M
M.i.245541
Member
- Mar 21, 2022
- 51
This is my first message here, bare with me if it's too long or boring.
I was kind-of happy person before, always optimistic, making plans for the future. But in the last 2 years, my work became extremely toxic and I didn't realise how bad it was impacting me until very recently (2-3 months ago) when my burn-out became too painful to avoid. Suddenly, I looked at myself and realised how unhappy I am, how short tempered I became and how negatively I see the world. Worst part is these waves of stress/anxiety/fear/hopelessness that come frequently each time I think about the future. I'm trying to find a new job but it's not easy. Until then, I am fighing this pain and panic and trying to stay afloat but it is becoming harder and harder. I'm making my family miserable and dragging them down with me. If I loose my current job and can't find a new one, we will have real financial difficulties. And even when I try to think positively, and project myself in a new job, I still see the dark clouds around me and can't seem to find any hope.
I want to ctb, it will end this misery and set my family financially. But there are 2 reasons that are holding me. One is that I have to wait 2 more months for my life insurance to work and the second reason is that it's very difficult to find ways to ctb in my country.
I feel trapped, at work, with my family, and not even able to choose the ctb method I would like. I don't know how to carry forward with those negative waves coming more and more frequently... And I don't know how to stop it
I was kind-of happy person before, always optimistic, making plans for the future. But in the last 2 years, my work became extremely toxic and I didn't realise how bad it was impacting me until very recently (2-3 months ago) when my burn-out became too painful to avoid. Suddenly, I looked at myself and realised how unhappy I am, how short tempered I became and how negatively I see the world. Worst part is these waves of stress/anxiety/fear/hopelessness that come frequently each time I think about the future. I'm trying to find a new job but it's not easy. Until then, I am fighing this pain and panic and trying to stay afloat but it is becoming harder and harder. I'm making my family miserable and dragging them down with me. If I loose my current job and can't find a new one, we will have real financial difficulties. And even when I try to think positively, and project myself in a new job, I still see the dark clouds around me and can't seem to find any hope.
I want to ctb, it will end this misery and set my family financially. But there are 2 reasons that are holding me. One is that I have to wait 2 more months for my life insurance to work and the second reason is that it's very difficult to find ways to ctb in my country.
I feel trapped, at work, with my family, and not even able to choose the ctb method I would like. I don't know how to carry forward with those negative waves coming more and more frequently... And I don't know how to stop it