Try, and try again ...

[CTB Fella]

My last serious overdose was last March.

I was so close to death, and did die a few times. I was as close to death as humanly possible.

I'm sick of existing, and the only person who loved me unconditionally was/is my nan, who sadly passed late last year.

I now have no family, friends, support network, or anyone else.

I stockpiled a load of tablets, and went out to overdose, but couldn't do it (SI, and the fear of the aforementioned serious overdose.)

Went out again, a week later, and tried again: Once again, SI took over.

Third week, and I managed to do it. I was in a pub, by myself (just wanted to be around people) and the next thing I remember is being in hospital.

My chest is still killing me, so they must have performed CPR.

Anyway, that was about three weeks ago.

On Friday, I drove to the Humber Bridge, absolutely intending to jump, but I have to admit, I got scared. Went for a pint, tying to trigger myself, but it wasn't happening. I drove home, feeling a complete and utter coward.

However, I'm now intending to go back there ( I'll take trains, this time) and try again.

My point being/question is, do you believe that the more you do something, the more fearless you become?

I need to get this done.

I've had enough.

 

[Mi Mi]

My last serious overdose was last March.

I was so close to death, and did die a few times. I was as close to death as humanly possible.

I'm sick of existing, and the only person who loved me unconditionally was/is my nan, who sadly passed late last year.

I now have no family, friends, support network, or anyone else.

I stockpiled a load of tablets, and went out to overdose, but couldn't do it (SI, and the fear of the aforementioned serious overdose.)

Went out again, a week later, and tried again: Once again, SI took over.

Third week, and I managed to do it. I was in a pub, by myself (just wanted to be around people) and the next thing I remember is being in hospital.

My chest is still killing me, so they must have performed CPR.

Anyway, that was about three weeks ago.

On Friday, I drove to the Humber Bridge, absolutely intending to jump, but I have to admit, I got scared. Went for a pint, tying to trigger myself, but it wasn't happening. I drove home, feeling a complete and utter coward.

However, I'm now intending to go back there ( I'll take trains, this time) and try again.

My point being/question is, do you believe that the more you do something, the more fearless you become?

I need to get this done.

I've had enough.

I definitely relate to feeling like a failure.
But I do believe the more you try the less fear you have.
I'm hoping that for myself.
Hoping my last attempt will be my final successful attempt.
I hope you get what you need too.

 

[iloverachel]

I am sorry for the loss of your nan, as well as how suicidal and alone you feel
I hope you find the peace you deserve
Best wishes
As to answer your question, I do believe the more times you try the more fearless you would be
As to answer your question, I do believe the more times you try the more fearless you would be