Venting too weak

[sage]

i'm so fucking tired of myself and how weak i am. i have been fully set on death for 5 years and my attempts have slowly escalated but every single time, i fail. attempted a sleeping pill overdose on wednesday despite knowing it was nearly impossible and spent 2 days either passed out or vomiting (i can barely remember it). the night after i woke up from that i tried a full suspension and got so fucking close but somehow managed to pull myself back onto the stool due to SI. and now any attempt at any sort of hanging makes me panic instantly due to the near death experience. even wearing chokers freaks me out.

sorry for dumping my venty bullshit in here, i just.. am so disappointed in myself. i wish i had access to a firearm or a high place to fling myself from, but i never got a driver's license because i didn't expect to live this long, so i can't go out on my own and find somewhere. i just want something that i know will work. i am so fucking sick of failing over and over again. i know exactly what i want, and i'm not scared to die in the slightest. i'm just too stupid to do one simple thing..

 

[iwanttosleepforever]

i think the best way is N

 

[sage]

i think the best way is N

i live with my family so unfortunately i can't order any chemicals..really wish i could, SN and N look like the holy grail to me. but the risk factor is too high. i appreciate the suggestion though

 

[Dracorex0]

Region?

 

[throwaway123]

i live with my family so unfortunately i can't order any chemicals..really wish i could, SN and N look like the holy grail to me. but the risk factor is too high. i appreciate the suggestion though

same here

 

[sage]

Region?

utah, USA

 

[stillwoozy]

SI is a bitch. I failed at full suspension as well, the support ripped out of the wall. I don't think there is a surefire way to overcome it. And it doesn't make you stupid or weak or anything, it's almost a biological reaction. Being hard on yourself won't help. Even if your brain wants you dead, your body will naturally fight it.

Feel free to message me if you want to vent or talk.

 

[LifeIsNotFun]

i live with my family so unfortunately i can't order any chemicals..really wish i could, SN and N look like the holy grail to me. but the risk factor is too high. i appreciate the suggestion though

I live with my family, too. But, I am ordering N and shipping it to a PO Box that I have rented. You could do the same, and all you need is bitcoin with a credit card, and you transfer that to A to get your N. And, it is recommended you get a private courier, so it has a 90% success rate of reaching you. Be sure to order anti-emetics as well.