Venting Unable to make friends

[depthss]

I have no friends and I haven't got awhile, I just can't keep them. My friendships don't last long, and they don't happen often. Every time I make friends with someone I get the feeling that I'm inadequate and that I don't deserve them. I always feel like I'm not good enough for the friends I've had, and that feeling grows every single day until it gets so overwhelming that I just can't take it and I abandon them.

I've made a list recently that has about 20 things on it, I don't remember exactly how many. I'm not going to attempt to make friends with anyone until everything on that list is completed. It shouldn't be hard because I'm not good at making friends anyways.
The list has different hobbies/skills I want to learn, it has milestones and achievements. It has interesting things I can do so I can talk about them. I want to be good at things so I can be good enough for other people.

If I don't complete the list in time I'll CTB. Loneliness is my main reason. If I manage to complete it I'll try and make friends, but I'm pretty sure I'll still CTB anyways, I don't really have much hope for myself

 

[jaxxon_sunn]

What hobbies and skills do u want to learn? I have lots of things I'm interested in but not skilled in it myself. As long as you like to talk about it you can make friends with people who like the same things as u

 

[FallingGrace]

You like Funger, so that already makes you cooler than half of this forum!

 

[ADeadBunny]

I understand this at a most fundamental level. That feeling has held be back in life more than anything else. Personally for me, this feeling stems from a lifetime of abuse. I hope that it isn't the same for you.

Every figure of authority in my life since the age of two tried their best to hurt me. They succeeded and it's left me scarred. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. No one deserves to go through that and no one deserves the consequences of that.

I say all of that because I also made lists of things that I felt I needed to do before making friends or getting a boyfriend. Thinking that if I could follow a certain path that I would be good enough, pretty enough, smart enough. That line of thinking doesn't work. It only makes things worse.

If you wish to beat your situation, the only way is through. You can't go around it or avoid pressure and pain. Doing so will paradoxically bring that on to you. Believe me I've tried it and if I could go back I would do things differently.

I'm sorry that you're experiencing this pain. I hope you're able to find relief somehow. I hope you find peace, friend.

 

[CPY]

I haven't gone out with anyone in two years I feel you

But i crave a person with the same issues with whom I could vent about my feelings

 

[depthss]

What hobbies and skills do u want to learn? I have lots of things I'm interested in but not skilled in it myself. As long as you like to talk about it you can make friends with people who like the same things as u

Started woodcarving and guitar already but I still have a few other things on there I want to start, like drums, writing, art, etc.
I'm just not sure how I would talk to people who also like those things, I don't really know enough about them to have a conversation

You like Funger, so that already makes you cooler than half of this forum!

Love finding more fear and hunger fans, probably my favourite game tbh

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Don't think there is anything wrong with you. The older I get, the more tired I get of maintaining "friendships". Everyone is so fake, backstabbing and disgusting these days. Everyone has a selfish alterior motive. Social media has totally ruined the human race. I enjoy being alone.

 

[achb]

Started woodcarving and guitar already but I still have a few other things on there I want to start, like drums, writing, art, etc.
I'm just not sure how I would talk to people who also like those things, I don't really know enough about them to have a conversation

Love finding more fear and hunger fans, probably my favourite game tbh

Hey when you start getting into art feel free to reach out to me. It sounds fun to talk art. I don't rlly discuss it with any of my friends, as much as I enjoy drawing.

I'm not much of a teacher so can't help there, but it's always fun to watch someone improve at it!

And as for writing, I'm shit at it, but I'm always down to hear someone rant about a story they're coming up with. My friend schedules rant nights with me where they just explain one story or another they've come up with lol. I don't say much, but love hearing that shit. It's interesting to see what ppl can come up with.

 

[Yuna is My Waifu]

I'm ugly and also have Avoidant Personality Disorder, i only talk to people at work, outside of work i mostly stay inside. Life is cruel.

Do you have a job where you can try to talk to people?

 

[kunikuzushi]

I do the same thing where I feel inadequate when I make new friends and just leave them because I can't take the feeling of not being good enough. I'm sorry you're going through this awful thing. I like your idea of the list. I want to do it too. I hope you can enjoy the hobbies as much as you can, and I believe that you can find some confidence in yourself to feel good enough for friends. Although, I do think you're already good enough for friends but really, I know the feeling of wanting to have hobbies and stuff to feel like you're worthy of friendship. Wishing you the best