Venting Uncertainty about living

[latinoamericanboy]

More than a year considering suicide. I'm young, so the world sometimes surprises me. I think that despite all the bad things and suffering and struggle i still like the idea of living, maybe i'm even romanticizing it a little bit. Sometimes i was really down to it, and then something surprised me and pulled me just enough to make me live a little more. I wonder if there's a breaking point, a point of no return, something so awful and disgusting that steals my joy for good. There's also a possibility of mental illness, that there's some medication that will change things. But maybe... Maybe i should simply give up on this dumb hope of anything more meaningful, maybe that's all that will ever be.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've never been able to understand the appeal of being alive and how anyone could prefer to stay here, I see life itself as being the true problem but after all we all experience life differently. But there are an unlimited amount of ways in which life can get more horrible for people, that is a fact, and nobody can deny all of the cruelty that exists in this world. Usually if someone has any hope it just leads to more suffering when it's taken away. Having hope is just something to lose. Life is both incredibly disappointing and unsatisfying, there is nothing fair about this life.
I wish you the best.