Venting Toxic Friendship

[Toriinbed]

during my junior/ senior year of high school I became close with this person who I came to find out lied about everything. His traumas, his middle name, and even people he was friends/ had history with. Throughout this friendship we would talk about our desires to ctb and it felt like he was one of the only people that didn't make me feel ashamed/ accepted it. Although he would always ask me to give him a reason not to ctb, I didn't have it in me to lie to him and give him the whole "there's so much out there" shpeel I was familiar with. Both of us had problems with mood swings and abandonment so our friendship was incredibly toxic.

After graduation we said our last goodbyes and cut each other off since his plan was to ctb a few days after. There was a part of me that felt something was wrong. After a couple months I found his he was going to attend an ivy league and even kept in contact with many of his other friends. As a result I had with an obsession with finding out the truth about him. After finding out his real middle name (he lied to me about his fake once because it had a whole backstory as to why his parents gave him that middle name) and asking around about other people's experiences with him as well as connecting the dots I found out he lied to me about almost everything about him and I've become obsessed with knowing why. Why he convinced me he was going to ctb with no intention of doing so. Why he lied to me about his trauma. Why he lied to me about having his heart broken by other girls. Why he lied to me about one of his best friends passing away.

Although the typical I would hear is that "he was just insane forget about him" I still feel so alone and humiliated. The entire time I confided in someone with my feelings of ctb they were actually disgusted with me but still tried to relate to me.

 

[orca87]

What a crazy story… why would anyone do this for a friendship that he didn't even value?

Only thing I can imagine that he indeed has some kind of attachment style and tries to get everyone as friend he could. And therefore "conforms" with these people.

Just because he went to an ivy leage Uni doesn't mean he is a sane person.

I said that in another thread: its just toxic because you care. If you wouldn't care about him, then it would really just be "hes insane. Period."

I understand you though. But I don't think there is any other closure to find than that both he and you have an attachment style that is just prone to crazy stuff like that.

Im sorry this happened to you, I totally get the pain of such situations

 

[6MillionWaystoDie]

In sorry you experienced this betrayal. This kind of thing can make you question your entire reality

Of course I'm speculating but he could be a psychopath. Psychopaths take pride in lying and getting others to become vulnerable with them only to do a rugpull. Most psychopaths are quite smart too. The ivy league school wouldn't surprise me.

Maybe look up the definition and description of behaviors present in psychopaths. Also check out the thread on manipulation in the resources thread.

I hope this might give you some answers either way. Even if he's not a psychopath or sociopath clearly he was intent on manipulating you even if it was for his own pleasures. There may not have been something you think he could get out of it so it may not make sense. But often times these types do stuff just for sport.

Manipulation Tactics

From Wikipedia, here are the covert manipulation techniques identified by George Simon in the book In Sheep's Clothing. From narcissists to guilt trippers, these are tactics that warn your boundaries and/or autonomy are under attack: Lying (by commission) : It is hard to tell if somebody is...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Toriinbed]

What a crazy story… why would anyone do this for a friendship that he didn't even value?

Only thing I can imagine that he indeed has some kind of attachment style and tries to get everyone as friend he could. And therefore "conforms" with these people.

Just because he went to an ivy leage Uni doesn't mean he is a sane person.

I said that in another thread: its just toxic because you care. If you wouldn't care about him, then it would really just be "hes insane. Period."

I understand you though. But I don't think there is any other closure to find than that both he and you have an attachment style that is just prone to crazy stuff like that.

Im sorry this happened to you, I totally get the pain of such situations

Thank you, I definitely still care. The experience did make me lose trust I had in other friends I had IRL when it came to opening up because it was overall just a crazy situation I could not process at the time.

 

[orca87]

Thank you, I definitely still care. The experience did make me lose trust I had in other friends I had IRL when it came to opening up because it was overall just a crazy situation I could not process at the time.

I've had found myself in a situation I couldn't process once (I still can't, and I have have contributed to the situation myself). Anything that happened was completely contrary to everything I would have experienced prior to that or what I would have expected from a human relationship.

I could at least say "ok that was weird and because it was so weird it won't happen again". Maybe if you see it this way, you can keep your faith in normal human beings.

 

[FuneralCry]

It just shows that you certainly cannot trust and rely on people in this cruel world, other people very often just create more problems and make things worse which is why it's for the best to be alone in my opinion.

 

[Viranamari]

Such behaviour is absolutely disgusting. I guess that just goes on to show how cruel and despicable human beings can be. Those people create more problems than help. Personally, I wouldn't share so openly about wanting to CTB as humans are proved to be untrustworthy. Perhaps you can try expressing your desire to CTB here since that's the whole point if this forum. That person's behaviour definitely wasn't normal or excusable in any way. It's better to ignore such scoundrel. I certainly hope things get better.