I'm a student. I take my classes, sleep when I'm done with work, sleep when I get home. I derive no enjoyment from relationships, activities, or the idea of pursuing a career. I find the economy and the prospect of living to a point where I have "lived" to be a horrible one. I enjoy certain things about life, but there will come a time when I cannot be so carefree anymore.
I made the stupid decision a few years ago to over-dramatize things for the sake of medication. I've been in a mental hospital twice.
Autism is the worst thing to ever happen to me. I hate my family members, I hate conflict, and I hate how there seems to be a way to live life correctly that is so utterly unappealing to me that living that way for even a week is the most laborious, horrible thing. I don't want a career, I don't want a family, I don't want to live with all I've done and seen thus far. I'm a horrible person, even though I haven't done much wrong by societal standards. I haven't killed, I haven't ruined lives. I've ruined my own, however.
I discovered this website through some video demonizing it and found it quite easily, not really opinionated. I don't really have an opinion, still, I'm too careless.
My first "attempt" was actually just an attempt to get high, but I flipped mindsets as soon as I went incoherent and said it was a suicide attempt. I suppose it was, in a way.
The second time, I took an entire pack of benadryl, eight prescription grade ibuprofen pills, smoked a cigarette or two, and drank maybe half of a glass bottle of beer before my disgust for beer made me stop.
I'm in a place where I have no immediate access to my medications, no way to buy anything, no desire to try anything gruesome. I'm given trileptal, wellbutrin, and hydroxizine. 50 mg for the hydroxizine capsules, 100 for the wellbutrin red pills, and what I believe to be 150 mg pills for trileptal, twice a day. They aren't always consistently given to me.
For an estimate, I'll say I'm around 200 lbs and 5'3. May be a slight overestimation, but that's the point. Someone tell me how many I'd need for a guaranteed death, and if you would, what it may feel like in the early stages if you've overdosed or studied such a thing. I'd also like to know how to take these in a way where I won't throw up or need a bunch of water, {which makes me want to puke after a while}. I'm not trying to die super urgently, but I need to know how long it'd take and other factors. Dying is unbelievably hard, as the body's one job is to keep you alive until it rots from the inside out.
I made the stupid decision a few years ago to over-dramatize things for the sake of medication. I've been in a mental hospital twice.
Autism is the worst thing to ever happen to me. I hate my family members, I hate conflict, and I hate how there seems to be a way to live life correctly that is so utterly unappealing to me that living that way for even a week is the most laborious, horrible thing. I don't want a career, I don't want a family, I don't want to live with all I've done and seen thus far. I'm a horrible person, even though I haven't done much wrong by societal standards. I haven't killed, I haven't ruined lives. I've ruined my own, however.
I discovered this website through some video demonizing it and found it quite easily, not really opinionated. I don't really have an opinion, still, I'm too careless.
My first "attempt" was actually just an attempt to get high, but I flipped mindsets as soon as I went incoherent and said it was a suicide attempt. I suppose it was, in a way.
The second time, I took an entire pack of benadryl, eight prescription grade ibuprofen pills, smoked a cigarette or two, and drank maybe half of a glass bottle of beer before my disgust for beer made me stop.
I'm in a place where I have no immediate access to my medications, no way to buy anything, no desire to try anything gruesome. I'm given trileptal, wellbutrin, and hydroxizine. 50 mg for the hydroxizine capsules, 100 for the wellbutrin red pills, and what I believe to be 150 mg pills for trileptal, twice a day. They aren't always consistently given to me.
For an estimate, I'll say I'm around 200 lbs and 5'3. May be a slight overestimation, but that's the point. Someone tell me how many I'd need for a guaranteed death, and if you would, what it may feel like in the early stages if you've overdosed or studied such a thing. I'd also like to know how to take these in a way where I won't throw up or need a bunch of water, {which makes me want to puke after a while}. I'm not trying to die super urgently, but I need to know how long it'd take and other factors. Dying is unbelievably hard, as the body's one job is to keep you alive until it rots from the inside out.
