Venting torn between life and death - is anyone else living in-between life and death?

[1000memoryleaks]

is anyone else living in-between life and death? what i mean is that you're not so content with living to do your best, but you haven't entirely made up your mind on death to put an end to it either. now you're just stuck living just to live. my mentality in life is that you should always do your best at everything; if you intend to live, then live your best life, and if you intend to die, then do so quickly. however, i've been stuck for a while unable to decide what i want to do. does anyone else feel this way? would love to hear...

 

[PugnaEnjoyer2137]

It's soul crushing.
It's a process of both preparing to recover, and to prepare for another solution. Enough hope or stupidity to keep going, not enough strength to keep going.
It's soothing knowing I am not the only one.

 

[kanamycinklavsta]

is anyone else living in-between life and death? what i mean is that you're not so content with living to do your best, but you haven't entirely made up your mind on death to put an end to it either. now you're just stuck living just to live. my mentality in life is that you should always do your best at everything; if you intend to live, then live your best life, and if you intend to die, then do so quickly. however, i've been stuck for a while unable to decide what i want to do. does anyone else feel this way? would love to hear...

Oh yeah, but for me its more it switches on a day to day basis. One day I may feel super willing to start recovery, next I'm just depressed again and I can't do it anymore. Some days I think it's getting serious if the depression lasts more than a few days but then it just goes back to "normal." I know that kind of back and forth is probably a mental disorder itself so I'm going to at least get it checked out. But I think what stays true is that my life is fucked up and far from repairable and it would be up to me to just choose to live with it. Based on the things I already am diagnosed with and what i've been through. I guess we share a similar feeling but it manifests a little bit differently

 

[1000memoryleaks]

Oh yeah, but for me its more it switches on a day to day basis. One day I may feel super willing to start recovery, next I'm just depressed again and I can't do it anymore. Some days I think it's getting serious if the depression lasts more than a few days but then it just goes back to "normal." I know that kind of back and forth is probably a mental disorder itself so I'm going to at least get it checked out. But I think what stays true is that my life is fucked up and far from repairable and it would be up to me to just choose to live with it. Based on the things I already am diagnosed with and what i've been through. I guess we share a similar feeling but it manifests a little bit differently

i feel the same way!! although for me there is usually some sort of trigger, usually when something positive happens like looking better or my investments going up do you think your change of perspective is caused by a trigger as well? or is it truly completely random? if so then i am really sorry to hear that, however i'm glad to hear that you're willing to check it out. i wish for the best outcome and hope you can experience more of the positive side of these swings you deal with <3

 

[kanamycinklavsta]

i feel the same way!! although for me there is usually some sort of trigger, usually when something positive happens like looking better or my investments going up do you think your change of perspective is caused by a trigger as well? or is it truly completely random? if so then i am really sorry to hear that, however i'm glad to hear that you're willing to check it out. i wish for the best outcome and hope you can experience more of the positive side of these swings you deal with <3

ahh i see, that does make more sense :) i thought you were talking about them coexisting at the same time! i mean for me sometimes they do coexist at the same time but its more of the the back and forth, and it's brutal.

in my experience, yes it does seem to be caused by a trigger. or sometimes it just happens for seemingly no reason, or a reason I haven't identified yet. some days I seem to be very upbeat and have the energy to do a lot of things. get dressed, go clubbing, talk to loads of people, but after awhile i just immediately fall back into the depression and have no way to get back up. i was on a beach trip with a group of people and one miniscule thing triggered me which sent me into a fullblown depressive episode and i kind of freaked everyone out, because they only hangout with me when i'm super upbeat and jittery. my psychiatrist and i think it's bipolar disorder so def getting that diagnosis. not saying you have it too but it's not normal if you relate

thank you for your wishes. I hope you the best too, and i'm sorry you relate. it's tough. i hope you can find more positivity in your life too :)

 

[yume_]

yep me

In my case it's because I've always been an impulsive person, not consistent in anything, so when it comes to planning for suicide or recovery it just doesn't work. There are multiple days that I was certain that I wanted recovery and that I was going to live.... just for me give up the next day :/ I have no plans for the future. I am just living completely blind.

So no, you are not alone in this.

 

[100memoryleaks]

did you seriously think i wasn't gonna notice your username or what

 

[PugnaEnjoyer2137]

did you seriously think i wasn't gonna notice your username or what

It took me a good moment to notice you didn't just change your pfp

 

[hurts2b]

Always.

I try to be patient with myself about it, though.

 

[Misery99]

is anyone else living in-between life and death? what i mean is that you're not so content with living to do your best, but you haven't entirely made up your mind on death to put an end to it either. now you're just stuck living just to live. my mentality in life is that you should always do your best at everything; if you intend to live, then live your best life, and if you intend to die, then do so quickly. however, i've been stuck for a while unable to decide what i want to do. does anyone else feel this way? would love to hear...

Yes, being in the same situation for years. I'm not happy with my current life but I'm not so sure about how to end it either...so I'm stuck between two worlds.

 

[100memoryleaks]

It took me a good moment to notice you didn't just change your pfp

AHAHAH i can't imagine what's the point of copying me tho lol. get yo own username