D
deathisnear
Experienced
- May 23, 2021
- 284
It's 2 months until I CTB. I feel a mix of things to be honest. I feel confident in my decision, I crave peace and the end so badly. I have a lot to do in that time, mainly notes and nailing down the specific location I will do it. But I am starting to feel now that this is the end. I feel like I am starting to go places for the last time, seeing people for the last time I may not see again before I CTB and while some of that is bittersweet, I need this so badly for me. I know my CTB will hurt some people, that's what's kept me from doing it all these years, but I simply can't let that stop me anymore. I am in so much pain, battling so many demons and I deserve and crave peace for than anything. I already postponed once because of circumstances out of my control and I am not letting that happen again. It needs to happen, I need peace. Two months ... so close yet so far.