Venting turned a good life into mess

[WouldYouMind]

My parents are pretty wealthy, and they let me live alone without having to earn money for living so I can concentrate on my studies and spend time on my hobbies. Formally, I study at a nice university, but in fact I haven't attended any classes for about 5 months. I can't and I don't want to communicate with anyone, my social skills have worsened so much. All of my friends that I had good time hanging around with are in a different city. I feel like I'm a burden not only to my parents, but to all of my relatives. They spend money on me, and I don't do anything. I feel like this for over a year now, sometimes I have thoughts like "wouldn't it be better if I didn't exist?". I thought of a CTB a few times, even had plans, but I didn't make them real. It's not that I'm scared too much, more like I can't build up the courage. I do SH and it's getting more serious each time. I got rid of everything I used to SH after last time because I felt like I could accidentally CTB next time.

My parents have no clue that I'm going to be kicked form uni pretty soon, and I seem to not care at all. Actually, I gradually stopped caring too much about literally anything important since like 2.5-3 years ago (my health, my education, pretty much my whole life). I'm fucking scared of talking to my relatives, my parents the most. I don't know how they will react when I tell them everything I'm currently going to share with you.

I never seeked professional help, though I know I really should. I don't feel like doing anything now, it's unbelievably hard to get out of bed every time I wake up. My apartment is literally a fucking dump at this point.

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I'll make another post in this thread if I have anything else to tell.

 

[lukas19]

My parents are pretty wealthy, and they let me live alone without having to earn money for living so I can concentrate on my studies and spend time on my hobbies. Formally, I study at a nice university, but in fact I haven't attended any classes for about 5 months. I can't and I don't want to communicate with anyone, my social skills have worsened so much. All of my friends that I had good time hanging around with are in a different city. I feel like I'm a burden not only to my parents, but to all of my relatives. They spend money on me, and I don't do anything. I feel like this for over a year now, sometimes I have thoughts like "wouldn't it be better if I didn't exist?". I thought of a CTB a few times, even had plans, but I didn't make them real. It's not that I'm scared too much, more like I can't build up the courage. I do SH and it's getting more serious each time. I got rid of everything I used to SH after last time because I felt like I could accidentally CTB next time.

My parents have no clue that I'm going to be kicked form uni pretty soon, and I seem to not care at all. Actually, I gradually stopped caring too much about literally anything important since like 2.5-3 years ago (my health, my education, pretty much my whole life). I'm fucking scared of talking to my relatives, my parents the most. I don't know how they will react when I tell them everything I'm currently going to share with you.

I never seeked professional help, though I know I really should. I don't feel like doing anything now, it's unbelievably hard to get out of bed every time I wake up. My apartment is literally a fucking dump at this point.

---

I'll make another post in this thread if I have anything else to tell.

So your parents have no idea how you feel at all?

 

[WouldYouMind]

So your parents have no idea how you feel at all?

I think so. I try to act as if I'm totally fine in front of others.

 

[resolutory]

I feel the same way. I've had such a comfortable, I guess, life and yet I've wasted it. Not for a lack of trying but... I don't know, I'm just useless I guess.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a tiring situation to be trapped in, at least to me it's understandable not really wanting to do anything but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[RichardFirst]

I'm going to wager that you are rather young, perhaps in your early 20s? If this is so, then I can assure you that it is not too late to fix things. IF you get kicked out of university, you can join up to another university next year. The loss of a year seems like a lot, but in the grander scheme of things, it really isn't. I know a guy who had to repeat two years of college, and he is today a successful person.

Ultimately, you are in control of your own life, but don't be so quick to give up on what may be a resolvable situation.

 

[epic]

Any particular reason why you don't feel like attending college ?

 

[itsjustm3]

I can related to you very much, I dropped out of uni after 3 years in because I feel like I can not function as a human being after graduated. I have thoughts of CTB more throughout my days in uni due to chronic depression. I have no social skill, no real friends or internet friends. I have 1 failed attempt in my 2nd years. As for my 3rd years the urge to do it so bad that I phoned my dad to said that I couldn't do it anymore. He was very understanding and said I didn't have to finish uni if I wish not to. It seem that it wasn't serious but I know it was a hard decision for him. Cause just like you said I feel my family had spend money on me and I've wasted it all.
I also understand about not doing anything at all. Even when it's a regular task or going to class. It's like my body's ready to accept death and my mind is feeling guilty for not doing things.

 

[Mizoppo911]

I absolutely feel this, I am going to college (well supposed to) next year and I feel like I failed. I feel like I am a burden and I am terrified that the friends I have now will not want to do anything with me after. My parents love me and support me, but I just don't know where to go in life. I have lost my ability to care about thing in the past year, I just can't. I don't want to ctb, but I feel like if I fail them it will happen. Everytime I mention this to my mom she wants to increase my medicine. I just don't have any motivation to do anything in life, I've tried to apply for jobs and colleges either they don't respond back or they deny me for whatever reason. I feel stuck in a loophole of life currently, I am terrified for the future I never thought I would graduate, I just didn't think life would move this quick, now that I'm here I am terrified. I am so glad you said this. Thank you.