jeevasO-o
Disqualified As a Human Being
- Jan 15, 2026
- 34
I just can't leave. My parents will never let me go. They still treat me like a child. Despite me being over 20 years old, I still have no prober phone, just an old one with heavy restrictions (limited screentime, no google / browsers, no way to install apps without permission, YouTube blocked and any social media ofc)
I thankfully have an iPad I got years ago in my school which I use 24/7 and have freedom on. (My parents had another ipad to control my ipad but I managed to get out of that myself. Except that my age on my ipad is still "11 years old" and I am in a family group thing. But that's not really changing much I think because I can change all settings after figuring out how to get access to their ipad and get the code)
My parents still wish my Ipad would get broken so "I would be free". I still often get threatened that they'll break it, and never let me have internet again. Thank God my mother is 100 times better than my dad. Still she's so confusing?? She lets me have freedom idk and is nice and then suddenly she's on my dad's side and says it's not good blah blah but doesn't beat me or insults me like him.
My dad says I can only leave when I get married but keeps saying nobody would marry me anyway. Fuck yeah I don't wanna get married?! Even there he doesn't makes sense. I'm not allowed to go outside without him knowing everything (where I go, how long, I have to keep my phone loud and on, no turning off and hiding location) and I am not allowed to talk to ANY guys except I HAVE to. I can't date, I can't talk with guys, I can't be homosexual, I can't even be close to a guy, I can't even fucking shake hands or touch them in the slightest way??? If he knew I am homosexual he would probably beat the shit out of me and yell at me a lot. He said he'd even kill me and I believe him. Also of course he has to choose who I'll marry and someone from people he knows (family idk) when I don't know even fucking know that guy except for a few days before marriage. Also of course he has to check up his whole life.. if he does drugs / smokes, if he is religious, how much he knows about our religion, if he does sins, if he has a "good" personality, if he is dominant... What the Fuck?
My dad is probably actually crazy. Seriously. All that OBSESSION with his status and me is weird. He said he'd kill for his status and how our family looks. There's so much else I didn't mention here too. He thinks everything is "not pure" like all my hobbies and everything I do. Literally anything. Drawing? Anime? A different style? Walking different? Mental issues? Disabilities? Eating? Yes. I have no privacy at all. Even going to the bathroom! I can't stay in too long or he waits at the door so I don't do anything inappropriate or cut myself again. I can't even stay up nights easily because he always will hear me and he wakes up so easily even if it's just me standing up from my bed that makes noises. Sometimes he sleeps in the same room as me. He even often checks up my body and looks in my bags, around my room, in my bed, closets to make sure I'm not hiding anything. He once found I had vodka in my closet and I managed to convince him I didn't buy that or wasn't gonna drink it. He found belongings he didn't like. I don't know. Enegry drinks, knives / blades, papers, drawings, notes, figures / plushies.
He always thinks I'll end up doing something unpure. sex work or be a slut I don't know?? He told me that even as a kid. Even when I was 14-15. I never even had him see anything like me being with guys, or sharing pictures of me. I have no idea why he thinks that. He's paranoid as fuck and obessed with religion. He would kill me for God. He believes his dreams are a sign of something. He could be dreaming of me doing something bad and being mad at me and watching out even more for me. Ffs I'm over 20 already.
I know I could leave legally and get away. I just can't though. I couldn't live on my own, I couldn't leave everything behind, I have too many belongings I'd have to take, I am scared he'd find me, I don't wanna leave my mom, I don't wanna leave my cat, I don't want a suddenly huge change (I have autism)
I still wanna do something about it. Any advice or something?
I thankfully have an iPad I got years ago in my school which I use 24/7 and have freedom on. (My parents had another ipad to control my ipad but I managed to get out of that myself. Except that my age on my ipad is still "11 years old" and I am in a family group thing. But that's not really changing much I think because I can change all settings after figuring out how to get access to their ipad and get the code)
My parents still wish my Ipad would get broken so "I would be free". I still often get threatened that they'll break it, and never let me have internet again. Thank God my mother is 100 times better than my dad. Still she's so confusing?? She lets me have freedom idk and is nice and then suddenly she's on my dad's side and says it's not good blah blah but doesn't beat me or insults me like him.
My dad says I can only leave when I get married but keeps saying nobody would marry me anyway. Fuck yeah I don't wanna get married?! Even there he doesn't makes sense. I'm not allowed to go outside without him knowing everything (where I go, how long, I have to keep my phone loud and on, no turning off and hiding location) and I am not allowed to talk to ANY guys except I HAVE to. I can't date, I can't talk with guys, I can't be homosexual, I can't even be close to a guy, I can't even fucking shake hands or touch them in the slightest way??? If he knew I am homosexual he would probably beat the shit out of me and yell at me a lot. He said he'd even kill me and I believe him. Also of course he has to choose who I'll marry and someone from people he knows (family idk) when I don't know even fucking know that guy except for a few days before marriage. Also of course he has to check up his whole life.. if he does drugs / smokes, if he is religious, how much he knows about our religion, if he does sins, if he has a "good" personality, if he is dominant... What the Fuck?
My dad is probably actually crazy. Seriously. All that OBSESSION with his status and me is weird. He said he'd kill for his status and how our family looks. There's so much else I didn't mention here too. He thinks everything is "not pure" like all my hobbies and everything I do. Literally anything. Drawing? Anime? A different style? Walking different? Mental issues? Disabilities? Eating? Yes. I have no privacy at all. Even going to the bathroom! I can't stay in too long or he waits at the door so I don't do anything inappropriate or cut myself again. I can't even stay up nights easily because he always will hear me and he wakes up so easily even if it's just me standing up from my bed that makes noises. Sometimes he sleeps in the same room as me. He even often checks up my body and looks in my bags, around my room, in my bed, closets to make sure I'm not hiding anything. He once found I had vodka in my closet and I managed to convince him I didn't buy that or wasn't gonna drink it. He found belongings he didn't like. I don't know. Enegry drinks, knives / blades, papers, drawings, notes, figures / plushies.
He always thinks I'll end up doing something unpure. sex work or be a slut I don't know?? He told me that even as a kid. Even when I was 14-15. I never even had him see anything like me being with guys, or sharing pictures of me. I have no idea why he thinks that. He's paranoid as fuck and obessed with religion. He would kill me for God. He believes his dreams are a sign of something. He could be dreaming of me doing something bad and being mad at me and watching out even more for me. Ffs I'm over 20 already.
I know I could leave legally and get away. I just can't though. I couldn't live on my own, I couldn't leave everything behind, I have too many belongings I'd have to take, I am scared he'd find me, I don't wanna leave my mom, I don't wanna leave my cat, I don't want a suddenly huge change (I have autism)
I still wanna do something about it. Any advice or something?
