Trauma eating me alive

[delphi4470]

Please forgive me if this isn't a good place to put this or if it sounds silly. Years ago I fell and got pretty severely injured, I didn't fall from very high I just got really unlucky. Shortly after this my mental health went to shit for seemingly no reason (I didn't realize I was even traumatized), I started self harming, got really depressed, and got involuntarily hospitalized. Fairly recently I realized I was actually traumatized and its gotten so much worse, I get triggered so much more often and have flashbacks every day, often multiple times a day and I cant take it anymore tbh. It and some other childhood trauma is too much to handle, I just want to die to get over with it, I dont know what else to do.

 

[caninecomposer]

Trauma is one of the most difficult afflictions to live with, much less overcome. I was diagnosed with PTSD at 15, and have spent a long time trying to cope with it. It isn't something that I intend to ever stop experiencing, because most things in life are somehow related to horrible past events, immediately ruining my day. And that's nowhere near as bad as the constant nightmares where I vividly relive terrifying abuse, or my brain invents new situations around the abusers who broke me. But in a way, accepting that as my reality has helped me push through it. Wishing that it would go away is only going to result in feeling worse, that's too unrealistic. One thing I can recommend is a mental technique where you force your brain to remember things differently than they actually happened, rewriting your own neural pathways. If you can consistently do that, triggers won't affect you as badly, and ideally you won't be sent into depressive spirals every time you do anything.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really awful what you are going through, it's cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence. But anyway I wish you the best, it's certainly very much understandable to me just wishing to be free from all the suffering.