'm losing my favorite people in what are hopefully my final weeks, maybe it'll all work out so that they grieve me less in the end, if they grieve me at all. i'm not gonna purposely continue to try and push them away or anything, but leave it to me to completely fuck up the only good things i have in my life, so if it happens, it happens
if only my sn could just fucking GET HERE ALREADY that would be super amazing and rlly speed things along but god forbid anything ever fucking works out for me
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