EtherealCicada
Member
- Sep 28, 2025
- 8
Basic definition from wikipedia:
"Cotard's syndrome, also known as Cotard's delusion or walking corpse syndrome, is a rare mental disorder in which the affected person holds the delusional belief that they are deceased, do not exist, are putrefying, or have lost their blood or internal organs. Statistical analysis of a hundred-patient cohort indicated that denial of self-existence is present in 45% of the cases of Cotard's syndrome; the other 55% of the patients presented with delusions of immortality."
I only found out about the name for this phenomenon recently, but it's something I think I've experienced in sort of waves throughout my older childhood to now, when I brought it up to my therapist she just kinda brushed it off though.
My brain often tells me that I am not real, and/or I am already dead. Even if this appears untrue to somebody else, and I can somewhat dispute it, it still continues to come up. It both comforts and bothers me. I sometimes feel like my organs (most often my brain), parts of my limbs, the inside of any or specific ~orifices~ are turning to rot until they "snap" back to normal. This sensation doesn't usually last very long, and I'll have different emotional reactions to them case by case (from dissociated/uncaring, to disgust, to acceptance/calm or brief euphoria). The feeling of being "unreal" is stronger than the feeling of being "deceased" - I maybe feel in a halfway state, where I'm almost or partially dead. I want to make my half living body match my fully decayed brain.
When I was in early teenagerhood, after a vivid night terror, I became fully convinced that I lacked a physical heart. It wouldn't happen often, but I would become uncomfortable in social situations where people referred to my blood pumping organ, and "jokingly" deny its existence or maybe reroute the conversation to whoever I was talking to's heart instead. These days, I haven't given the thought of my heart much time. I wouldn't be opposed to evidence if somebody showed me a scan or proof of my organ in particular's existence, but I haven't imagined it in place since maybe 13-14. Whatever lacking a real heart says about my character... You tell me.
While I don't consistently think I'm dead, that isn't the only thing cotard's describes... And the symptoms I do experience seem almost textbook to me. Maybe I'm making things up. Or just crazy. I can't fucking tell anymore.
One last thing... I'm not sure how to properly express it, though. I don't believe in "souls" scientifically or anything, or perhaps "soul" is just an incorrect word. But I think everything out there that lives, most humans, flora, fauna, fungi, aliens (?), even microbes have something inside of them, something akin to a soul, like... A life essence, maybe. Some humans don't though. And I'm not sure what happened to mine.
This post does not serve a purpose, thank you.
"Cotard's syndrome, also known as Cotard's delusion or walking corpse syndrome, is a rare mental disorder in which the affected person holds the delusional belief that they are deceased, do not exist, are putrefying, or have lost their blood or internal organs. Statistical analysis of a hundred-patient cohort indicated that denial of self-existence is present in 45% of the cases of Cotard's syndrome; the other 55% of the patients presented with delusions of immortality."
I only found out about the name for this phenomenon recently, but it's something I think I've experienced in sort of waves throughout my older childhood to now, when I brought it up to my therapist she just kinda brushed it off though.
My brain often tells me that I am not real, and/or I am already dead. Even if this appears untrue to somebody else, and I can somewhat dispute it, it still continues to come up. It both comforts and bothers me. I sometimes feel like my organs (most often my brain), parts of my limbs, the inside of any or specific ~orifices~ are turning to rot until they "snap" back to normal. This sensation doesn't usually last very long, and I'll have different emotional reactions to them case by case (from dissociated/uncaring, to disgust, to acceptance/calm or brief euphoria). The feeling of being "unreal" is stronger than the feeling of being "deceased" - I maybe feel in a halfway state, where I'm almost or partially dead. I want to make my half living body match my fully decayed brain.
When I was in early teenagerhood, after a vivid night terror, I became fully convinced that I lacked a physical heart. It wouldn't happen often, but I would become uncomfortable in social situations where people referred to my blood pumping organ, and "jokingly" deny its existence or maybe reroute the conversation to whoever I was talking to's heart instead. These days, I haven't given the thought of my heart much time. I wouldn't be opposed to evidence if somebody showed me a scan or proof of my organ in particular's existence, but I haven't imagined it in place since maybe 13-14. Whatever lacking a real heart says about my character... You tell me.
While I don't consistently think I'm dead, that isn't the only thing cotard's describes... And the symptoms I do experience seem almost textbook to me. Maybe I'm making things up. Or just crazy. I can't fucking tell anymore.
One last thing... I'm not sure how to properly express it, though. I don't believe in "souls" scientifically or anything, or perhaps "soul" is just an incorrect word. But I think everything out there that lives, most humans, flora, fauna, fungi, aliens (?), even microbes have something inside of them, something akin to a soul, like... A life essence, maybe. Some humans don't though. And I'm not sure what happened to mine.
This post does not serve a purpose, thank you.
