Help Trying to make a decision

[Felodese]

So today I feel like I have two options:
1) Go to my therapy apointment and risk involuntary hospitalization
or
2) CTB while I still can, even though I haven't quite figured out where to do it

Anyone who's been locked up in a psych ward against their will can probably relate to not wanting to ever go through that again. On the other hand I kind of want to see my psychologist, cause I quite like the guy, and I down't know for sure that he's going to have me locked up.

While I have mostly accepted that my depression isn't going anywhere and that death is the better option, I feel like the threat of hospitalization is forcing my hand here. I would have liked more time to plan the where and when. But now I guess I'll have to do it in my car, and just try to find some spot that's secluded enough.

I'm having a hard time making up my mind.

Any input or advice?

 

[Ash]

IME, if you're honest you'll probably be asked if you would consider voluntary admission. All I can say is don't try anything if you're not sure, especially as impulsive attempts fail more often than not and I assume you don't want to risk the possibility of injury, which could make things worse for you.

 

[Felodese]

IME, if you're honest you'll probably be asked if you would consider voluntary admission. All I can say is don't try anything if you're not sure, especially as impulsive attempts fail more often than not and I assume you don't want to risk the possibility of injury, which could make things worse for you.

Thanks for replying. I hear what you're saying.

My worry is that where I am the prerequisite for involuntary commitment are 1) Having a serious mental illness (= suicidal), 2) Deemed to be in need of around the clock care (= might kill yourself if left alone) and 3) Refuses treatment (= refusing hospitalization). And I fit all of the above. So even though my psychologist is a reasonable guy, he might be legaly obliged to have me commited.

Of course I don't want to fail. But I feel the method is pretty well planed out by now (argon + exit bag). It's the location that's the issue.

 

[Linda]

You don't have to tell your therapist that you are suicidal. If he has no reason to believe that you are suicidal, he has no grounds to have you locked up. You can tell him that you are depressed, but leave it at that.
Therapy might be able to help you, so I would be inclined to take the risk and go see your therapist.
It only makes sense to ctb when you are sure that ctb is the right option, and it sounds as though you are not sure.

 

[Felodese]

You don't have to tell your therapist that you are suicidal. If he has no reason to believe that you are suicidal, he has no grounds to have you locked up. You can tell him that you are depressed, but leave it at that.
Therapy might be able to help you, so I would be inclined to take the risk and go see your therapist.
It only makes sense to ctb when you are sure that ctb is the right option, and it sounds as though you are not sure.

He knows I'm (chronically) suicidal, cause that's one of the reasons I'm in therapy. And he knows I'm more unstable at the moment. But of course you're right that I don't tell him out outright.
I'm still ambivalent, but getting there. My fear is that I'll miss my chance if I get locked up.

 

[Ash]

Thanks for replying. I hear what you're saying.

My worry is that where I am the prerequisite for involuntary commitment are 1) Having a serious mental illness (= suicidal), 2) Deemed to be in need of around the clock care (= might kill yourself if left alone) and 3) Refuses treatment (= refusing hospitalization). And I fit all of the above. So even though my psychologist is a reasonable guy, he might be legaly obliged to have me commited.

Of course I don't want to fail. But I feel the method is pretty well planed out by now (argon + exit bag). It's the location that's the issue.

Yes, the refusal of admission may well see it stepped up to involuntary. I'm glad you're thinking things through. I hope you are able to make a decision that brings you peace.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Can you see your therapist but impress upon him that past stays in psyche wards have made you feel worse. Basically say what you've said here. The threat of being locked up is effectively making you feel pressured but, you do find his support helpful.

 

[J&L383]

Yes, I'm glad you're aware of the ramifications of what to say and what not to say. There's clearly no simple answer . If you're not too afraid of hospitalization, you could be frank with the therapist and take your chances. But if that terrifies you I would say keep those cards closely to yourself and see what you can accomplish outside of the confines of "the bin." I've never been in one, but I have visited patients and it doesn't look like a pleasant place to spend much time. (Although it varies considerably depending on the location).

 

[Felodese]

Can you see your therapist but impress upon him that past stays in psyche wards have made you feel worse. Basically say what you've said here. The threat of being locked up is effectively making you feel pressured but, you do find his support helpful.

That is actually a very good point. Thank you for that.

Yes, I'm glad you're aware of the ramifications of what to say and what not to say. There's clearly no simple answer . If you're not too afraid of hospitalization, you could be frank with the therapist and take your chances. But if that terrifies you I would say keep those cards closely to yourself and see what you can accomplish outside of the confines of "the bin." I've never been in one, but I have visited patients and it doesn't look like a pleasant place to spend much time. (Although it varies considerably depending on the location).

It's not a great place to be, and even if the ward itself had been pleasent, being a prisoner without rights, knowing what doctors and staff are allowed to do to you if you're not "cooperative" enough, the other patients that are manic or psyhcotic and completely unpredictable, the fact that you have no escape. It's torture.

 

[Linda]

Can you see your therapist but impress upon him that past stays in psyche wards have made you feel worse. Basically say what you've said here. The threat of being locked up is effectively making you feel pressured but, you do find his support helpful.

Can I second that. One of my nephews is a psychistrist and he tells me that (believe it or not) they don't like locking people up. It's not so much out of consideration for you, as the fact that once they have done that to a patient, it usually makes it much harder for them to interact constructively with that patient in future. So provided you don't almost force him to lock you up, he probably won't want to.

 

[Ash]

Can I second that. One of my nephews is a psychistrist and he tells me that (believe it or not) they don't like locking people up. It's not so much out of consideration for you, as the fact that once they have done that to a patient, it usually makes it much harder for them to interact constructively with that patient in future. So provided you don't almost force him to lock you up, he probably won't want to.

I literally had to beg for admission.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Why would you get locked up? It is very difficult to section someone here - voluntary or otherwise. You have to have absolutely no capacity, and evidently, you do.

Last week I was given the option to either spend hours waiting for the psych team in a hospital, to then discharge me, because I have capacity, or find ways to disctract myself. I know how It goes in hospital, even if you've literally just tried to kill yourself, they will discharge you, as long as you're physically healthy, of course. It's easy to convince them also (just a way I've survived since childhood)

I'm in England, and it really isn't easy to take someone's rights way like that. You really do have to have lost touch with reality, and be unaware of it. They won't section you if you're like that. There's no beds for a start!

Best of luck

 

[Felodese]

Why would you get locked up? It is very difficult to section someone here - voluntary or otherwise. You have to have absolutely no capacity, and evidently, you do.

Last week I was given the option to either spend hours waiting for the psych team in a hospital, to then discharge me, because I have capacity, or find ways to disctract myself. I know how It goes in hospital, even if you've literally just tried to kill yourself, they will discharge you, as long as you're physically healthy, of course. It's easy to convince them also (just a way I've survived since childhood)

I'm in England, and it really isn't easy to take someone's rights way like that. You really do have to have lost touch with reality, and be unaware of it. They won't section you if you're like that. There's no beds for a start!

Best of luck

Where I'm from it is, in my opinion, a bit too easy to get committed, and since I've already been locked up once, they have me down as unstable.
Being actively suicidal is considered a "serious mental illness", i.e. lackning capacity. It has a lot to do with political decicions about having a "zero vision" for suicide, making people a bit fanatical.

Can I second that. One of my nephews is a psychistrist and he tells me that (believe it or not) they don't like locking people up. It's not so much out of consideration for you, as the fact that once they have done that to a patient, it usually makes it much harder for them to interact constructively with that patient in future. So provided you don't almost force him to lock you up, he probably won't want to.

Also a good point. Thanks.