"Truly suicidal people don't tell anyone they're going to CTB"

[exiled]

Have you ever been told this by someone when you told them you're feeling suicidal? It's an annoying phrase, and it's always the people who parade being pro suicide prevention that silence people from even talking about it.

 

[Abyssal]

I hate when people say that, but I have never gotten it personally. Similarly, when I tried my luck with the suicide hotline, the lady on the other end told me how the fact that I was reaching out meant I wanted to live.

No, I didn't want to live. I wanted a miracle cure to get better so my family wouldn't have to pay for my funeral.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

It's defo not true. I've talked about CTB with my family and I still plan to do it!

 

[Aim]

Would probably be easier to tell more people about it if it wasn't as stigmatized. I told some of my friends. I could tell it made them uncomfy.

 

[nozomu]

Definitely not true. I wouldn't tell anyone beforehand who I thought would foil me but there are people I love and respect who need to know my departure isn't their fault.

 

[ViscaBarca]

That person would probably be my mom, fucking hell

 

[ljknljnlkjn]

I got told this on Reddit once and while I don't think it's true, it made me realize that I still never want to talk about it with anyone.

I'll either get my shit together and live, or fail and go peacefully. The thing I want to avoid the most is fighting to die while people insist I'm crazy and try to hold me back, all while telling me "if you did want to die, you wouldn't have told us"

 

[Rev346]

I think there's some truth to it. I don't tell people because I don't want to get sent to the psych ward or get nagged/talked down to. Most people won't calm down to have a rational conversation so they just tell or guilt trip me. Easier to just stay quiet. That's one thing so nice about this forum; we can talk openly.

 

[FallingGrace]

I think there's a big difference between telling someone you're suicidal and you want help or you just wanted to let that person know so it's not shocking when you leave versus telling someone "I'm at x location about to commit suicide at y time, hint hint, come save me"

 

[new2blue]

I suppose it's true that sometimes people open up as a cry for help. On the other hand though, for those with strong connections to loved ones, it could also come from a place of wanting them to understand why the decision is being made. If people felt life was bearable, they would not consider CTB. It's a sad affair. I would love nothing more than to open up to the people in my life, but they would never understand, and it would obviously hurt them deeply. This is the only place I can be honest about it. It definately helps to be among others who are also at this point in life.

 

[jbear824]

@original post, it's a lie pro-life people tell themselves to rationalize it in their heads.

I joke, out loud all the time about killing myself and people just think I'm being an asshole lol.

Just they wait and see lol. I'll be dead in the near future I think. Probably within the next year or two definitely.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Personally, I think most people do reach out to others, only to slip back into silence if they don't receive support or receive interventions that make things worse (being involuntarily detained in a ward and things of that ilk.)

Several people I was close to who ctb did reach out to loved ones, health services, friends, etc multiple times, and were met with judgement because their suicidal ideation persisted, or they were placed in wards so many times that they were terrified of being sent back.

It only seems that those who have gone through with the act are silent, because they've often been forced to mask their problems, and because society tends to view chronically suicidal people as "boy who cried wolf" cases rather than believing that a person can feel this way inexorably, outside of the typical temporary vacuum of a crisis which is thrust forward in the public as the dominant narrative.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

People want to have their cake and shove it in their face at the same time. They don't want to entertain any talk of suicide but after the fact bemoan the lack of closure or the fact that the deceased didn't come to them.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I think there's some truth to it. I don't tell people because I don't want to get sent to the psych ward or get nagged/talked down to. Most people won't calm down to have a rational conversation so they just tell or guilt trip me. Easier to just stay quiet. That's one thing so nice about this forum; we can talk openly.

My exact thoughts too. For what it's worth, it's not worth it to tell anyone these days which is why a lot of people just don't talk about it because of the fear of being made to feel guilty about it or that their feelings aren't valid regardless because life should be lived no matter what.

People want to have their cake and shove it in their face at the same time. They don't want to entertain any talk of suicide but after the fact bemoan the lack of closure or the fact that the deceased didn't come to them.

Society just doesn't want to discuss this to any level that actually deals with things like this. There's just acknowledgement that there is a suicide crisis out there but anyone who talks about their ideations are met with judgment, guilt and dismissal. It's why a lot of people continually suffer in silence or seek out places like this where it's the only place where they feel safe enough to share their thoughts.

I hate when people say that, but I have never gotten it personally. Similarly, when I tried my luck with the suicide hotline, the lady on the other end told me how the fact that I was reaching out meant I wanted to live.

No, I didn't want to live. I wanted a miracle cure to get better so my family wouldn't have to pay for my funeral.

So it's either you reach out meaning you want to live or you don't reach meaning you want to die. It's insane how this standard is supposed to apply at all times.

 

[Specific_Milk]

This social stigma is precisely what pushes alot of people to close up even more. That's why there are so many cases of 'oh that was a total surprise! We didn't see any signs!'

 

[AInilam]

Dumbest most dumb thing I've ever heard someone say. My friend informed me what his intentions were and while I had reasonable doubt, I still took him seriously. Not everyone fits into the idea that you're always happy-go-lucky and that ctb is supposed to come as a total surprise to everyone. Just them bringing it up shows they've been thinking about it and should give reason for alarm.

 

[rileywatson]

I don't plan on telling anyone because I want to be successful, but that doesn't mean that telling people means you don't want to commit suicide.

 

[Yaffle]

I won't tell anybody, ever.

That said, I respect all the opinions above but very much feel this way about myself - I'm not commenting for everyone else saying this.

I've always had it exactly in my mind that talk is talk and means nothing. Why tell people I'm suicidal then I'm still here and they don't take me seriously as an empty threat.

I have to go without telling people first, that's me but you all should do what's right for you, that's all that matters.

 

[almaPerdida]

One acquaintance used to talk about killing himself, and everybody would dismiss it saying "he only wants attention, and that actual suicidal people don't tell the others about their plans". So when he actually tried to kill himself, it caught them off guard. Which doesn't make sense because he would talk about that. He was in the hospital for a while and everybody was concerned, but they weren't when he said he would try.

It's also the reason i never told anyone that i wanted to CTB, because i knew that either they wouldn't take it seriously, or i would end up in the psych ward. None of these seems a good option.

Also our society is afraid to talk about death, even more afraid to talk about suicide. It isn't a easy topic for most people, it's easier to avoid the conversation than face the two hard truths. One being that death gets us all, and the second that some people can't wait for that to happen.

 

[Reuthry]

I remember a girl at high school from my class, she saw my deep cuts on my wrist coincidentally and told me out of nowhere that "You would kill yourself already if you were suicidal." Like what the hell? No one talked to you yet you randomly keep talking about things you have LITERAL NO IDEA of. And she was that "Oh look I am so depressed." type of girl who didn't stop talking about it and yet she wasn't really that depressed, she had friends, she was able to laugh, meanwhile I didn't even had energy to stand up and leave when school finished. I sort of hope that she somehow learns that I killed myself when I am dead, I don't really care about what would she think part, but it wouldn't be bad if she randomly learned that.

 

[Ilovedyoulikeadog]

I understand this , actually. I am afraid to even post my plans on here as I worry that somehow, someone will find my profile and somehow link it to me, and foil all of my plans. I only have one shot at this, and that's it.

 

[Little_Suzy]

I remember a girl at high school from my class, she saw my deep cuts on my wrist coincidentally and told me out of nowhere that "You would kill yourself already if you were suicidal." Like what the hell? No one talked to you yet you randomly keep talking about things you have LITERAL NO IDEA of. And she was that "Oh look I am so depressed." type of girl who didn't stop talking about it and yet she wasn't really that depressed, she had friends, she was able to laugh, meanwhile I didn't even had energy to stand up and leave when school finished. I sort of hope that she somehow learns that I killed myself when I am dead, I don't really care about what would she think part, but it wouldn't be bad if she randomly learned that.

I'm sorry what she said caused you so much pain. Your decision is yours, and don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you thought about her.

I'm only responding because what that girl told you is what people want to tell others when they discuss CTB.

This is why many people remain silent while thinking exactly what that girl told you.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I wonder if these people feel bad when some of those people do CTB. But yeah- it's a really dismissive thing to say. Even if they're right and it's just a 'cry for help'- things have gotten so bad that that person feels the need to threaten suicide to get any kind of attention/ help! So maybe they do actually need help!

It's just ironic really. I think there is more encouragement now to get people to talk about their struggles but- why would they if they are met with that response?!! Plus if those kind of idiots then say- 'We had no idea they were struggling! If only they had told someone!' That would be the cherry on the cake! It would be funny if it wasn't so tragic.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

So when he actually tried to kill himself, it caught them off guard. Which doesn't make sense because he would talk about that. He was in the hospital for a while and everybody was concerned, but they weren't when he said he would try.

It's almost as if people were daring him to do it to see if he was being serious first before actually caring about it.

Also our society is afraid to talk about death, even more afraid to talk about suicide. It isn't a easy topic for most people, it's easier to avoid the conversation than face the two hard truths. One being that death gets us all, and the second that some people can't wait for that to happen.

Yeah, I agree here.

 

[almaPerdida]

It's almost as if people were daring him to do it to see if he was being serious first before actually caring about it.

Exactly, and it's pretty sad because they could've and should've helped him before. I hope he's ok nowadays, haven't anything after he left the hospital.

 

[UKscotty]

Not sure I agree, I don't get why anyone would tell people.

It causes nothing but problems and can only make it more difficult.

If its not a cry for help, what reason is there for telling people? Even on here you have to be careful with specific details as law enforcement will intervene if there is immediate and imminent risk to your life.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Exactly, and it's pretty sad because they could've and should've helped him before. I hope he's ok nowadays, haven't anything after he left the hospital.

Unbelievable how people can do things like this

"Hey, show that you're actually suicidal first then we'll take you seriously but until then, we don't care".

That's basically what that means. Hope he's OK too, no one should ever have to feel that trapped.

Not sure I agree, I don't get why anyone would tell people.

It causes nothing but problems and can only make it more difficult.

Some people do it out of sadness, to not feel like they're carrying this burden alone. I personally wouldn't ever do it because it will cause more problems and put me in a very bad situation.

 

[huggyob]

this has to be perhaps the dumbest self-contradictory statement they can bring up, not only are they assuming all people think alike and what is right for them is right for all, it totally goes against their wishes for suicidal ppl to reach out for help - how do they expect anyone to reach out if all the "help" they're going to be provided with is purely judgmental and the famous "if you're reaching out, that means you want to live" line; the act of caring for those which want to ctb is superficial and merely a response to a social construct.

gl with ur future endevours

 

[LifeCanBeCruel]

I'd like to say goodbye to the people I'm leaving, and explain why I have to do it and answer any questions they have.

It might sound naive, but I'm hoping it would make their loss easier in the longrun.

On the flip side, they might blame themselves more because they knew what I was planning and still failed to stop me.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Imo in most cases it's better when nobody knows about the actual CTB plans anyway for own safety precautions especially in order not to be discovered too early or being disturbed during the attempt.

From this point of view "Truly suicidal people don't tell anyone they're going to CTB" when they are really serious about their plan is the best choice they can make.