goodoldnoname923
Wanting to find peace
- Mar 28, 2024
- 834
It really is…life that is.
I've got the supposedly perfect method and setup to go yet I haven't gotten my ticket yet,i have no hope in life or myself
Nothing to look forward to,nothing to enjoy so what is stopping me? I keep worring about my friend wether they are truly happier or just being manipulated. I worry wether i was genuinely as evil as everything suggests or if i was screwed over in some way especially looking back at my messages feeling as if they arnt my own. Wether its just a delusion my mind created to keep me alive or give me hope or wether something has genuinely happened i lack of a clue but that uncertainty is really fucking with my head
Some days I believe the presented truth other days i believe this supposed delusion…yet idrk what to think and without really knowing or having a quick fire way of CTB'ing my perfect CO method just isn't the ticket i need given the amount of hours it takes for my mind to shift around it's unpredictable afterall
Yet all i do is sit with my thoughts these feelings these flashes to the past twitches and trauma I can't escape from and something i'm powerless to do anything about so why live
Why do i hold out hope she'll somehow come back or care? Because i don't see a future,a way of recovery or any sort of happiness without her and even now I can't bring myself to enjoy anything so why continue because even if i'm right I can't prove anything and no one will believe me…and even if he tricked me am i being selfish ruining her happiness for the sake of myself?
Is it better i let her be happy as long as he doesn't harm her? Or am i being naive? Or am i being delusional? Idk
I've got the supposedly perfect method and setup to go yet I haven't gotten my ticket yet,i have no hope in life or myself
Nothing to look forward to,nothing to enjoy so what is stopping me? I keep worring about my friend wether they are truly happier or just being manipulated. I worry wether i was genuinely as evil as everything suggests or if i was screwed over in some way especially looking back at my messages feeling as if they arnt my own. Wether its just a delusion my mind created to keep me alive or give me hope or wether something has genuinely happened i lack of a clue but that uncertainty is really fucking with my head
Some days I believe the presented truth other days i believe this supposed delusion…yet idrk what to think and without really knowing or having a quick fire way of CTB'ing my perfect CO method just isn't the ticket i need given the amount of hours it takes for my mind to shift around it's unpredictable afterall
Yet all i do is sit with my thoughts these feelings these flashes to the past twitches and trauma I can't escape from and something i'm powerless to do anything about so why live
Why do i hold out hope she'll somehow come back or care? Because i don't see a future,a way of recovery or any sort of happiness without her and even now I can't bring myself to enjoy anything so why continue because even if i'm right I can't prove anything and no one will believe me…and even if he tricked me am i being selfish ruining her happiness for the sake of myself?
Is it better i let her be happy as long as he doesn't harm her? Or am i being naive? Or am i being delusional? Idk
