Venting TW: CSA, TMI — Wish someone would care.

[catastrophix]

TW: TMI, CSA mention

I don't really want to specify in detail why I'm feeling so disgusting and disgraceful on a public forum, but I've been having horrible CSA flashbacks for days.

I can feel all the filth on my skin. I keep seeing all their faces. They don't laugh maliciously, but because they were all just having so much fun permanently fucking up my brain and body.

Because of them, I'm infertile. I have incontinence. I have PTSD and DID. I take 15 or so medications a day just so I don't kill myself. I've gained so much weight on these meds. I look like a fucking pig because of all the pills. I'm so fucking ugly and I just feel that I will never reach my goals.

I want friends more than anything. Maybe even a partner down the line. But I am the biggest, ugliest burden alive. I just wish I could CTB and get it over with. Nobody wants me here. I don't blame them.

I haven't cut in years, but I'm really considering it again. I just fuck up too much to not punish myself in some sort of way. I'm sorry this is all so negative but I can't keep living like I am. I truly feel unwanted.

 

[DazaiKinnie]

TW: TMI, CSA mention

I don't really want to specify in detail why I'm feeling so disgusting and disgraceful on a public forum, but I've been having horrible CSA flashbacks for days.

I can feel all the filth on my skin. I keep seeing all their faces. They don't laugh maliciously, but because they were all just having so much fun permanently fucking up my brain and body.

Because of them, I'm infertile. I have incontinence. I have PTSD and DID. I take 15 or so medications a day just so I don't kill myself. I've gained so much weight on these meds. I look like a fucking pig because of all the pills. I'm so fucking ugly and I just feel that I will never reach my goals.

I want friends more than anything. Maybe even a partner down the line. But I am the biggest, ugliest burden alive. I just wish I could CTB and get it over with. Nobody wants me here. I don't blame them.

I haven't cut in years, but I'm really considering it again. I just fuck up too much to not punish myself in some sort of way. I'm sorry this is all so negative but I can't keep living like I am. I truly feel unwanted.

That's horrible to go through, I hope the peole that did this to you burn in hell. No one deserves this, I hope you can find a way that is the best for yourself. If you need to talk I can listen.

 

[CTB Dream]

Vry sry all Hpn life crul life awful, human abuse maje sffr this all awful, vry sry sabuse trama ptsd illne, this any time talk want here forum ok hope peace

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds so horrible what you've had to endure, it's such a hellish world where humans create so much harm but anyway I wish you the best. Life really is so unnecessarily cruel.