Venting Tried cutting

[Aura]

Drank a fair amount tonight and decided to try cutting tonight ended up making shallow cuts on my thigh just enough to bleed. It really didn't hurt as much as I'd imagined it might. The lingering pain is honestly kind of soothing in a way. I can see how it becomes a habit with some people now after doing it.

 

[softlyn]

lmao your profile picture umm based

 

[Loaf of bread]

I can see how it becomes a habit with some people now after doing it.

Yep, it can get quite addicting. Very hard to stop if it becomes a habit.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

When I tried I couldn't do anything because my body physically repelled it. I just can't bring myself to do anything because of fear and it makes me feel worse. Sigh...

 

[Voidhollow]

I have a sort of back-and-forth relationship with pain. When I need it, it's comforting. It feels real when everything else feels fake. I can look back at it and be reminded that what I went through was real, I wasn't just being dramatic. If things are really bad and it wasn't just a passing one-night sort of thing then it's especially comforting when showering cause the hot water makes them sting. Most importantly, it makes me feel like I have complete domain over my own body. I can make it uglier if I wish. Especially in a time when it feels like women/AFAB bodies are subject to such dehumanization by the media and government, it just feels good to mark it as my own, in some small way. Granted, the only cuts I've done are very shallow like cat scratches, but even then I still have scars from last year. A reminder what I went through was real.

I have a big bag of rubber bands to use instead of cutting but sometimes I can't help it. It really does become addictive if you do it too often... and then I feel so guilty. I try to only let myself cut if something horrible happens. Last time was the election and later a horrible phone call I had with my mom. I didn't feel good about cutting but I can't bring myself to blame myself either. I don't blame anyone who does. I think it's an instinct for a reason, just like the urge to kill yourself. A way to cope and a way out when genuinely nothing else helps.

 

[pulleditnearlyoff]

Drank a fair amount tonight and decided to try cutting tonight ended up making shallow cuts on my thigh just enough to bleed. It really didn't hurt as much as I'd imagined it might. The lingering pain is honestly kind of soothing in a way. I can see how it becomes a habit with some people now after doing it.

I started a while ago too, with shallow cuts on my arm. It feel sort of nice to feel it sting a bit and the wounds give some kind of comfort when I touch them.

 

[donttalktome]

so maybe getting drunk is key to easier selfharm? but im overdosed on benzos 24/7 and still cant force myself. i only trace the skin with the knife enough to feel it but can't push myself any further.

 

[Young]

That profile pic is hilarious