Touch Deprived

[Un-]

It feels like death.

I can only count on one hand the number of times I've hugged someone. Much less held hands.

The times when I did hug someone.. I still remember it, to this day.

I don't want to bring up any misinterpretations.. Touching, or being touched by someone who dislikes, or hates you, counts as touch deprivation.. I'd argue it's much worse.

I'm not making a point or anything with this thread.. It's just painful to realise how alone in touch I am. I wonder what it's like to embrace someone whom you love, and who loves you back.

For the love of Christ, please don't turn this into a "he vs she" thing.. Vagina, penis, neither or both, we all experience the same suffering.

 

[makethepainstop]

It feels like death.

I can only count on one hand the number of times I've hugged someone. Much less held hands.

The times when I did hug someone.. I still remember it, to this day.

I don't want to bring up any misinterpretations.. Touching, or being touched by someone who dislikes, or hates you, counts as touch deprivation.. I'd argue it's much worse.

I'm not making a point or anything with this thread.. It's just painful to realise how alone in touch I am. I wonder what it's like to embrace someone whom you love, and who loves you back.

For the love of Christ, please don't turn this into a "he vs she" thing.. Vagina, penis, neither or both, we all experience the same suffering.

Touch is not always about sex, I kinda like hugging. Sometimes hand holding is just wonderful, someone loving you so much they like holding your hand. Same with sleeping with someone who likes holding you. I think touch is also necessary for happiness. Wish I could just appear in front of you POOF, and give you a long five minute hug. Much love to you.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I feel that, I'm super touch deprived too. I think it does things to your brain after a while. I almost feel like I don't exist.

 

[Un-]

Touch is not always about sex, I kinda like hugging. Sometimes hand holding is just wonderful, someone loving you so much they like holding your hand. Same with sleeping with someone who likes holding you. I think touch is also necessary for happiness. Wish I could just appear in front of you POOF, and give you a long five minute hug. Much love to you.

Indeed it is. I made it a point, actually, to avoid the topic of sex.. I think a lot of people here, particularly men, only view touch as sex. I think that's sad.. I think everyone would love a hug. Touch is so much more than sex.

I have a few friends here, and I make it my goal to remind them that I wish I could hug them too. A 5 minute hug would be amazing. Thank you!

 

[makethepainstop]

I feel that, I'm super touch deprived too. I think it does things to your brain after a while. I almost feel like I don't exist.

I have to agree, human contact of a physical nature is most desirable. Lack of same does affect people, you can bet on it.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I'm sorry. I get it. I don't have anyone to hug either, makes you feel like you aren't even real after a while.
All I can say is that I'd gladly give gentle hugs to everyone who would want them on here. Too bad technology is not that advanced yet.

 

[makethepainstop]

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I'm sorry. I get it. I don't have anyone to hug either, makes you feel like you aren't even real after a while.
All I can say is that I'd gladly give gentle hugs to everyone who would want them on here. Too bad technology is not that advanced yet.

I'd be up for that, nothing is like a good hug!

 

[Cathy Ames]

I feel that, I'm super touch deprived too. I think it does things to your brain after a while. I almost feel like I don't exist.

Yes. I'm pretty sure it does do something to your brain.... or at least my brain.

 

[Pluto]

Yes, I find that my personality becomes brittle and icy in the absence of love. This can cause a vicious circle since these are qualities that further discourage human affection. And even having some sort of physical touch without any depth of feeling does little to reverse it.

Yes. I'm pretty sure it does do something to your brain.... or at least my brain.

 

[chloramine]

Safe, positive physical contact is a legitimate human need. Unfortunately some cultures especially (looking at you North American) make everything unnecessarily sexual which makes that so much harder. I wish platonic touch was more normalized and recognized. I'm touch deprived too and it's awful. I hate it so much. I'm sorry you're in the same situation.

 

[outatime_85]

I don't care or think about intimacy on a sexual level, as I haven't had it in decades, so that part of me is turned off.

That said, there is a part of me that still longs for non-sexual cuddles, tight hugs, and to feel safe being held.

But that is slowly becoming just a dream, a thought, a want that I may have to also let go of.

 

[squidhead]

Unfortunately I understand.
I still remember every single compliment, sign of affection, hug Ive ever received my entire life from non family members. And its a grand total of 2.
1) I had just transferred to this school and somewhere along the line a girl told me I had a beautiful smile + eyes. That was in 7th grade
2) Second year of high school, I was failing the math class with two other classmates, one was a girl. At the end of the semester, I join class as usual and this girl Ive never spoken to jumps on me and hugs me really tight, out of happiness I guess. Turns out we all passed.

Beyond these kinda random events, never been hugged or cuddled or touched in general. I mean, you see people wanting to be around certain people and they love them so they constantly touch them or intentionally hug them to display their affection. Never been that person to anynone.

Anyway, been about 14 years since the hug in high school and got nothing else. I wish Id also get the positives of being invisible, not just the negatives lol.

 

[myfinalform]

counting out the family members hugs, i dont remember the last time i being hugged by someone but holding hands, i remember but not the date, made me feel special she even gave me a tight holding hand for like 3seconds, that might be a signal that she was liking or to me to do something, but like i was coward i didnt get it in the time, time passed she is with another man and she probably already forgot about the times with me ( i was not her boyfriend and never was btw)

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I found out recently that there are 'cuddle services' or cuddle therapy. I'm sure it must be a nice alternative solution but I don't have money like that and I'm sure a hug from a person who genuinely cares about you (and a person you didn't have to pay) must be the best thing in the world but I haven't been hugged in years.

 

[Hirokami]

Even though I'm in a relationship, I've been feeling touch deprived lately. I don't even care about sex anymore. I just want to cuddle as corny as that sounds. And even if I were single or my girlfriend were okay with it, those pay-to-cuddle services would make me feel pathetic. Like ... No one will let me touch them unless I pay them because that's how gross I am. I can't live with that.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Even though I'm in a relationship, I've been feeling touch deprived lately. I don't even care about sex anymore. I just want to cuddle as corny as that sounds. And even if I were single or my girlfriend were okay with it, those pay-to-cuddle services would make me feel pathetic. Like ... No one will let me touch them unless I pay them because that's how gross I am. I can't live with that.

Well, since you're in a relationship, what's the trouble in asking your girlfriend for a hug, or to cuddle?

 

[Hirokami]

Well, since you're in a relationship, what's the trouble in asking your girlfriend for a hug, or to cuddle?

We've been arguing a lot due to her withdrawal symptoms and over things that happened during the past two weeks. So, we've been kind of distant. When (or if) things get calmer, I can try asking her.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

We've been arguing a lot due to her withdrawal symptoms and over things that happened during the past two weeks. So, we've been kind of distant. When (or if) things get calmer, I can try asking her.

I'm sorry to hear about that. I hope your guys' issues can resolve soon. Sounds like you both need a hug.

 

[JamesUK]

I've never held hands. It seems like it would be so nice.

 

[Un-]

Yes. I'm pretty sure it does do something to your brain.... or at least my brain.

Yeah, definitely. At least in my case, I feel greatly uncomfortable when people touch me. Not hugging or whatever.. But, yknow, day to day things. Like touching your shoulder to get your attention, hand shakes, and so on. It's awful existing like this.

It essentially means I'm alone. Forever.. I can't even search for relationships anymore. I'm too damaged via touch.

I don't care or think about intimacy on a sexual level, as I haven't had it in decades, so that part of me is turned off.

That said, there is a part of me that still longs for non-sexual cuddles, tight hugs, and to feel safe being held.

But that is slowly becoming just a dream, a thought, a want that I may have to also let go of.

It hurts like nothing else to accept that.. You can't have it anymore. You know, at least with some people, they're sad because.. They think they deserve intimacy. They deserve love, and happiness.. But it's a different type of pain, to be at a point where you have to let go of that.

My god it's awful.

Unfortunately I understand.
I still remember every single compliment, sign of affection, hug Ive ever received my entire life from non family members. And its a grand total of 2.
1) I had just transferred to this school and somewhere along the line a girl told me I had a beautiful smile + eyes. That was in 7th grade
2) Second year of high school, I was failing the math class with two other classmates, one was a girl. At the end of the semester, I join class as usual and this girl Ive never spoken to jumps on me and hugs me really tight, out of happiness I guess. Turns out we all passed.

Beyond these kinda random events, never been hugged or cuddled or touched in general. I mean, you see people wanting to be around certain people and they love them so they constantly touch them or intentionally hug them to display their affection. Never been that person to anynone.

Anyway, been about 14 years since the hug in high school and got nothing else. I wish Id also get the positives of being invisible, not just the negatives lol.

The last time I was in school.. I remember this guy. He used to bully me sometimes. His name was Michael.. And, uh, heh.. He's a lot of things, but he's dating what many would consider the most beautiful girl in the school.

And I don't know why, but I remember him vividly telling me something among the lines of "Unlike you, I date real women" or something. And I remember them kissing in public, holding hands, touching thighs and everything. And Micheal would often look at me while he did those things..

I wonder what that feels like. Being invisible is awful. You're just a nobody to everyone.. Living a life that's meaningless.

I've never held hands. It seems like it would be so nice.

I think so as well. I haven't held hands before, either.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I am so saddened and shocked by how many people feel the same way and suffer without something as simple as a gentle human touch.
If I was younger and/or prettier, I'd probably just go around asking random acquittances or maybe even strangers if they need a good old cuddle, and someone who would sit with them and listen and hold their hand and stroke their hair and maybe tell them that it's going to be okay and they are beautiful, loved and important.
I'm not that cuddly anymore, though. And I understand that most people wouldn't want it just to be a random person.
This is so sad.
And I am aching to touch someone safe too.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I am remembering one time when I was younger I asked my mom for a hug and she seemed almost pained to give it, like "ugh, ok". I don't know if I was annoying her that day or if she was tired or something but I think I didn't ask for a hug again after that because I feared the same response. I don't remember how old I was, pretty young I guess but old enough to remember it. I guess it's a silly thing to complain about, my mom probably doesn't even remember it. Pales in comparison to a lot of others here who have gone years and years without any physical touch whatsoever.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

For the love of Christ, please don't turn this into a "he vs she" thing..

 

[Un-]

I feel a bit bad.. Regardless of your views, everyone deserves a hug.

 

[NumbItAll]

I just want to cuddle as corny as that sounds. And even if I were single or my girlfriend were okay with it, those pay-to-cuddle services would make me feel pathetic. Like ... No one will let me touch them unless I pay them because that's how gross I am. I can't live with that.

Same here... I resent the idea that I should have to pay someone to want to be with me. I'd rather just be alone then. Some things shouldn't be turned into a transaction (my personal view / if it works for others then great).

 

[squidhead]

The last time I was in school.. I remember this guy. He used to bully me sometimes. His name was Michael.. And, uh, heh.. He's a lot of things, but he's dating what many would consider the most beautiful girl in the school.

And I don't know why, but I remember him vividly telling me something among the lines of "Unlike you, I date real women" or something. And I remember them kissing in public, holding hands, touching thighs and everything. And Micheal would often look at me while he did those things..

Yeah, classic piece of shit person. Im sorry you had to go through that and be treated like that.
Unfortunately, as much as people deny it it is absolutely false that bullies "peak" in high school or that "karma" will get them.
No idea if its just our society or just how humans have always been, but its exactly the opposite. The more youre an asshole, the more chances to have a good life you have and the more it seems people will like you and be drawn to you.
Be it because you develop more connections in terms of people or because society rewards having negative qualities such as arrogance, rudeness, selfishness, being fake, hell even being a psycho.
As long as you have a shred of charisma, paired with the innate super confidence these types of people seem to have... you`ll do great in my opinion. Meh

 

[Un-]

Yeah, classic piece of shit person. Im sorry you had to go through that and be treated like that.
Unfortunately, as much as people deny it it is absolutely false that bullies "peak" in high school or that "karma" will get them.
No idea if its just our society or just how humans have always been, but its exactly the opposite. The more youre an asshole, the more chances to have a good life you have and the more it seems people will like you and be drawn to you.
Be it because you develop more connections in terms of people or because society rewards having negative qualities such as arrogance, rudeness, selfishness, being fake, hell even being a psycho.
As long as you have a shred of charisma, paired with the innate super confidence these types of people seem to have... you`ll do great in my opinion. Meh

Yeah I know.. He did far better than me in every aspect. He was tall, academically gifted. Physically gifted. Charismatic, ridiculously attractive, talented.. Sigh.

It is what it is. I'm coping with how much I'm a loser by watching Pixar movies, and I've been crying in each one.. Because the losers in those stories get a happy ending.. I know I'm not getting a happy ending. So I cry heh.

 

[Cathy Ames]

It essentially means I'm alone. Forever.. I can't even search for relationships anymore. I'm too damaged via touch.

I understand why you feel this way, and it sucks. But I don't think this is necessarily true.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I get really uncomfortable when people touch me, especially without permission. I like being alone, but part of me does yearn for intimacy. I wish I wasn't like this. While I'm aware that my aversion to touch might have its origins in childhood, how to overcome it is another thing altogether.

I wish I was not brought up to think that no one can be trusted, by he who himself was a victim of a militant upbringing. In hindsight, bereavement would have been a blessing—I wish Death took him away. Even as an adult, it feels like everyone is out to get me. It doesn't help that I was molested by the people whom I thought I could trust, when I let my guard down. To add insult to injury, I got to experience first-hand, how isolating pain, chronic pain, is. I wish someone told me that it was okay to cry—that vulnerability is not a weakness, but rather an admission of humanity.

I'm tired of feeling on edge all the time. Overanalysing—making pros and cons lists of everything and everyone—makes my head hurt. I want to trust again, and see the beauty of life through the eyes of an innocent child.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I get really uncomfortable when people touch me, especially without permission. I like being alone, but part of me does yearn for intimacy. I wish I wasn't like this. While I'm aware that my aversion to touch might have its origins in childhood, how to overcome it is another thing altogether.

I wish I was not brought up to think that no one can be trusted, by he who himself was a victim of a militant upbringing. In hindsight, bereavement would have been a blessing—I wish Death took him away. Even as an adult, it feels like everyone is out to get me. It doesn't help that I was molested by the people whom I thought I could trust, when I let my guard down. To add insult to injury, I got to experience first-hand, how isolating pain, chronic pain, is. I wish someone told me that it was okay to cry—that vulnerability is not a weakness, but rather an admission of humanity.

I'm tired of feeling on edge all the time. Overanalysing—making pros and cons lists of everything and everyone—makes my head hurt. I want to trust again, and see the beauty of life through the eyes of an innocent child.

What a beautifully written post. My heart aches for you, I'm so sorry for all of these horrible things that have happened to you. You did not deserve any of this. What you do deserve is a hug. I do believe it is okay to cry, it is perhaps one of the purest emotions a human being can express. To want to limit that, for some reason or another, is to deny being human at all. I wish I could give you, and everybody else in this thread, a warm and tight hug.