Sep 21, 2020
so i woke up manic and extremely messed up over my ex. we were together for 4 years. i'm 25 and he's 37, which i've now been told that age gap relationships aren't the best..
he broke up with me in sep, kicked me out of our apartment and i had to give our dog away.
he broke up with me because i was an addict to benzos, heroin, alcohol and coke. i made some stupid mistakes when i was heavily using and he didn't want to deal with my shit anymore so rightfully he forced me out .
i had to go through withdrawals from all these substances because in the beginning me told me if i got clean he would be there waiting for me.
that was a lie.
every single day since september i have cried every day. i know other people have it much worse than i do. i feel silly and stupid for still feeling like this almost 4 months after the fact.
no amount of therapy has helped me through this.
today, i finally had enough and i tried to call him... he denied the call. i lost my mind. and sent him like 30 messages begging him to please forgive me and understand i'm different. radio silence. i don't know if he blocked me but he probably did.

i've been planning this for a while. sn was my 1st choice but i have no way to obtain. i have a scarf that i tied up to the third floors railings. i made both knots extremely tight, around my neck and the pole. i was hesitant at first so i carefully stepped down onto the second ledge. i cried my eyes out for a bit. i wanted to reach out to someone but all i wanted to talk to was my ex. he probably wouldn't have answered. i finally decided to let my feet go. i felt my face getting so hot and this pressure building up around my jaws. my throat felt like it was being pressed against so painfully. i doubt i even did the method right but i just hang there waiting for whatever to happen to happen and boom. knot at the top undid and i fell down onto the first flight of stairs.

i feel numb at this point. numb and stupid. seriously, no one would care if i died except my family. i don't know what to do. i want to try again so bad. but the only person that i want to care and to stop me from doing this doesn't give a shit... i just want him to know how much i love and miss him and i'm so sorry.. so fucking sorry.... but at this point hes probably gonna be happy that i'm dead or happy if he never has to hear my name ever again

i hate myself so much and i just want this to end
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Mar 22, 2020
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this.
I suck at hanging myself too. Just can't find the "sweet spot"

Still, that will probably be my CTB method next year.

Send you lots of hugs and hope things improve soon!
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Account Wipe.
Apr 30, 2020
I would assume the addiction side of things is too hard for him to deal with.

Me myself as someone who struggle with gambling addiction from time to time,
I know things are not easy.

But you are loveable as a person, as long as you stay top of your own issues.
It certainly takes time to unleash all the burdens and recover, if that's an option somewhere across your mind.

Things sound devastating for you,
but I just want you to know that I understand how you feel.


Useless since day 1
Jan 3, 2020
sorry things didnt workout for you. you went through a lot. it took an immense amount of strength to overcome your addiction to all those things so kudos to you. its unfortunate your ex didnt take you back still. hope you didnt incurr any injuries from falling down the stairs. i wish you all the best.
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I just want peace
Sep 6, 2019
Oh no, I’m so so sorry this all happened to you. This absolutely breaks my heart :c
And you are not dumb or useless! It’s okay to fail.
Sending you lots of love❤️
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Jul 12, 2020
Sending you love. It is OK to try and fail. It's also OK to change your mind. There will be other people in your life, if you choose that. There are more fish in the sea – one person is never your whole existence.

Wishing you peace in whatever you choose.