Venting TW for selharm

[4Kumo7]

Idk if the TW is needed, but I added it in any case

I know cutting is not normal or okay, but because I started when I was so young, it feels so. I know why people are so against self harm, but at the same time I can't comprehend the reasons.

 

[MidnightCat]

I've been "clean-ish" of SH for 10 years or so.

I miss it. Almost daily.

However, it's not good to mutilate yourself. It's still dangerous as you can end up going too deep. The wound may get infected..

And "biologically" no sane animal would hurt itself. So, it's clearly something that's motivated by some kind of illness.

Oh humid days, my arm still hurts where I cut too deep 17 years ago. I understand why you cut yourself, and as I said I miss it. However as you can see... It's still not "normal" and usually would result in worrying or even hurting other people.

 

[4Kumo7]

I've been "clean-ish" of SH for 10 years or so.

I miss it. Almost daily.

However, it's not good to mutilate yourself. It's still dangerous as you can end up going too deep. The wound may get infected..

And "biologically" no sane animal would hurt itself. So, it's clearly something that's motivated by some kind of illness.

Oh humid days, my arm still hurts where I cut too deep 17 years ago. I understand why you cut yourself, and as I said I miss it. However as you can see... It's still not "normal" and usually would result in worrying or even hurting other people.

Damn! 10 years is really something, so hella well done!! And the fact that despite missing it, you're still able to stay clean, makes you really strong in my eyes ngl.

As for going too deep, there's no worry for me in that. I am afraid of doing so and cannot even risk going deep since I can't risk losing strength in my arms.

I know it could be motivated by some kind of illness, but what? I feel sane but at the same time I know something must be wrong with me. It pisses me off that I can't pinpoint it out.

Well besides my mom and sister, I have no one to worry, nobody gives a shit about me besides the ones who are forced to.

 

[dead dav]

Self harm makes me feel alive I don't cut I slap and punch myself also scratch myself with a knife but I know ifs not right

 

[4Kumo7]

Self harm makes me feel alive I don't cut I slap and punch myself also scratch myself with a knife but I know ifs not right

I can understand how it makes you feel alive, idk if it's the same for me, I can't really understand the way it makes me feel
I also punched myself in the past and it honestly feels better than cutting.

 

[dead dav]

I feel I need punishment which I know is a self worth thing I actually used knife for the 1st time to scratch my chest still have the marks

 

[4Kumo7]

I feel I need punishment which I know is a self worth thing I actually used knife for the 1st time to scratch my chest still have the marks

Exactly this!! I feel like harming myself is the right thing to do because I know it's what deserve. Cutting on your chest seems way too scary tho

 

[dead dav]

Only scratched beat myself with a belt too

 

[4Kumo7]

Only scratched beat myself with a belt too

Well yeah, I don't think I can call mine cuts either, they're surface level, just 2 deeper ones. But I never tried with a belt

 

[dead dav]

The pain kinda helps with my depression gives me control

 

[MidnightCat]

Damn! 10 years is really something, so hella well done!! And the fact that despite missing it, you're still able to stay clean, makes you really strong in my eyes ngl.

As for going too deep, there's no worry for me in that. I am afraid of doing so and cannot even risk going deep since I can't risk losing strength in my arms.

I know it could be motivated by some kind of illness, but what? I feel sane but at the same time I know something must be wrong with me. It pisses me off that I can't pinpoint it out.

Well besides my mom and sister, I have no one to worry, nobody gives a shit about me besides the ones who are forced to.

Tbh I'm just clean because I have nowhere to hide the cuts from my wife. If I had a way I won't probably be able to resist the urge.


If I can say something, noone is forced to give a shit about anyone, so although you may feel that way... They do care about you because they want to, don't underestimate that.

About the illness... It's hard to know, but without wanting to offend anyone is the most probable cause (I'm ill myself, got depression and BPD), finding what's going on with your mental health is something that may help you, you should try to see a doctor or psychologist.


Remember that it's nothing wrong to ask for medical help or to have a mental illness, and although might not sound "that realistic" a lot of people get much better when treated.

Hoping the best for you!

 

[CanddySpiderr]

tbh I regret cutting myself so heavilyy, I don't feel comfortable going out without hiding my left arm from my elbow down to my wrist at all.. I have tried going out without anything hiding but people stare so much, the looks on their faces and everything just makes me not wanna bother going without hiding at all.
After already having cut so much already I feel like its giving more of a reason to just do it more cuz I've already messed it up bad enough already, and it feels good to go crazy on it, I haven't cut for at least a year now so..

I feel I need punishment which I know is a self worth thing I actually used knife for the 1st time to scratch my chest still have the marks

I can relate so hard to this, the need to punish myself over seemingly nothing at times, like I can't even really pinpoint why its like this
and yeah, punishing yourself like that or going on drug binges willingly def makes me feel in control as well, since I don't have too much control over my life with how good I can make it its def easier controlling how much pain I can give. It does give a bit of a comforting feeling strangely hehe

I'm gonna keep fighting the urge and try to feel more in control that way even if its depressing I can never do anything with my past cuts, better not making more regrets!

 

[dead dav]

You fight I wish I could

 

[MidnightCat]

tbh I regret cutting myself so heavilyy, I don't feel comfortable going out without hiding my left arm from my elbow down to my wrist at all.. I have tried going out without anything hiding but people stare so much, the looks on their faces and everything just makes me not wanna bother going without hiding at all.
After already having cut so much already I feel like its giving more of a reason to just do it more cuz I've already messed it up bad enough already, and it feels good to go crazy on it, I haven't cut for at least a year now so..

I can relate so hard to this, the need to punish myself over seemingly nothing at times, like I can't even really pinpoint why its like this
and yeah, punishing yourself like that or going on drug binges willingly def makes me feel in control as well, since I don't have too much control over my life with how good I can make it its def easier controlling how much pain I can give. It does give a bit of a comforting feeling strangely hehe

I'm gonna keep fighting the urge and try to feel more in control that way even if its depressing I can never do anything with my past cuts, better not making more regrets!

If noone said it before...

Good job keeping it up! It's really hard to do and you deserve the recognition for it!

It's hard, when years pass by they're less noticeable, but people usually spot them.

Most of mine are not visible, however my 2 biggest scars are quite visible in my arm, when people ask I just say an excuse like I got cut with a metal fence, was made in a motorcycle fall or whatever and at least some people believe it.

We cannot change our past, nor we need to. But we can define our future, and although SH makes you feel in control... As you wisely said, you're more in control if you're able to fight the urge.

 

[Namelesa]

I understand not being able to comprehend the reasons for it being so stigmatized. Personally me cutting myself shouldn't be problem for others as it's my body and my pain. As long as you don't cut too deeply, clean injuries and okay with scars then it's okayish to do it as a coping mechanism. I mean if I stop doing it then I will less be able to cope so for me it's better to do it then it is not to do it.

 

[4Kumo7]

Tbh I'm just clean because I have nowhere to hide the cuts from my wife. If I had a way I won't probably be able to resist the urge.


If I can say something, noone is forced to give a shit about anyone, so although you may feel that way... They do care about you because they want to, don't underestimate that.

About the illness... It's hard to know, but without wanting to offend anyone is the most probable cause (I'm ill myself, got depression and BPD), finding what's going on with your mental health is something that may help you, you should try to see a doctor or psychologist.


Remember that it's nothing wrong to ask for medical help or to have a mental illness, and although might not sound "that realistic" a lot of people get much better when treated.

Hoping the best for you!

Even if you're doing it because you're "forced" to, it's still something which should be admired, it's still your will yk.
And what I mean by those who are forced, is my mom and sister, my mom gave birth to me so she doesn't have a choice but to love me cause I'm her child, and well, with my sister, I grew up with her. I know others aren't fortunate enough to have someone like them, but this is still how I view things.
And I believe that it's in our nature to care about some people, we can't help it.
I wanna see a psychologist, I actually tried going to one at school, but it turns out it's some kind of school mentoring, which sucks cause I gotta go till may, but yeah.
And thank you! I'm hoping the best for you as well^^

I understand not being able to comprehend the reasons for it being so stigmatized. Personally me cutting myself shouldn't be problem for others as it's my body and my pain. As long as you don't cut too deeply, clean injuries and okay with scars then it's okayish to do it as a coping mechanism. I mean if I stop doing it then I will less be able to cope so for me it's better to do it then it is not to do it.

Yeah exactly! Sometimes I just wish my mom would allow me to cut myself lol, but I know that's not possible.