Venting Trying my best, but it's so hard :(

[Squiddy]

I just started back college and math is kicking my ass. I got almost every question wrong on a review test. Luckily it wasn't graded, but damn I feel like an idiot. My motivation and energy levels are also low as hell as it took every bit of strength to open up my laptop to do the test as I was laying down trying to get a nap in before it was time to do the test.

I really hope I don't fail this semester, but I'm so scared because I literally have no energy most days ontop of my cognitive issues and most of my days, I can only go to work (I did drop down to part time so maybe it'll help, but idk).

I also have my programming class to worry about too. I haven't even started that. All the assignments are due in a few days, but I have to do all of them tomorrow because I have work the rest of the days.

I honestly feel like crying. I would drop down to only one class, but that would put my graduation out twice as long and I need to get a good job and escape my emotionally unsupportive family.

I wish I could just ctb and not have to deal with any of this anymore

 

[dandan]

Whoa really Squiddy? That sounds a lot like me back then, I started College for the third time at 24yo
and I was a Super Studen in my early years haha, but because my dad would beat me up if I had a 9, he didnt like 9's
but that was as a child
College? dad away, even so I had so much issues.
Have you ever been medicated? Probably not right?

Im 40 years old now, and I'm just going to start kicking it
3 years ago I recovered, thanks to TRT. Past 3 years have been labeled as Recovery Part I
But now Part II starts, dont ask why unless you really wanna know.

What are you programming? We did JAVA back then.

No energy. Failing. Exercise? Feeling like an idiot. No motivation. Not getting shit done. Feel like crying. CTB. gosh so like me... I didn't exercise back then.

Thanks that i'm better and it cost me 20 years of depression and ugly mood, except for a few almost non-existen moments, sure.

In Mexico you can get a Testosterone Blood Test and get results in 1 day for $60usd including fats and liver check-up too.
Testosterone checkup is a must! Sometimes is nothing but hormones, dont believe me, I paid 20 years for not believing it either. Damm.

ADHD, its so fucking hard for me to believe a doctor's diagnosis, they want the weekly or bi-weekly checkup and give you the prescription. $50usd for the doctor and $40 for the montlypills
thats my current cocktail, and never been better. 3 years on testo removed the ctb thoughts since week 1, however they told me gym was a must, so I joined the gym and grew pretty strong the first year, but then Covid came, and I was doing nothing almost a years, and I have 1 year running now. Daily. with 7 pair of good shoes, because thats my hobby. I dont even have a good kitchen, now I will save for the kitchen.

I've been working for 5 years
but last 3 years were better, and today? Much better.
Wish you find your trick too

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound stressful and tiring what you are going through, it must be overwhelming. Life does just seem to be endless problems and suffering for so many people and it's understandable wanting to be free from it all. I wish you relief.

 

[Cathy Ames]

Hey Squiddy. I just want to let you know that I am very impressed by you. You're still trying, even though you have all of these issues working against you. I am wondering if there would be any possible way to decrease the amount that you are working?

All the assignments are due in a few days, but I have to do all of them tomorrow because I have work the rest of the days.

This situation would be stressful and difficult, even for some high-functioning folks.

 

[Squiddy]

Whoa really Squiddy? That sounds a lot like me back then, I started College for the third time at 24yo
and I was a Super Studen in my early years haha, but because my dad would beat me up if I had a 9, he didnt like 9's
but that was as a child
College? dad away, even so I had so much issues.
Have you ever been medicated? Probably not right?

Im 40 years old now, and I'm just going to start kicking it
3 years ago I recovered, thanks to TRT. Past 3 years have been labeled as Recovery Part I
But now Part II starts, dont ask why unless you really wanna know.

What are you programming? We did JAVA back then.

No energy. Failing. Exercise? Feeling like an idiot. No motivation. Not getting shit done. Feel like crying. CTB. gosh so like me... I didn't exercise back then.

Thanks that i'm better and it cost me 20 years of depression and ugly mood, except for a few almost non-existen moments, sure.

In Mexico you can get a Testosterone Blood Test and get results in 1 day for $60usd including fats and liver check-up too.
Testosterone checkup is a must! Sometimes is nothing but hormones, dont believe me, I paid 20 years for not believing it either. Damm.

ADHD, its so fucking hard for me to believe a doctor's diagnosis, they want the weekly or bi-weekly checkup and give you the prescription. $50usd for the doctor and $40 for the montlypills
thats my current cocktail, and never been better. 3 years on testo removed the ctb thoughts since week 1, however they told me gym was a must, so I joined the gym and grew pretty strong the first year, but then Covid came, and I was doing nothing almost a years, and I have 1 year running now. Daily. with 7 pair of good shoes, because thats my hobby. I dont even have a good kitchen, now I will save for the kitchen.

I've been working for 5 years
but last 3 years were better, and today? Much better.
Wish you find your trick too

I am medicated, but I think one of my meds is making me tired. I slept 13 hours and I'm still tired and struggling to open my laptop to do my assignments. I might take work off tonight to sleep a little longer and hopefully I can get my assignments done.

The programming language I have to start is Python

Hey Squiddy. I just want to let you know that I am very impressed by you. You're still trying, even though you have all of these issues working against you. I am wondering if there would be any possible way to decrease the amount that you are working?

This situation would be stressful and difficult, even for some high-functioning folks.

I did ask to only work 3 days a week and that's starting next week. For college, I'm thinking about dropping to only 1 class

 

[LaVieEnRose]

When it comes to math you lose it if you don't use it. You're not an idiot if you have forgotten some things. I think it will come back to you if you start refreshing your memory.

 

[Squiddy]

I ended up dropping to one class as 2 was just too much. I got up early and worked on assignments for about 9 hours straight and I'm still not done yet. Also I forgot most of what was in the assignments/lessons so looks like I'll be spending more hours on it.

I also fucked up on 2 assignments and I'm freaking out a little because my professor will probably think I'm the biggest idiot

I wish I could get over my SI...

 

[Hollowillow]

I just started back college and math is kicking my ass. I got almost every question wrong on a review test. Luckily it wasn't graded, but damn I feel like an idiot. My motivation and energy levels are also low as hell as it took every bit of strength to open up my laptop to do the test as I was laying down trying to get a nap in before it was time to do the test.

I really hope I don't fail this semester, but I'm so scared because I literally have no energy most days ontop of my cognitive issues and most of my days, I can only go to work (I did drop down to part time so maybe it'll help, but idk).

I also have my programming class to worry about too. I haven't even started that. All the assignments are due in a few days, but I have to do all of them tomorrow because I have work the rest of the days.

I honestly feel like crying. I would drop down to only one class, but that would put my graduation out twice as long and I need to get a good job and escape my emotionally unsupportive family.

I wish I could just ctb and not have to deal with any of this anymore

Squiddy! I think we met and I remember you? I can't even watch tv... Vitamin b helps heal my brain damage & give me energy. You need rest... Don't feel like a failure if you fail or need longer... The body isn't "motivated" when exhausted & at death's door. Don't do your best. Just try to pass. No employer look at grades. And if you fail because you prioritized your health, you fail at school but you win at life.

I'm sorry that you have crappy parents too. If they are unsuportive but not mentally violent... Feel free to stay home to save on rent. Or get roomates in a dorm?

 

[makethepainstop]

I just started back college and math is kicking my ass. I got almost every question wrong on a review test. Luckily it wasn't graded, but damn I feel like an idiot. My motivation and energy levels are also low as hell as it took every bit of strength to open up my laptop to do the test as I was laying down trying to get a nap in before it was time to do the test.

I really hope I don't fail this semester, but I'm so scared because I literally have no energy most days ontop of my cognitive issues and most of my days, I can only go to work (I did drop down to part time so maybe it'll help, but idk).

I also have my programming class to worry about too. I haven't even started that. All the assignments are due in a few days, but I have to do all of them tomorrow because I have work the rest of the days.

I honestly feel like crying. I would drop down to only one class, but that would put my graduation out twice as long and I need to get a good job and escape my emotionally unsupportive family.

I wish I could just ctb and not have to deal with any of this anymore

Sometimes our families make us want to flee to another planet if not to a different universe. I have been right where you are at. Algebra was never my strong suit either.

 

[Squiddy]

Squiddy! I think we met and I remember you? I can't even watch tv... Vitamin b helps heal my brain damage & give me energy. You need rest... Don't feel like a failure if you fail or need longer... The body isn't "motivated" when exhausted & at death's door. Don't do your best. Just try to pass. No employer look at grades. And if you fail because you prioritized your health, you fail at school but you win at life.

I'm sorry that you have crappy parents too. If they are unsuportive but not mentally violent... Feel free to stay home to save on rent. Or get roomates in a dorm?

My watch ended up telling me I slept 16 hours a few days ago and I was still tired afterwards. The only thing that somewhat woke me up was my Adderall.

I'm hoping I can leave my house situation in a year, but idk

Sometimes our families make us want to flee to another planet if not to a different universe. I have been right where you are at. Algebra was never my strong suit either.

I was okay with algebra, but the class I was signed up for was pre calc and I ended up dropping it because it was too much