uncontrollable, persistent thoughts of violence?

[s1ck0f1t4ll]

hi everyone, this is my first post here and i would like to ask if anyone else experiences this. i usually distract myself by finding something i enjoy. before it was persona 5 until that stopped working, then it was adastra but that's starting to not work for me. i don't know what to do about these thoughts, and i'm worried i'm going to hurt someone close to me very soon. it's been persistent for about 4 weeks now, and it's to the point where sometimes the only thing that soothes me is drawing unimaginably horrific gore scenes, or stabbing myself with various objects around me. i mostly am worried i'm going to hurt the few people close to me and if that happens i will be alone again. thank you for any advice you may have.

 

[miserabletires9]

You mean not yourself, but others?

If you have a gun or a truck, I suggest making them unattainable for.the time being?

 

[s1ck0f1t4ll]

You mean not yourself, but others?

If you have a gun or a truck, I suggest making them unattainable for.the time being?

i do not. i wouldn't ever handle a gun, too many personal issues with that. they're rather tame as of now, but i'm worried i'm entering a kind of psychosis over it. i find myself hearing voices telling me to commit horrendous acts and i've found myself completely incoherent to others at times.

You mean not yourself, but others?

If you have a gun or a truck, I suggest making them unattainable for.the time being

it's usually at myself, but sometimes others. sometimes i cant stop if, and my body will feel like i'm in vertigo as i reach for a nearby object and just go crazy on myself. others i can keep myself in check because i usually have multiple sensory inputs i can focus on to distract me, but by myself is a lot more difficult. sorry, i forgot to respond to this portion of the question.

 

[Rabbit-]

Since it sounds like you're very distressed by this, I'd suggest reading into intrusive thoughts, if you don't know what those are. Sorry if you've already eliminated that as a possibility- It's just the first thing that popped into my mind. I don't mind explaining the term if you haven't heard of it before now. The second part of your reply makes me think a little of dissociation, too.

Either way, art can be a valid way to cope with these sorts of things! Art therapy exists for a reason.

With the stabbing... I can't guarantee I'll be able to help, but do you mind going into more detail on what precedes it if you feel comfortable? You mentioned it's the same sorts of thoughts, but is the urge specifically to stab youself, or is stabbing just a substitute for different violent acts? Is there any element of doing it out of guilt, or to relieve different violent urges towards others? I can try to give you alternatives you can try, if you'd like.

Again- I can't promise anything because I'm not a psychologist by any means, but I'll try and help how I can based on my own experiences.

 

[s1ck0f1t4ll]

Since it sounds like you're very distressed by this, I'd suggest reading into intrusive thoughts, if you don't know what those are. Sorry if you've already eliminated that as a possibility- It's just the first thing that popped into my mind. I don't mind explaining the term if you haven't heard of it before now. The second part of your reply makes me think a little of dissociation, too.

Either way, art can be a valid way to cope with these sorts of things! Art therapy exists for a reason.

With the stabbing... I can't guarantee I'll be able to help, but do you mind going into more detail on what precedes it if you feel comfortable? You mentioned it's the same sorts of thoughts, but is the urge specifically to stab youself, or is stabbing just a substitute for different violent acts? Is there any element of doing it out of guilt, or to relieve different violent urges towards others? I can try to give you alternatives you can try, if you'd like.

Again- I can't promise anything because I'm not a psychologist by any means, but I'll try and help how I can based on my own experiences.

it's so difficult to explain. not only is there the constant violent urges, but also the bursts of uncontrollable actions. it's almost like something else takes over my brain and makes me do those self injurious things. it's particularly bad right now, i don't think it's great for me to think about it a lot because it seems to make it worse. for the most part i'm able to be a civil person in public. i'm kind to people, i've never hurt anyone and i never wanted to until now. i worry ive bottled up so much of my anger until now that it's only being expressed in dramatic waves. also, i really like the pfp. it's weird but akechi has always been an extremely comforting character for me. akechi, ryuji, futaba, and shinjiro for some reason. just thought i woild mention it, it was very comforting to see him i guess.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

It happens to me from time to time but dp remember that when you worry about such stuff you are much less likely to do it. People who actually do end up doing it don't care about the consequences and they certainly dont worry about.

 

[LittleJem]

I highly recommend you take yourself urgently to hospital and tell them. They might have a med that will stop you going into psychosis. I would take this seriously and protect those around you. While I know meds can suck they can really help with psychosis.

I'm not judging - my current med could make me aggressive, hostile and psychotic. I hope if it does I will realise its the med…I don't think any of us have control over our minds, but meds can help you in this situation

 

[Dead Ghost]

In my case it was OCD, in yours go to the doctor. But know that there is quite a difference between the desire to do harm or the fear of doing harm, especially in the diagnosis of what is happening to you.

//

En el meu cas era TOC, en el teu ves al metge. Però que sàpigues que hi ha força diferència entre el desig de fer mal o la por a fer mal, sobretot en el diagnòstic del que et passa.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

As a once violent person, it took me some time to not act on my thoughts. They're still there and have actually been creeping back in at a concerning rate these past few months, but I can control not acting on them.

I was never the 'seeing red' impulsive violent type, either, so it wasn't moments of madness with me. I wanted to physically hurt people who I felt wronged me.

 

[s1ck0f1t4ll]

thanks everyone here for the advice. however much i really don't want to… i will find people to talk to who can help me.

 

[Rabbit-]

it's so difficult to explain. not only is there the constant violent urges, but also the bursts of uncontrollable actions. it's almost like something else takes over my brain and makes me do those self injurious things.

I'd definitely agree with others in regards to seeing a therapist at some point. It can be tough, but a diagnosis can really help to get specific treatments and to help you understand what's happening in your brain! (Ah oops- I didn't see that you responded again, I'll keep this part up but sorry to repeat it!)

In the meantime, I'd suggest grounding techniques for when you feel that vertigo feeling. Focusing on sensory input is a really good start already- If you're alone, you can try eating/drinking something and describing the flavor and smell to yourself, or listening to music and focusing on the various elements (Each individual instrument, what the vocalist's voice is like if there's a singer, the tempo, the lyrics...).

This link has a lot of good techniques. Personally, "mental" grounding methods are more effective for me, but physical ones work for many. I'm not sure where I picked this up from, but I like to play a game with myself similar to #13 on the list where I go down the alphabet and think of as many words starting with a letter as I can before moving onto the next.

Otherwise, if you still feel relatively in control and are having violent thoughts, I like to take my anger out on inanimate objects. Ripping papers to shreds or crumpling them, punching/squeezing pillows or throwing them at my mattress, or sometimes- Although I know this is perhaps weird- folding up a clean towel so I can bite down on it as hard as I can.

Hopefully that helps you a little, I'm not sure. I'm wishing you the best for dealing with this, either way.

also, i really like the pfp. it's weird but akechi has always been an extremely comforting character for me. akechi, ryuji, futaba, and shinjiro for some reason. just thought i woild mention it, it was very comforting to see him i guess.

Thank you! I'm glad it was a comfort! I don't find it that odd- I picked this pfp in the first place because I relate to him and take some comfort in that. Futaba as well, though I didn't end up using her as my pfp in the end.

 

[s1ck0f1t4ll]

Otherwise, if you still feel relatively in control and are having violent thoughts, I like to take my anger out on inanimate objects. Ripping papers to shreds or crumpling them, punching/squeezing pillows or throwing them at my mattress, or sometimes- Although I know this is perhaps weird- folding up a clean towel so I can bite down on it as hard as I can.

biting stuff is usually my first reaction. very often it will be my hand but it hurts crazy bad so i try to wear a sweater all the time so i can bite that. i've got 2 different body pillows that sometimes i beat, but then other times i just squeeze them to death. i do appreciate all the resources, and i'm dead tired from work right now but i'll be sure to look into it in the morning.

 

[unnormal9]

Soulcalibur, Tekken, Mortal Kombat—expend it all there.

 

[jorheslen428]

Sounds like it could be pure o/ harm ocd. Also had it at one point, what helped me the most was mindfulness exercises

 

[SoftWorries]

Are you medicated at all? It's possible that even small amounts of antipsychotics or benzos could help the issue.

In the meantime how about imagining that you live in Persona. Just a really realistic version of it. If you wouldn't hurt your favorite characters maybe it would help. I think it's a silly suggestion but I've found thinking of myself as a Ghibli character etc to be relaxing sometimes.

If you say you're afraid of hurting others you'll get quick treatment at a hospital. You really deserve to get help because if you do end up hurting someone life will become bad for you and I don't want that to happen. Look after your future by getting help now.

 

[Rabbit-]

biting stuff is usually my first reaction. very often it will be my hand but it hurts crazy bad so i try to wear a sweater all the time so i can bite that. i've got 2 different body pillows that sometimes i beat, but then other times i just squeeze them to death. i do appreciate all the resources, and i'm dead tired from work right now but i'll be sure to look into it in the morning.

I'm honestly relieved to know you bite things as well lol- I feel like it's an uncommon habit so I was a little embarrassed, but I thought it'd be good to mention anyways.

I hope you're able to get some good use out of them! Thank you for being willing to read the paragraphs I dropped on you, I know I can talk a bit too much. Sleep well!