Venting Trust.

[Darkmoon Queen]

How do people just go through life trusting others?

All of my friends have screwed me over, disappeared or both. Romantic partners, it's as though they lovebomb me and then I get to watch them like me less and less until eventually it's outright abuse and they admit it was all a lie. I can set my watch by this shit and I'm so bored.

But it isn't just me. How do neurotypicals go through life KEEPING these treacherous pieces of shit around? "FRIENDS SINCE SCHOOL ^_^" yeah you constantly fuck each other over, how is that enviable or any kind of friendship. I might be a loner but I'm not a fucking cuck (mostly). You all appear at each others' parties and you have all these photos and they're all just fucking lies but you get lauded as a functioning member of society for it anyway, as if you passed the unspoken test.

I don't know how I'm meant to just be okay with this shit and 'omg just fix it'. No, I won't, I refuse to overfunction for someone I have to constantly look over my shoulder with. Even the highly edited version of me is rejected, I can't function within this system.

 

[ChobaniFlipSmores]

For me, two things.

1. I have ADHD and difficulty with remembering to take past events into account when making future decisions, especially on the issue of trust.
2. I'm a bit of an idealist/romantic and get attached too quickly. Essentially I ignore the bad because the good is so important to me.

Honestly, the combination of 1&2 and the feeling that I won't be able to change this part of me is a huge contributor to why I want to CTB. My life is going to probably suck if I continue to trust everyone so easily and have my idealist mindset with regards to friendships and relationships.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

For me, two things.

1. I have ADHD and difficulty with remembering to take past events into account when making future decisions, especially on the issue of trust.
2. I'm a bit of an idealist/romantic and get attached too quickly. Essentially I ignore the bad because the good is so important to me.

Honestly, the combination of 1&2 and the feeling that I won't be able to change this part of me is a huge contributor to why I want to CTB. My life is going to probably suck if I continue to trust everyone so easily and have my idealist mindset with regards to friendships and relationships.

Those two are me as well and yeah, a huge contributing factor to my wanting to ctb. Well, I'm not diagnosed ADHD but I had it flung at me once because my emotions can change quickly. I don't know if there's any validity to that statement but none of my therapists suggested it to me.

I think I'm succeeding in flipping this on its head though (i.e. love myself enough to demand a lot more 'good' and almost no 'bad') but what then? People are no less shitty. And I don't want to try again, I can't just keep investing and getting shat on.

 

[Midgardsorm]

I can't argue with that.

Ive been a loner my entire life but I usually tend to befriend other "loners".

One I met in fifth grade. We were friends, we are friends. I don't blame him for anything. But we had a group chat on Whatsapp that we used to share funny memes and videos. I was a part of the group for like 1 year.
Then earlier this year I developed a breathing condition that let me completely broken, without the ability of joke around nor find anything funny and I just became mute in the group. In less than one month of not saying anything, he kicked me out of the group for not participating. He didn't even said anything. When I asked he were like "Oh but you're not active" I didn't want to be put back in the group but I found it funny how he didn't even asked Why I were not active.
Even funnier, it was march, he haven't spoke to me ever since.

Again, I don't blame him. I'm depressed and he is not. Hell he formed a band and he is kinda famous now.
But again, trust sometimes are easily broken.

I could say "He don't need me now that he is famous, everyone wants to be friends with him" but I don't want to think bad about him.
But still, that really made me feel like crap.

Most people that I knew already moved on with their lives. They were all loners, like me. And now they are not. I'm not needed anymore.
That's how it is.

 

[ChobaniFlipSmores]

Your comment on loving yourself so you make better choices, Bravo!.... that's exactly what my therapist said I need to do.

I don't understand your point about people being no less shitty. At least for me the point of loving yourself means to make better choices to have healthier friendships and to not make relationship choices that you know will be bad. As far as people being no less shitty, doesn't this means that you are removing the shittier people from your life?

But I get it, heartbreak is devistating. Yet, I would rather be dead than give up on "love". Lol...so I guess we'll find out if I commit suicide which platform won.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I can't argue with that.

Ive been a loner my entire life but I usually tend to befriend other "loners".

One I met in fifth grade. We were friends, we are friends. I don't blame him for anything. But we had a group chat on Whatsapp that we used to share funny memes and videos. I was a part of the group for like 1 year.
Then earlier this year I developed a breathing condition that let me completely broken, without the ability of joke around nor find anything funny and I just became mute in the group. In less than one month of not saying anything, he kicked me out of the group for not participating. He didn't even said anything. When I asked he were like "Oh but you're not active" I didn't want to be put back in the group but I found it funny how he didn't even asked Why I were not active.
Even funnier, it was march, he haven't spoke to me ever since.

Again, I don't blame him. I'm depressed and he is not. Hell he formed a band and he is kinda famous now.
But again, trust sometimes are easily broken.

I could say "He don't need me now that he is famous, everyone wants to be friends with him" but I don't want to think bad about him.
But still, that really made me feel like crap.

Most people that I knew already moved on with their lives. They were all loners, like me. And now they are not. I'm not needed anymore.
That's how it is.

That's awful but not altogether surprising. It's funny how quickly people forget who was ACTUALLY there for them when better opportunities come along. Ten years ago, I had one friend and we had no others. Then they met a new group and started shit-talking me to them before disappearing. Right now, another person I met a few years back, we used to confide in each other all the time but now things are going better for them, they've also disappeared. I've noticed that I quickly get devalued and discarded whenever a new person appears which has just tanked my confidence and increased my anxiety.

Your comment on loving yourself so you make better choices, Bravo!.... that's exactly what my therapist said I need to do.

I don't understand your point about people being no less shitty. At least for me the point of loving yourself means to make better choices to have healthier friendships and to not make relationship choices that you know will be bad. As far as people being no less shitty, doesn't this means that you are removing the shittier people from your life?

But I get it, heartbreak is devistating. Yet, I would rather be dead than give up on "love". Lol...so I guess we'll find out if I commit suicide which platform won.

On paper, it does mean to have healthier choices but.. I'm not sure they exist for me and now, for the first time in my life, I'm too afraid to open up anymore.

 

[FuneralCry]

I never trust others. All people are naturally selfish anyway. I do not see it as a good thing being too trusting. People can betray you and let you down.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I never trust others. All people are naturally selfish anyway. I do not see it as a good thing being too trusting. People can betray you and let you down.

I was dumb enough to think that love might neutralise that. NOPE.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I cant risk getting too close to anybody because once they know me deeply they will not stick around. I have no friends now nor the prospects of making any new friendships. I accepted that I will always be alone and friendless. I didnt want this outcome but my past experiences proved to me that I am the problem and not so much the others. I had few good friends though but life took them away and we never kept in touch. If I will ctb there is no need for me to think much about this subject as it just makes me feel worse about myself. Good friendships are sweet thing to have though, they really make people feel so much better. I dont think a life can be that great without having close confidants that you can trust. I guess not all of us are lucky to have that

 

[ChobaniFlipSmores]

Wow, am I the only optimist here?

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I cant risk getting too close to anybody because once they know me deeply they will not stick around.

Same but I don't know why. They say I'm negative - as if they never are - but I think the truth is I've been too damn good to them and too available whenever THEY'VE wanted to whine about some shit (no, I never voiced that). I look at who I get left for and it's always liars and flakes so whatever. Whine to them if they're so good.

I have no friends now nor the prospects of making any new friendships. I accepted that I will always be alone and friendless. I didnt want this outcome but my past experiences proved to me that I am the problem and not so much the others. I had few good friends though but life took them away and we never kept in touch. If I will ctb there is no need for me to think much about this subject as it just makes me feel worse about myself. Good friendships are sweet thing to have though, they really make people feel so much better. I dont think a life can be that great without having close confidants that you can trust. I guess not all of us are lucky to have that

If I could get over people in general, I think I'd feel a lot better. I also don't buy into "life happens". People make time for what matters to them. Funny they'll come back if all the other options drop through.

Wow, am I the only optimist here?

In this regard, yeah. I'm too busy being an optimist for others, I'd rather just.. be safely negative and perhaps more honest here.

 

[Midgardsorm]

Wow, am I the only optimist here?

 

[Ash]

Growing up, I learned to not trust people. Tried to overcome it in my late teens and twenties but everyone I've met since then has taught me that trusting is too dangerous, whether they mean it or not.

 

[netrezven]

Trust in business is easy, tip top. Whenever someone might ever think to betray me, I'm gone long before that happened. And making sure to work with people who at least have some functioning survival insticts, makes things easier too. I don't trust stupid people for sure, cause they can't make logic desigions and always forsee only problems with such, no matter what i do.
I don't lie when i make business directly. I don't lie around people too, don't need to.
Got rid of alot of "friends", keep distance from relatives. I don't consider relatives part of what i call "my family" at all.
Everyone i know except for my inner circle will lie and betray me for any kind of stupid reasons they have, most of the time is just jelousy related.
So to stay happy and get the justice i want for myself, i compensate all of their tini tiny shit with my business. Ya we f*ck up alot with stupid people and it feels really good. Every time someone tried something that made me mad, sad or whatever i compensate with their money, not directlry.

 

[ChobaniFlipSmores]

Lol... that's probably why I'm here.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

Growing up, I learned to not trust people. Tried to overcome it in my late teens and twenties but everyone I've met since then has taught me that trusting is too dangerous, whether they mean it or not.

In my late teens and twenties, I sort of papered over the cracks by making myself drop dead gorgeous. Men openly drooled over me and even most women seemed to like me more (barring the ones that blanked me). It was a kind of attention I'd never had before and I told myself that maybe the bad times were over. But I still wasn't getting anywhere and people would still disrespect me and leave. I inspired a lot of lust and limerence but nothing real and now I feel that most people genuinely have no soul and I was fucking stupid and too high on my own hype to realise.

Trust in business is easy, tip top. Whenever someone might ever think to betray me, I'm gone long before that happened. And making sure to work with people who at least have some functioning survival insticts, makes things easier too. I don't trust stupid people for sure, cause they can't make logic desigions and always forsee only problems with such, no matter what i do.
I don't lie when i make business directly. I don't lie around people too, don't need to.
Got rid of alot of "friends", keep distance from relatives. I don't consider relatives part of what i call "my family" at all.
Everyone i know except for my inner circle will lie and betray me for any kind of stupid reasons they have, most of the time is just jelousy related.
So to stay happy and get the justice i want for myself, i compensate all of their tini tiny shit with my business. Ya we f*ck up alot with stupid people and it feels really good. Every time someone tried something that made me mad, sad or whatever i compensate with their money, not directlry.

I operate in much the same way. I don't trust overly emotional people because they're manipulative and when I catch it one too many times, I warn and then I leave.

I thought I was making good decisions, kind of like not consuming too much sugar in a diet, but as it turns out, 'normal' people keep destructive people around all the time and this is somehow meaningful. I can't work that out, they have such low standards.

I wouldn't even know what kind of business to run, hah. I'm a good worker but I don't think I'm innovative enough to go it alone.

 

[Rogue Proxy]

How do people just go through life trusting others?

All of my friends have screwed me over, disappeared or both. Romantic partners, it's as though they lovebomb me and then I get to watch them like me less and less until eventually it's outright abuse and they admit it was all a lie. I can set my watch by this shit and I'm so bored.

But it isn't just me. How do neurotypicals go through life KEEPING these treacherous pieces of shit around? "FRIENDS SINCE SCHOOL ^_^" yeah you constantly fuck each other over, how is that enviable or any kind of friendship. I might be a loner but I'm not a fucking cuck (mostly). You all appear at each others' parties and you have all these photos and they're all just fucking lies but you get lauded as a functioning member of society for it anyway, as if you passed the unspoken test.

I don't know how I'm meant to just be okay with this shit and 'omg just fix it'. No, I won't, I refuse to overfunction for someone I have to constantly look over my shoulder with. Even the highly edited version of me is rejected, I can't function within this system.

Humans, especially neurotypicals, readily trusting members of their species derives from a combination of various factors: fear of solitude, society's negative treatment of loners and outcasts; conformity, social cohesion, neurological structuring that motivates and facilitates human interactions and connections; instinctual and conditioned pleasure and desire for human interactions; and an assortment of narratives extolling the values of friendship, love, family, forgiveness, community, the "goodness" of humanity, and of course, trusting others.

Another variable is altriciality. Humans are classified as an altricial species due to their infants being born underdeveloped, highly vulnerable, and in turn, highly dependent on their caretakers. Their traits for altriciality include limited mobility, very weak vision, mostly hairless, incapable of feeding themselves, and the extended time of development. Interestingly, altricial animal species have the trade-off of being born with underdeveloped brains relative to their body size, yet their brains rapidly develop and are highly adaptable and versatile in learning, problem-solving, and memory.

This all boils down to the deep-seated mantra of "connect or suffer/die" since infancy. And results in most humans readily clinging onto anyone who bestows them a modicum of (positive) attention, protection, or other benefits that increase their survival and ability to thrive.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

Humans, especially neurotypicals, readily trusting members of their species derives from a combination of various factors: fear of solitude, society's negative treatment of loners and outcasts; conformity, social cohesion, neurological structuring that motivates and facilitates human interactions and connections; instinctual and conditioned pleasure and desire for human interactions; and an assortment of narratives extolling the values of friendship, love, family, forgiveness, community, the "goodness" of humanity, and of course, trusting others.

Another variable is altriciality. Humans are classified as an altricial species due to their infants being born underdeveloped, highly vulnerable, and in turn, highly dependent on their caretakers. Their traits for altriciality include limited mobility, very weak vision, mostly hairless, incapable of feeding themselves, and the extended time of development. Interestingly, altricial animal species have the trade-off of being born with underdeveloped brains relative to their body size, yet their brains rapidly develop and are highly adaptable and versatile in learning, problem-solving, and memory.

This all boils down to the deep-seated mantra of "connect or suffer/die" since infancy. And results in most humans readily clinging onto anyone who bestows them a modicum of (positive) attention, protection, or other benefits that increase their survival and ability to thrive.

I wish I could rate this post "Informative". I also wish I'd just continued to read instead of looking up "altriciality" as soon as you said it, haha

It's true, I've always held that neurotypicals fear ostracisation so much that they'll go along with any fucked up shit suggested to them (eg. Nazi Germany) and will wield it as the most potent weapon in their arsenal (spreading rumours, etc). Women do this overtly a lot more than men because they place a lot more importance on being accepted but it's still everywhere.

I guess prolonged ill treatment has given me the opposite survival instinct; to not trust people with obviously weak convictions. If you're a person who does a 180 whenever someone 'better' walks into the room, you've instantly outed yourself as a viper to me. And I might not say anything in the moment but I'm now watching you very carefully.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I guess prolonged ill treatment has given me the opposite survival instinct; to not trust people with obviously weak convictions. If you're a person who does a 180 whenever someone 'better' walks into the room, you've instantly outed yourself as a viper to me. And I might not say anything in the moment but I'm now watching you very carefully.

This is so true

 

[Rogue Proxy]

I wish I could rate this post "Informative". I also wish I'd just continued to read instead of looking up "altriciality" as soon as you said it, haha

It's true, I've always held that neurotypicals fear ostracisation so much that they'll go along with any fucked up shit suggested to them (eg. Nazi Germany) and will wield it as the most potent weapon in their arsenal (spreading rumours, etc). Women do this overtly a lot more than men because they place a lot more importance on being accepted but it's still everywhere.

I guess prolonged ill treatment has given me the opposite survival instinct; to not trust people with obviously weak convictions. If you're a person who does a 180 whenever someone 'better' walks into the room, you've instantly outed yourself as a viper to me. And I might not say anything in the moment but I'm now watching you very carefully.

I'd rather be stuck in a room with a real viperid than a viperous human. At least snakes strike only out of self-defense, often warn you not to approach, usually prefer slithering away and hiding from humans over striking; and are much easier to avoid. A human, on the other hand, can and will attack, relentlessly pursue, and even kill anyone for the pettiest reasons. Of course, I would happily prefer the company of any nonvenomous, nonaggressive snake over the most "affable" human.

Most humans regard solitude as the most terrifying fate, and dying alone and unknown as the most heinous death. Again, this fuels their motives for latching onto even the most toxic individuals and groups.

I surmise that many neurodivergents have weak or even nonexistent social wiring, instincts, and drive. This often results in higher individuality, independence, creativity, intelligence, nonconformity, logic, curiosity, perceptivity, and/or better self-understanding. It also greatly hinders society's ability to influence, manipulate, dominate, control, or exploit low-social and asocial individuals. However, many other neurodivergents can be too trusting and/or too dependent on human acceptance due to various impairments with human interactions (including communication) and being greatly disadvantaged in the anthropocentric world. These individuals are highly vulnerable to being used, abused, neglected, and mistreated more frequently.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I'd rather be stuck in a room with a real viperid than a viperous human. At least snakes strike only out of self-defense, often warn you not to approach, usually prefer slithering away and hiding from humans over striking; and are much easier to avoid. A human, on the other hand, can and will attack, relentlessly pursue, and even kill anyone for the pettiest reasons. Of course, I would happily prefer the company of any nonvenomous, nonaggressive snake over the most "affable" human.

This is a big part of what makes life unbearable for me. It's undeniable fact and I've no idea how 'healthy' people navigate it. I dunno, do they all just come in armed so that neither party shoots first? Or so that when one party does shoot, there's an immediate return fire to make them rethink doing it again? It sounds like absolute hell.

Imagine having 'friends' who only don't attack you because you're both war ready. No sense of genuine warmth, just a clinical assessment of,
1) what does this person offer me and how do they boost my status,
2) how dangerous is this person? I don't want them to destroy me but I also can't respect them if they're a pussy.

It's as if people make these calculations in an instant and everything is done in bad faith.

Most humans regard solitude as the most terrifying fate, and dying alone and unknown as the most heinous death. Again, this fuels their motives for latching onto even the most toxic individuals and groups.

An experiment was done whereby people were offered a choice; administer painful but harmless shocks to yourself or sit alone in a room for twenty minutes.

They all chose the shocks.

I shudder to think what is in their heads that they can't sit with for a mere twenty minutes. I've sat on the toilet longer than that.

Hell, I personally know people who can't cope with being alone for the day and freak out if no one has messaged them in the morning. Never understood that level of neediness.

I surmise that many neurodivergents have weak or even nonexistent social wiring, instincts, and drive. This often results in higher individuality, independence, creativity, intelligence, nonconformity, logic, curiosity, and/or better self-understanding. It also greatly hinders society's ability to influence, manipulate, dominate, control, or exploit low-social and asocial individuals. However, many other neurodivergents can be too trusting and/or too dependent on human acceptance due to various impairments with human interactions (including communication) and being greatly disadvantaged in the anthropocentric world. These individuals are highly vulnerable to being used, abused, neglected, and mistreated more frequently.

This is excellently summed up. Personally, I'm very resistant to trends and outside influences but I've made the horrible mistake of basically throwing myself at anyone who was nice to me for two minutes because of how starving for warmth I am.

Not starving enough to start following trends, though... ...it's odd. I guess in the end I place higher importance on truth than on acceptance, no matter how that has ruined me.

 

[Snake of Eden]

However, many other neurodivergents can be too trusting and/or too dependent on human acceptance due to various impairments with human interactions (including communication) and being greatly disadvantaged in the anthropocentric world. These individuals are highly vulnerable to being used, abused, neglected, and mistreated more frequently.

This is me. I am ND but from the weak and vulnerable kind with no strengths. It sucks because it is almost impossible to exist in our world like this. Ctb is a merciful solution

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

This is me. I am ND but from the weak and vulnerable kind with no strengths. It sucks because it is almost impossible to exist in our world like this. Ctb is a merciful solution

I don't know if I'm officially ND but I fucking must be. I can't relate to anybody.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I don't know if I'm officially ND but I fucking must be. I can't relate to anybody.

If you feel that way then you must be. Thats good enough imo

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

If you feel that way then you must be. Thats good enough imo

I dunno, I just.. I feel like when I speak, it goes through some fucking normie filter and they end up shadowboxing something I didn't even insinuate. I used to bend over backwards to explain what I actually meant but I've finally realised that if they continually stay on the same course, they mean to argue.

I go back and forth between wondering if I have Asperger's or if I was just poorly socialised. Seems 50/50.

Alternatively, why is it never their responsibility for being so fucking vicious, why am I assigning myself the responsibility??

 

[Snake of Eden]

I dunno, I just.. I feel like when I speak, it goes through some fucking normie filter and they end up shadowboxing something I didn't even insinuate. I used to bend over backwards to explain what I actually meant but I've finally realised that if they continually stay on the same course, they mean to argue.

I go back and forth between wondering if I have Asperger's or if I was just poorly socialised. Seems 50/50.

I prefer the term neurodivergent over aspergers because it covers broader aspects. Bare in mind that ND presents very uniquely to every individual. There are commonalities but the theme of social struggle and alternate manners of thinking comes first. You dont have to be having meltdowns or strictly follow routines to be classified as ND. In my opinion you are the best to judge if you have it than being formally diagnosed by a specialist. I think best is that you check videos of good youtube channel mindful divergence and see for yourself how ND can present and relate based on it

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I prefer the term neurodivergent over aspergers because it covers broader aspects. Bare in mind that ND presents very uniquely to every individual. There are commonalities but the theme of social struggle and alternate manners of thinking comes first. You dont have to be having meltdowns or strictly follow routines to be classified as ND. In my opinion you are the best to judge if you have it than being formally diagnosed by a specialist. I think best is that you check videos of good youtube channel mindful divergence and see for yourself how ND can present and relate based on it

I hadn't thought of doing that. Thank you.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I really don't feel like I can trust anybody including myself but sometimes it really just gets exhausting being on guard all the time and paranoid so I try to put my trust in whatever media I might be consuming even though I know that everyone is biased and/or has got an agenda. At the very least I can trust in that fact.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I really don't feel like I can trust anybody including myself but sometimes it really just gets exhausting being on guard all the time and paranoid so I try to put my trust in whatever media I might be consuming even though I know that everyone is biased and/or has got an agenda. At the very least I can trust in that fact.

If you can't drug yourself through people, you have to find something else. I dig it.

 

[Rogue Proxy]

I prefer the term neurodivergent over aspergers because it covers broader aspects. Bare in mind that ND presents very uniquely to every individual. There are commonalities but the theme of social struggle and alternate manners of thinking comes first. You dont have to be having meltdowns or strictly follow routines to be classified as ND. In my opinion you are the best to judge if you have it than being formally diagnosed by a specialist. I think best is that you check videos of good youtube channel mindful divergence and see for yourself how ND can present and relate based on it

Yes, there is far more to neurodiversity than just autism spectrum disorder. Neurodiversity focuses on a wide range of neurodevelopmental conditions that deviate from neurologically-typical humans, like ADD, ADHD, dyslexia, Down's Syndrome, Tourette's Syndrome, synesthesia, OCD, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and dyspraxia.