Venting tried to ctb yesterday

[blacktulip44]

My partner surprised me yesterday in the worst imaginable way. We were fighting and he kept yelling at me that i was a stupid egotistical bitch just like my parents, he told me he didnt love me, and then strangled me. it was just for a few seconds, didnt leave a mark, but it made me feel like my world was over. i tried to jump off the window, but he tackled me to the ground to stop me, saying he does actually love me. i took 15g of paracetamol after and drank alcohol, he still yelled at me constantly saying i made him a monster. i said im sorry, we fucked, and i went to sleep. today i feel even more like shit, and hes constantly saying he loves me and forgives me and he wont leave and abandon me. im so confused, and i cant stop thinking about being gone from this world.

 

[Jule_from_Germany]

It's simple. Leave that shit of a partner. He's not worth throwing your life away

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like such an awful situation and it's really understandable wishing to be free from everything but paracetamol isn't really recommended as a reliable suicide method so I'm not surprised that the attempt failed. But anyway best wishes.

 

[blacktulip44]

That sounds like such an awful situation and it's really understandable wishing to be free from everything but paracetamol isn't really recommended as a reliable suicide method so I'm not surprised that the attempt failed. But anyway best wishes.

thank you for your comment, i honestly feel extremely confused at this moment. i just took paracetamol because i didnt have anything else and needed to at least sleep. my actual attempt was jumping, but he tackled me before i could do it. i think i might try actual poison next time, maybe try to find SN.

It's simple. Leave that shit of a partner. He's not worth throwing your life away

i dont feel like i can leave him. our whole lives are intertwined and ive never been in a relationship other than this one. i dont know. im conflicted and scared and incredibly upset. maybe you're right, but im not sure of anything now