Venting i am a biological failure

[poisonivygrows]

from the moment i was born, i experienced extreme emotional neglect up until around i was a young adult. i was physical abused by my father for many years also, and people in my community, including police officers and teachers, knew what was going on, and failed to protect me or my siblings when we were children. i feel completely incapable of connecting to other people. there is no pleasure i can experience. i've been a walking corpse for years.

when somebody's leg is cut off, they never regrow it. if someone is cut deep enough, there might be a keloid scar, which is ugly, painful, constantly bothersome as long as any fabric is rubbing against the scar. the same is true for psychological conditions. if you abuse and dehumanize somebody enough, they will never internally experience humanity or love. i am incapable of it. i don't feel empathy. i don't love anyone or anything, even though i want to. all i have are incredibly violent desires. i want to hurt, and to be hurt. there's nothing else.

i've tried talk therapy, medication, exercise, diet, monitoring my sleep, i've had lovers, i've tried religion, recreational drugs, music, somatic therapies. it doesn't work because physiologically, i cannot feel love. i don't understand why i'm alive. mercy killing seems to be the most logical option.

 

[TheBestFisch]

same. I know that feeling when you go therapy and this doesn't work. Everyone only wants money from you but is not responsible for the results of the treatment. I feel that the environment will not allow you to change for the better. Mercy killing seems to be the most logical option when nothing work

 

[poisonivygrows]

same. I know that feeling when you go therapy and this doesn't work. Everyone only wants money from you but is not responsible for the results of the treatment. I feel that the environment will not allow you to change for the better. Mercy killing seems to be the most logical option when nothing work

exactly. everything is a part of the capitalist social process, at least in america. we are stuck in an utterly soulless cycle which is producing even more people like me, biological failures. affection, like any nutrient, is a necessity for life. more and more people are left without any genuine affection or care, and it's crippling us psychologically.

 

[TheBestFisch]

more and more people are left without any genuine affection or care, and it's crippling us psychologically. i have flashback from school when i'm reading it. greetings from poland, here everythings is same