Help Trouble with headspace and anxiety.

[dontfearthereaper11]

I have dealt with a lot of anxiety my whole life. Enough to make the tiniest thing drive me crazy and make my chest hurt, my heart race, and feel really nauseous. Dealing with this for most of my life has made it really difficult to want to keep going. It's to the point that something as little as noticing a very slight change in someone I love's behaviour, or a mild convenience at work, or even daring to think about what the future holds for more than a second makes me feel this way. And the only thing that can make me feel better is speaking to my partner, which isn't something that we get to do as often as I'd like.

It has made functioning everyday really difficult, just from a physical stance. It has impacted my performance at work, luckily not enough to catch the attention of my boss (yet). But being at work feels so slow, so if I do feel anxious during the day it drags on and feels like torture. It feels like I'm trapped in my mind a lot and there's no escape from it. I don't know why I get panicky over little things that likely don't matter, I suppose that's how anxiety works. All I know is that it is incredibly frustrating and draining and I have lost a lot of sleep because of it. I average 2-3 hours of sleep every night, work 9 hours a day, and have a lot of obligations outside of work that take a lot of my time. I don't have a lot of time to myself. This wasn't an issue, as I like to think I'm rather durable, but as of late it has been coming to a breaking point.

I'm worried that if it continues to affect me this badly, I might break. But I really don't want to. I have someone who relies on me that I love a lot, and I am going to stay here for. I want to be strong for them. I don't think I will ever go through with ctb, but I just feel incredibly overwhelmed. I don't have any medication as I have very poor insurance at my job and money is on the tight side. But if it comes to that, I'll do pretty much anything. Any advice on how to relieve anxiety from those who experience it?

 

[Live and Let Die]

I'm sorry to hear what your going through. It wasn't as bad for me especially since where I live we have publicly funded healthcare (everyone pays for everyone via taxes). What worked for me was smoking weed, not a lot but just enough to mellow out and relax. I usually do this with friends or outdoors since nature is unreasonably beautiful when you're high. if you don't have access to weed or proper medication then unfortunately I can't help you, despite it being in my best interest. I wish you the best though, for your anxiety and relationship. c:

 

[Sulyya]

I don't like weed or drugs but a friend of mine has very bad anxiety and it helps him. Wish I had advice but I still fight this as well. Reading some stoicism-type philosophy took a bunch off I think.

 

[Live and Let Die]

I don't like week or drugs

There's nothing wrong with that c: I'm glad you found a safer alternative to my solution :')

 

[Sulyya]

There's nothing wrong with that c: I'm glad you found a safer alternative to my solution :')

l just personally don't enjoy it, nothing's really unsafe with adults having weed afaic. It probably does help and would help so many people probably.

 

[Live and Let Die]

nothing's really unsafe with adults having weed afaic

unfortunately you'd be surprised :')

 

[Seven Threads]

Hey there, don't fear the reaper. I gotta be honest, that sounds pretty awful. I honestly don't know what I'd do or how I'd get through it if I had to deal with the same symptoms of anxiety that you do. I've been around people who experience those same exact things (my partner being one of them), so I've seen some of the effects that kind of anxiety can have. Honestly, you sound a -lot- like her. I suspect you'd get along.

This is normally the part of the post where I try to make sense of what you're experiencing and how to deal with it, but I can't really do that here. My own experience is with depression and neurodivergence (autism/adhd), I don't have the knowledge or intuition to develop strategies against a psyche's ability to conjure fear. It just isn't my wheelhouse. But I'm sure that someone here who does have more personal experience dealing with anxiety will be able to provide you with more concrete coping strategies.

Which ties into the one practical piece of advice that I can actually give right now. You seem to me like an intelligent and insightful person. You're aware of your anxiety, and you know how it affects you. At the very least, you've learned not to trust the panic, to doubt the severe fears and insecurities that it makes you feel. You know that those fears lie to you, even if you can't necessarily sort out those lies when you need to. This is already a huge step in the right direction. It may be beneficial to you to have someone in your life who can help you do that. Someone who knows the tricks your mind can play on you, who can help you sort out the legitimate, reasonable fears from the irrational panics your brain can force on you. Or, to put it simply, a friend with anxiety.

I know the common wisdom says that people who share mental health conditions shouldn't be together as they can make each other worse, but I'm not certain this is always true. People who share mental health issues are often able to have a very unique form of empathy, which allows them to identify strongly with each other. Moreover, they often have the insight to actually offer useful advice, and the advantage of an outside perspective. It's a lot easier to see the traps and pitfalls when you're not the one currently caught up in them.

I'm aware that seeking the input and advice of people like this is the entire point of this thread, and that you're already asking for feedback from people who understand anxiety and have strategies to cope with it. What I'm saying is that it may be worth it to take things a step further. If anyone here is able to offer you some good feedback that really resonates with you, it may be worth it to reach out and strike up an actual conversation. I think it could be a benefit to you to have someone like that in your life, even if it's just over the internet, on a more consistent basis.

Which brings me to your partner. Your situations sounds a lot like mine, in the sense that my partner and I both lean heavily on each other to get by. This is a good thing; you should lean on your partner as much as they're willing to allow you to, and trust in their own agency to decide how much of themselves they want to devote to sharing this load. A lot of people who struggle with mental health end up feeling like a burden to their loved ones, and neither myself nor my partner are immune to this. But part of a relationship, part of trust, is allowing those people to decide for themselves whether or not they want to help carry that burden, and respecting that decision if the answer is yes.

But understand that they can't be your everything. This is something my lady and I have discussed multiple times: as desperately as I want to be there for her and to ease her pain, there are going to be things that I can't help her with. She has problems that I don't have answers for, struggles that I can't be a part of (her work stress/boss for instance, I'm not there to fix it), and needs that I will never be able to meet. And the same holds true for me as well, and all she can do is sympathize. We lean on each other hard, we are each the most important person in each others' lives, but neither of us can be all things all the time that the other person needs. This is the other reason why you may need another person in your life that it able to help you make sense of your struggles with anxiety and how to deal with it on a regular basis, especially if that isn't a struggle your partner shares.

Can you think of anyone in your life right now who could potentially fill that capacity? And if not, what do you think of the idea of trying to find someone like that here?

 

[dontfearthereaper11]

Hey there, don't fear the reaper. I gotta be honest, that sounds pretty awful. I honestly don't know what I'd do or how I'd get through it if I had to deal with the same symptoms of anxiety that you do. I've been around people who experience those same exact things (my partner being one of them), so I've seen some of the effects that kind of anxiety can have. Honestly, you sound a -lot- like her. I suspect you'd get along.

This is normally the part of the post where I try to make sense of what you're experiencing and how to deal with it, but I can't really do that here. My own experience is with depression and neurodivergence (autism/adhd), I don't have the knowledge or intuition to develop strategies against a psyche's ability to conjure fear. It just isn't my wheelhouse. But I'm sure that someone here who does have more personal experience dealing with anxiety will be able to provide you with more concrete coping strategies.

Which ties into the one practical piece of advice that I can actually give right now. You seem to me like an intelligent and insightful person. You're aware of your anxiety, and you know how it affects you. At the very least, you've learned not to trust the panic, to doubt the severe fears and insecurities that it makes you feel. You know that those fears lie to you, even if you can't necessarily sort out those lies when you need to. This is already a huge step in the right direction. It may be beneficial to you to have someone in your life who can help you do that. Someone who knows the tricks your mind can play on you, who can help you sort out the legitimate, reasonable fears from the irrational panics your brain can force on you. Or, to put it simply, a friend with anxiety.

I know the common wisdom says that people who share mental health conditions shouldn't be together as they can make each other worse, but I'm not certain this is always true. People who share mental health issues are often able to have a very unique form of empathy, which allows them to identify strongly with each other. Moreover, they often have the insight to actually offer useful advice, and the advantage of an outside perspective. It's a lot easier to see the traps and pitfalls when you're not the one currently caught up in them.

I'm aware that seeking the input and advice of people like this is the entire point of this thread, and that you're already asking for feedback from people who understand anxiety and have strategies to cope with it. What I'm saying is that it may be worth it to take things a step further. If anyone here is able to offer you some good feedback that really resonates with you, it may be worth it to reach out and strike up an actual conversation. I think it could be a benefit to you to have someone like that in your life, even if it's just over the internet, on a more consistent basis.

Which brings me to your partner. Your situations sounds a lot like mine, in the sense that my partner and I both lean heavily on each other to get by. This is a good thing; you should lean on your partner as much as they're willing to allow you to, and trust in their own agency to decide how much of themselves they want to devote to sharing this load. A lot of people who struggle with mental health end up feeling like a burden to their loved ones, and neither myself nor my partner are immune to this. But part of a relationship, part of trust, is allowing those people to decide for themselves whether or not they want to help carry that burden, and respecting that decision if the answer is yes.

But understand that they can't be your everything. This is something my lady and I have discussed multiple times: as desperately as I want to be there for her and to ease her pain, there are going to be things that I can't help her with. She has problems that I don't have answers for, struggles that I can't be a part of (her work stress/boss for instance, I'm not there to fix it), and needs that I will never be able to meet. And the same holds true for me as well, and all she can do is sympathize. We lean on each other hard, we are each the most important person in each others' lives, but neither of us can be all things all the time that the other person needs. This is the other reason why you may need another person in your life that it able to help you make sense of your struggles with anxiety and how to deal with it on a regular basis, especially if that isn't a struggle your partner shares.

Can you think of anyone in your life right now who could potentially fill that capacity? And if not, what do you think of the idea of trying to find someone like that here?

I appreciate your thought out response. It means a lot that someone took time out of their day to try to assist in my problems like you did, so thank you.

Yes, I am rather aware of the problems my anxiety causes me. It is very frustrating to feel rather fine, good even at one moment, just to have it all turn on its head and feel nothing but unbearable worry and weight over something that likely isn't worth the exaggerated response. And despite you not having any direct advice, I appreciate your honesty in you saying that as opposed to some who would give faulty advice in a desperate attempt to help me. That's something I find very frustrating, personally.

Unfortunately, I don't really have many people in my life I can trust; my partner being the only one if I am to be honest. But she isn't the type to truly relate to my problems, despite how much we depend on each other. She helps passively: checking in on me and making sure that I'm feeling okay. And the thought alone, coming from someone that I love dearly, makes me feel okay. She's the respite I have in my life. You do make a good point though. I likely need to seek someone who is a little more understanding of what I'm going through. Although I'm rather poor at engaging directly with others initially.

But I genuinely appreciate you. I've seen some of your other responses here and you always seem to have nothing but goodness and positivity. Hope all is well on your end.