Venting Ugly monster

[eatantz]

Im ugly, I have a disgusting face and an even more repulsive body. Unfortunately I'm sick enough to still want human connection, I keep falling in love with people and hoping something might happen. But that would be cruel to them.

I've lost weight, gained weight, changed my hair, my style nothing helps my hatred for myself. I put on makeup and clothes to feel human but you can't disguise a decaying pig with makeup.
Having imperfections is a human quality yet every part of my body feels so wrong and nasty.

I hate my face, my voice, want my body to be abused and burned to ashes. I want to be hurt, it deserves the pain, this ugly vessel.
I'm so stupid for trying to fit in, I wish I was normal, I wish I didn't critique and hate every part of myself [an ugly monster], I want someone to rip my face off and kill me

 

[3rdworldsadness]

This is the same I feel when I see a picture of myself I never take pictures and I have extreme camera shy I even don't like to look at reflection or mirrors. I feel this since I know what I looked like. People bullied me so much for my appearance and over the top I have dark skin that is instantly a turn off for most of the the people. My own mom told me I looked dirty etc. it's absolutely hard to live with a body you never wanted, a body that you feel like a stranger....

Being ugly is one of the worst thing that could happen to a person, I know some will say no uglyness is doesn't matter it whats inside a person but don't we prefer someone who looks better? Like seriously!!! We can't deny how much looks is so important and it does matters. I have hatred about me too and I can't build any kind of relationships cause I just can't I feel repulsive even thinking someone will be my friend. It's a horrifying cycle. And my mental health was destroyed because of this. I can only say you are not alone there's a girl out there who thinks just like you and I hope we can find peace....I always dreamt of going to another dimension and becoming the desires I always wanted.... hugs and peace to you, dear.

 

[eatantz]

This is the same I feel when I see a picture of myself I never take pictures and I have extreme camera shy I even don't like to look at reflection or mirrors. I feel this since I know what I looked like. People bullied me so much for my appearance and over the top I have dark skin that is instantly a turn off for most of the the people. My own mom told me I looked dirty etc. it's absolutely hard to live with a body you never wanted, a body that you feel like a stranger....

Being ugly is one of the worst thing that could happen to a person, I know some will say no uglyness is doesn't matter it whats inside a person but don't we prefer someone who looks better? Like seriously!!! We can't deny how much looks is so important and it does matters. I have hatred about me too and I can't build any kind of relationships cause I just can't I feel repulsive even thinking someone will be my friend. It's a horrifying cycle. And my mental health was destroyed because of this. I can only say you are not alone there's a girl out there who thinks just like you and I hope we can find peace....I always dreamt of going to another dimension and becoming the desires I always wanted.... hugs and peace to you, dear.

Thank you!! I keep re-reading your words.......... they resonate so deeply it hurts. I feel so stupid being upset about how I look, but it's all I have.