anonymousbookreader
Member
- Apr 5, 2024
- 56
I'm not looking for feedback or advice. I'm just venting because I don't know where else to do this.
My method I purchased isn't going to work so I have to send it all back.
My state of being and brain are crumbling every second of the day and my last therapy session felt like an intervention.
They want me to reconsider recovery but I know I won't be able to get where they want me to. It would be cool if this could all improve but realistically it won't and even if it did, I'm not interested in living this life. I'm already over it. No amount of romanizing my life in hopes I'll care about it, is working.
I'm unemployed and that's the one and only reason I can't ctb. I'm applying for jobs or whatever but that hasn't been worth much until recently and even then, I probably won't get hired for a bit. I hate it because I really should've been dead already and my mind and body gave up. It's just a fight against time.
I'm planning on getting a job simply to die. I need money to get my SN set up. I was hoping by the time I'd know where to get it, that I'd be working already but I'm extremely behind and my plan hasn't started.
To avoid unnecessary interruptions in my plans and hospitalization, I have to pretend I give a fuck about trying to live and it's mind numbing. I hate being here. I was supposed to ctb originally in June but pushed it closer to may. Now I probably won't even be able to make June work. This stupid fucking existence is killing me before I can kill myself.
I'm losing myself every single day. Brain so far away and fucked up, body repulsed by any nutrients I try to give it. I'm not even a person anymore. Just a dead man walking.
My method I purchased isn't going to work so I have to send it all back.
My state of being and brain are crumbling every second of the day and my last therapy session felt like an intervention.
They want me to reconsider recovery but I know I won't be able to get where they want me to. It would be cool if this could all improve but realistically it won't and even if it did, I'm not interested in living this life. I'm already over it. No amount of romanizing my life in hopes I'll care about it, is working.
I'm unemployed and that's the one and only reason I can't ctb. I'm applying for jobs or whatever but that hasn't been worth much until recently and even then, I probably won't get hired for a bit. I hate it because I really should've been dead already and my mind and body gave up. It's just a fight against time.
I'm planning on getting a job simply to die. I need money to get my SN set up. I was hoping by the time I'd know where to get it, that I'd be working already but I'm extremely behind and my plan hasn't started.
To avoid unnecessary interruptions in my plans and hospitalization, I have to pretend I give a fuck about trying to live and it's mind numbing. I hate being here. I was supposed to ctb originally in June but pushed it closer to may. Now I probably won't even be able to make June work. This stupid fucking existence is killing me before I can kill myself.
I'm losing myself every single day. Brain so far away and fucked up, body repulsed by any nutrients I try to give it. I'm not even a person anymore. Just a dead man walking.
