Discussion Unfinished business: do you have things you want to do but can't before you ctb?

[wordsonscreen]

For me, I wish I could confront the people who have harmed me before I go. I wish I could say goodbye to friends I have lost touch with. I worry about leaving with this sense of.. incompletion. But my life IS incomplete. None of us PLANNED to ctb- we had other plans/dreams/hopes but shitty things happened that forced us to change our plans. We can be sure of our decision but I don't think we spent decades nurturing ourselves to ctb at the end. Some uncontrollable circumstance led us here.

Do you have this feeling of things not being full circle? I am pro choice- it is okay to decide to leave but how do you cope with all the things you didn't/won't get to do? Is it okay to just leave some things incomplete?

 

[Ber0]

For people that have hurt me or people I've hurt. I'm literally not able to find them to apologize or anything. There are people I'll never be able to say sorry to. And I've just realized that I'd have to forgive myself and those that hurt me. It took me quite some time but I just sat down and truly forgave myselffor my mistakes in life and harm against others. I've changed and I'm not that person anymore. The only thing I can do is keep it in memory as a lesson learned and that I'll never do what I did again to people. As for those that hurt me. I took time to forgive them in myself. And I wish that wherever they are now, that they're doing well. Sometimes there are things in life that will be left incompleted and it's ok. Many people have already moved on with their lives depending on the incident and how long ago it was. Sometimes you might realize that it's not always possible to confront people of the past or to fix past mistakes and we just need to keep it as a memory and lesson and forgive them, yourself, and move on. Ofc if I could, I would want to fix my mistakes and confront some people. But in my case I'm literally not able to unfortunately. As for the friends I drifted from. It's been many years. But I had their actual email or game inbox that I met them through. I sent them each a message and thanked them for being my friend back then and apologized for arguments or drama I caused, for drifting and just disappearing and I wished them well wherever they may be in life. I've made my peace in life so far. My own decisions and memories haunt me now but that's just me. As well as I'm recovering from being in a toxic situation with an online community. And dealing with a toxic "friendship". Managed to get out of that situation on even ground with everyone involved somehow. Then was able to leave and cut contact with everyone and wish them well. I also forgave everyone involed within myself. But I still have slight PTSD from the events that transpired. But after all of that. I have some amazing friends and people in my life and because of the butterfly effect + probability and chances, had I not been part of the group in the first place or have endured all that I have until now, there's a chance I wouldn't have made such amazing memories and met such amazing people. So I'm mostly content with life. And I do keep a list of things I want to do before I make a decision but its all mostly personal endeavors. No people issues anymore. Everyone that I could go and apologize to, I've taken the time to do so. Perhaps if it might bring you some peace of mind, you should consider messaging those old friends even if it's just a thankyou message. I wish you well though whatever happens.

 

[wordsonscreen]

For people that have hurt me or people I've hurt. I'm literally not able to find them to apologize or anything. There are people I'll never be able to say sorry to. And I've just realized that I'd have to forgive myself and those that hurt me. It took me quite some time but I just sat down and truly forgave myselffor my mistakes in life and harm against others. I've changed and I'm not that person anymore. The only thing I can do is keep it in memory as a lesson learned and that I'll never do what I did again to people. As for those that hurt me. I took time to forgive them in myself. And I wish that wherever they are now, that they're doing well. Sometimes there are things in life that will be left incompleted and it's ok. Many people have already moved on with their lives depending on the incident and how long ago it was. Sometimes you might realize that it's not always possible to confront people of the past or to fix past mistakes and we just need to keep it as a memory and lesson and forgive them, yourself, and move on. Ofc if I could, I would want to fix my mistakes and confront some people. But in my case I'm literally not able to unfortunately. As for the friends I drifted from. It's been many years. But I had their actual email or game inbox that I met them through. I sent them each a message and thanked them for being my friend back then and apologized for arguments or drama I caused, for drifting and just disappearing and I wished them well wherever they may be in life. I've made my peace in life so far. My own decisions and memories haunt me now but that's just me. As well as I'm recovering from being in a toxic situation with an online community. And dealing with a toxic "friendship". Managed to get out of that situation on even ground with everyone involved somehow. Then was able to leave and cut contact with everyone and wish them well. I also forgave everyone involed within myself. But I still have slight PTSD from the events that transpired. But after all of that. I have some amazing friends and people in my life and because of the butterfly effect + probability and chances, had I not been part of the group in the first place or have endured all that I have until now, there's a chance I wouldn't have made such amazing memories and met such amazing people. So I'm mostly content with life. And I do keep a list of things I want to do before I make a decision but its all mostly personal endeavors. No people issues anymore. Everyone that I could go and apologize to, I've taken the time to do so. Perhaps if it might being you some peace of mind, you should consider messaging those old friends even if it's just a thankyou message. I wish you well though whatever happens.

Its similar for me. I have taken the time to go through the process you mentioned. What still bothers me is not being able to say anything to the people I literally cannot contact- in that case, I think you're right in that I might need to forgive them/forgive myself in my own heart. I'm just not sure I really can. So you think leaving some things incomplete is okay?? It does not feel okay... I'm feeling quite disturbed, which is part of why I am leaving. I guess I have no choice but to let it be?

Also, I am so happy for you that you have been able to make so much progress and are at a good place right now <3

 

[Ber0]

Its similar for me. I have taken the time to go through the process you mentioned. What still bothers me is not being able to say anything to the people I literally cannot contact- in that case, I think you're right in that I might need to forgive them/forgive myself in my own heart. I'm just not sure I really can. So you think leaving some things incomplete is okay?? It does not feel okay... I'm feeling quite disturbed, which is part of why I am leaving. I guess I have no choice but to let it be?

Also, I am so happy for you that you have been able to make so much progress and are at a good place right now <3

Well my dad was the one that told me about what I did. A few years ago, a past decision I had made was haunting me and I spent so much time of everyday thinking about how I might've hurt the person. I couldn't focus on having fun or working and it was a constant guilt. And I didn't have any info or way to contact them and I knew that I'd never be able to. And when I told my dad he said that the reason I couldn't move on was because I wasn't forgiving myself. He said that although it's true that I might not be able to ever apologize to them, to keep it as a reminder and lesson to not make the same mistake in the future. And after I sat down for a few hours/few days and really just thought for awhile to myself, I was able to forgive myself over time and focus on moving past the incident. It became less of a part of my life each day and now just is a reminder of a mistake I won't make to someone again. For those people that have wronged you and if there's no way to contact them or even people you've made mistakes with, I've found we simply have to move on, we either dwell on it forever and let it consume us, or we find a way to be forgiving and move forward. It is baggage that will only grow more over time and you don't need it. But that doesn't mean you can't keep mistakes as memories and reminders, they take up less space and weight anyways :) that's just what I believe/my opinion. I'm content only because I know that I have done 100% everything I possibly could to right my wrongs in life, forgive those I can't find, and forgive myself for hurting others I also won't be able to talk to. And reaching back to past friends with those messages. I was in a pretty bad place back in 2018 and I was just haunted by my past. I had not yet begun to do any of this at this time. I forget how exactly but I came across a film, by KyoAni (Kyoto Animation) called A Silent Voice. And for whatever reason, it really changed me for the better. It made me think of all the people I bullied or tormented, most of it was from 2010-2015. I had been bullied a lot when I was younger, and when I finally was part of a "group" at that age, they would make fun and bully others and I wanted to be "in" with the crowd, so I joined in not really caring about what was said. I realize now that I said some horrible things to different people, horrible jokes, racist terms, derogatory statements. I can only hope that they turned out well and I hope that they're doing well in life. There are around 2 people from 2010 or so that I was able to get in touch with who I had caused serious drama and even trauma to. I messaged them all of what I did and what happened and asked for their forgiveness for what I had done. I actually got replies from both of them. In summary, they had each moved on in life and were older, they had jobs and hobbies of their own, were living life and they said that although it was a bad experience at the time, they were able to move past it. They forgave me and we just talked for a bit about lots of stuff and seeing where life took each of us. We're not close friends or anything and didn't talk much after that, but I was glad that I was able to apologize to them and that they're doing well. So in 2018 shortly after that, I decided I wanted my life to be different and I only wanted to help people in life and make their lives easier. So from 2018-now, if I wronged someone, I've gone out of my way to write a message or apologize to them face-face. Whether it's an argument with a co-worker or online, or some other type of drama. Being able to admit being wrong, and forgive others has made me a better person. Watching what I say or do, thinking about others' feelings or how I might affect them, constantly looking for how I can help the person, has been life changing for me. I think that forgiving others and admitting a fault are two of the hardest things to do socially in life, but for me the first time each was the hardest, and eventually it's just become natural. I feel much more free in mind and living, and I'm not weighed down by my past. So even though things might be "incomplete" I know that I've done 100% everything I possibly could to fix things or talk to those that I could. Wether you think you can do those things or not is something only you can answer, but it doesn't hurt to try. I would say it took me many months even over time years to get around to backtracking and getting in touch with people or forgiving myself. It's not an instant process and may be hard, but for me, it was worth it 100%.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

I've given up on so much it's almost comical. Why does everything need to be so hard?

 

[LittleBabyNothing]

Yes it is ok to leave things incomplete. You do what you can and have to in life. But ultimately for me, my quality of life is important, if i can't find that then unresolved desires become less relevant for me. i know i've done the best i can to get the most from life. Now accepting this is how it looks, and i don't like it.

 

[stygal]

Finishing up my books (I'm only able to read the wiki articles by now) and being able to start new tv series which sounded interesting.
Other than that nothing is really that important to me anymore.

 

[Frauw]

Experience what it's like to not be physically disabled, too bad it ain't possible.

 

[woknows]

No one is making you leave. This is your choice. That being said. Only you know if there are some things keeping you here. No of us will have ever accomplished everything and there are always things let to do and say.

I want to confront my abusers and maybe say goodbye to few people important to me.

Of course, I had dreams. I still do. I am just not sure those dreams are reachable or even worth it anymore. I am still in process of deciding.

 

[Spiral]

I just keep reminding myself "the dead have no regrets" once I Ctb I won't even know that I left something undone, hopefully I won't know anything at all. I also feel like if I was actually able to achieve dreams or complete a bucket list I wouldn't be so rock bottom that I need to Ctb. Live and suffer for a long time or die and suffer for a few moments on the way to oblivion seem to be the only two choices, if there was a third path that wasn't completely out of reach I might want to try it first but unfortunately there isn't. Starting some new meds soon though, I am not hopeful but maybe they will change my brain lol

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

No

 

[wordsonscreen]

I just keep reminding myself "the dead have no regrets" once I Ctb I won't even know that I left something undone, hopefully I won't know anything at all. I also feel like if I was actually able to achieve dreams or complete a bucket list I wouldn't be so rock bottom that I need to Ctb. Live and suffer for a long time or die and suffer for a few moments on the way to oblivion seem to be the only two choices, if there was a third path that wasn't completely out of reach I might want to try it first but unfortunately there isn't. Starting some new meds soon though, I am not hopeful but maybe they will change my brain lol

haha this makes sense :) And I agree that if was able to achieve everything- I wouldnt be in this place that I am :p I really hope the new meds help :) Its always trial and error with medication but it can really improve things! I'm glad you're exploring that avenue.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yes, I would like to travel to Japan before ctb (if I happen to do it) but it's too expensive and the pandemic doesn't help.

 

[Sea Turtle]

I would love to take a last trip somewhere warm by the ocean and just never come back, though it is definitely more of a fantasy then something that would likely happen. Especially due to the state of the world.

 

[wordsonscreen]

I would love to take a last trip somewhere warm by the ocean and just never come back, though it is definitely more of a fantasy then something that would likely happen. Especially due to the state of the world.

Ugh I understand. But maybe? who knows. I know there are jobs where you can be a caretaker of an island/mansions on islands for free room and board etc.

 

[Busridin'26]

I wanna travel/eat many different traditional foods and experience various cultures.

I'd love to confront my whole fucking family. I'd love to let them know they are awful human beings for the things they've done to me and the shit they've caused my life to be.

I wanna fall in love..I want someone who I like to fall. in love with me... I know I could experience that but I attract hmm interesting individuals. I need someone that's a little more than me in ways and tbh I know that's possible but the time and energy hmm maybe not so possible...

I just wanna live like I'm gonna die which is kinda what I'm doing but I wanna enjoy it more. I lack funds and such for the enjoyment and honestly, COVID really fucked up my travelling plans.

I wanted to go to the USA for various events.. tbh still might and hopefully can.

 

[Sea Turtle]

Ugh I understand. But maybe? who knows. I know there are jobs where you can be a caretaker of an island/mansions on islands for free room and board etc.

Sounds like a dreaaam, where do I sign up

 

[Busridin'26]

Ugh I understand. But maybe? who knows. I know there are jobs where you can be a caretaker of an island/mansions on islands for free room and board etc.

Yessss Just wanna commnet that even If u lack funds there so many options for traveling and staying places.

Phsyical limitations may be an issue but a lot of place do like energy exchange (work for em/place for a place to stay and such) although I would caution anyone jn the world looking to do something like this.

Be careful who you stay with and all that.

 

[LittleBabyNothing]

Ugh I understand. But maybe? who knows. I know there are jobs where you can be a caretaker of an island/mansions on islands for free room and board etc.

i've often fantasied about a job like that

 

[Symbiote]

I have to ask myself that anything that I've tried new to improve my life has made me happier or not? And will anything that I try in the future will make me happy? There are some things I like to do, but doesn't hold a high priority in my life. I won't regret what I could've done in the future if I died suddenly.

 

[wordsonscreen]

I have to ask myself that anything that I've tried new to improve my life has made me happier or not? And will anything that I try in the future will make me happy? There are some things I like to do, but doesn't hold a high priority in my life. I won't regret what I could've done in the future if I died suddenly.

These are good questions to ask- thank you

 

[PeacefulRest]

For me it's mostly financial, to make sure my assets go where they need to go when I die, to make sure my partner is taken care of. It's also goodbyes to those few I have left. Most of those I've known or loved are dead. But the few who are left, I don't want to leave too much of a mess for them. And I want them to know that I was peaceful and accepting when I went. So I need to compose a good note. I really hated it when people I loved went without doing this. I think it would help my loved ones to know that I was in a reasonably good place, accepting, no longer in pain.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

I wish I wouldn't have to die a virgin and to have had experienced true reciprocal love. I can't fulfill that wish but I wish I could confront the person who abused and harmed me (I want to press charges against her but it will be very hard) or at least share my story to create awareness and prevent others from getting harmed. I also wish I could have enjoyed my life a little more, to have had my career I so dreamed of, but I can't anymore, and I'm too ill to care... it also makes me very sad and angry to think about what could have been haven't I've been harmed. Now I just want the void to take the pain away.

 

[Loser47]

Maybe sex and experience what it's like to be loved.

 

[Tkmiz_Tsukumizu]

Going to Kagoshima Japan, Northern Finland, just seeing places in the world. Having a child or adopting, learning another language, just know its not really worth it anymore, especially with covid everything is just too hard.

 

[Rn110bg101]

Saying sorry and goodbye to my friends: impossible because they've all blocked me.
Going to other countries: I can't even afford therapy, lol
Be at peace: impossible because trauma.
Dying peacefully: impossible because to some people, I haven't suffered enough.
Playing the remake of my favourite game: would probably be tainted by the fact even the devs hate me now
Meeting the one I love: they don't exist and alternate timelines aren't real so

 

[Thegoldenapples]

I wish I wouldn't have to die a virgin and to have had experienced true reciprocal love. I can't fulfill that wish but I wish I could confront the person who abused and harmed me (I want to press charges against her but it will be very hard) or at least share my story to create awareness and prevent others from getting harmed. I also wish I could have enjoyed my life a little more, to have had my career I so dreamed of, but I can't anymore, and I'm too ill to care... it also makes me very sad and angry to think about what could have been haven't I've been harmed. Now I just want the void to take the pain away.

I know exactly what you mean. Medical negligence by 3 professionals destroyed me, then all the docs that had no idea how to help after the professionals messed me up more. I wanted to spread awareness about that too. Happened just before I finished uni, ruined my career, relationships, life, travel etc. been 8 years since now. US is bad. Medical negligence is the 3rd biggest killer there. So many people are adversely impacted by the system. I'm live in a western country where care is supposed to be "good" but it's not.

 

[woknows]

The problem is that you are not likely to get anywhere. Especially if the problem is a mental disease. Everything that has happened will be prescribed to your poor mental state.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

I know exactly what you mean. Medical negligence by 3 professionals destroyed me, then all the docs that had no idea how to help after the professionals messed me up more. I wanted to spread awareness about that too. Happened just before I finished uni, ruined my career, relationships, life, travel etc. been 8 years since now. US is bad. Medical negligence is the 3rd biggest killer there. So many people are adversely impacted by the system. I'm live in a western country where care is supposed to be "good" but it's not.

I'm so sorry you where also harmed by doctors and your life was also destroyed... it's so so sad and frustrating that the persons that are supposed to care for our wellbeing are the ones who harm the most...doctors in western countries are just pill poppers and big pharma puppets, they have no idea about health or about the dangers of the drugs they give out.

 

[WornOutLife]

I hope I can go to Japan before ctb (probably).
For the time being, I can't! (damn money and pandemic lol)