L
lacustra
Member
- Jul 3, 2024
- 23
It was what you call partial hanging. I don't have a thick enough rope yet, so I used two strands of a 4mm nylon rope. It was very painful, even if I wrapped a small towel around the noose part of the rope. There was much pressure inside my head and I didn't feel like I was going to lose consciousness even after a minute. Maybe I need a thicker rope. Anyhow, it shocked me. I thought I could just go ahead and hang myself. It seems I need more resolve and practice.
I don't really have access to any fancy methods like CO, SN, or helium. I can't go with brutal methods like slitting my wrists or jumping in front of a train. Hanging, drowning, or jumping from a high lmace are apparently my only options. Drowning was my original method, but it's also a very unpredictable method. And high places make me very nervous. But I guess, when the pressure reaches critical levels, I won't worry too much about such trivialities.
Living has always been hard for me. Now dying is hard too. But what alternative do I have? This is inevitable. I just want to minimize the suffering.
Maybe I'll have to start looking for a CO meter and a camping tent. It would have been simple enough if I lived alone. Having to keep everything a secret on top of all this pain is horrible. I don't want to be found out. I don't want to humiliate myself anymore. But I have to go through with this. It's my fate.
I don't really have access to any fancy methods like CO, SN, or helium. I can't go with brutal methods like slitting my wrists or jumping in front of a train. Hanging, drowning, or jumping from a high lmace are apparently my only options. Drowning was my original method, but it's also a very unpredictable method. And high places make me very nervous. But I guess, when the pressure reaches critical levels, I won't worry too much about such trivialities.
Living has always been hard for me. Now dying is hard too. But what alternative do I have? This is inevitable. I just want to minimize the suffering.
Maybe I'll have to start looking for a CO meter and a camping tent. It would have been simple enough if I lived alone. Having to keep everything a secret on top of all this pain is horrible. I don't want to be found out. I don't want to humiliate myself anymore. But I have to go through with this. It's my fate.